My friend family are controlling her - I need help please

Craftyscholar

j.e.j. wrote: »

:eek::eek:

I think it's a case of how legally to get the mother and sister to leave your friend alone, and also how your friend is going to manage psychologically to find the strength to push them away from her. They sound like very warped and screwed-up individuals. The Police ought to know about this..

It must be hard for your friend, because she's been brought up by them and so for many years this, for her, was normal behaviour!! (As kids we don't really question things, do we, - it's only when we get older)

It sounds a bit drastic, perhaps, but at some stage maybe your friend needs to move, with her family, to somewhere where these people can't find her. An injunction sounds like a good idea, too.

I'm sure she's grateful for your offer of help, too. She's lucky to have you as a friend.

If she was brought up in an environment where father/husband went off and did his own thing then what her OH sees as 'I love you - we are a couple - I want to spend time with you' could come across as strange and oppressive.
They need to get legal and medical advice and probably contact the police and make sure they get their side of the story on record.

CH27

blue_monkey wrote: »

I went up the school and my friend and her husband are together again.

However, while going to the school they were acosted by her mother and father in the street shouting loads of abuse at him, then the father followed her into the playground shouting at her. I've heard that the husband was hit on the back by the father.

I have suggested that if they come to her house tonight they call the police. This morning she had, in 2 hours, 15 missed calls on the landline. I've also suggested that they see a solicitor with a view to getting an injunction on the rest of the family.

I hope that this is the start of my friend and her husband getting her life together. They are all going away this weekend so they are not at home and n a few weeks time they are going away on their own. I have said that they need to talk about everything - and I mean everything - to get everything sorted and their lives back on track.

Solicitor is a very good idea.

gorgeouslatinrose

What a mess! Sounds like you have been a brilliant friend to her, what a nightmare to have been in. Definatly go and see a solicitor. One thing also to suggest, but not trying to put any fear in anyone, is to notify the childrens school what is going on, in case they try and get through to her through the children, and maybe make it so only her or her husband can collect the children. This may be un necessary, however as a precaution it may be worth it, and I have heard some stories of Jehovah Witnesses will stop at nothing to try and get their own children back into the fold ( having said that there are some very nice ones too, but the impression you have given of her mother is not sounding positive, so may be worthwhile doing). Also maybe see if she can cancel the CAB appointment, in case her family does turn up, though possibly seeing them at a later unknown date will help her.

Mojisola

I think the two of them should see the police and explain what's been happening, especially about the sister pretending to be her. If the police get further calls from her mother and sister, they need to know what's really happening.

blue_monkey_2

Thank you all. Going to speak to them some more tomorrow, I've been talking to hubby and I am going to suggest they go to the police and tell them what happened (the police already did realise though, so why they did not do anything then, I do not know. The mother and sister were telling the police and saying 'these are her words' and the police said 'course they are').

I know this is the start of a long road for all of them, I am pleased to have been her friend right now when she needed it though. It is what friends are for though, isn't it?

It sounds a bit corny but I believe that we meet and befriend certain people in our lives to help them through difficult times and help them on their way and find the right path. Our own life experiences mean we can help others when dealing with life. That sounds naff, doesn't it?

I did worry having spoken to the husband but I am glad that I did. I told her that I had spoken to him but that I wanted her side of the story as well. I do think had I not have spoken to him he would still have been calling and that she would not have realised he was what she wanted.

PS. I feel a bit warm and happy inside seeing them together again, it has been horrible seeing them both so sad and miserable. I saw the children smiling again today and it was so nice to see that I almost cried. I am not going to start nagging my friend to eat, I think that once her life is back on track and the mother dealt with, that will come. I will keep an eye on her of course and I am going to tell hubby not to nag her otherwise she will go the other way. I might act all hard on here but I am a big softie in RL. Don't tell anyone though.

ajaney

Blimey, If this tale had been told by a newbie, I'd be thinking 'troll'! I cannot believe this poor girl has been treated so appallingly by her family.

She must get an injuction & get them out of her life. She is so very lucky to have Blue Monkey in her corner!

blue_monkey_2

Hi all, since starting this thread s much has happened but I'll briefly outline. My friend is now been 'accompanied' for every time she may be able to speak to someone else outside them. This is to school, work, home. They follow her in her car. Last night (in front of them) she said she wanted to come and speak to me, this morning she has 2 'supervisors'.

They have stolen her dog - so she cannot go for walks.

If she asks them not to come to the house, they do anyway.

They tried to take her again at the weekend, she said no, they came round instead for the entire time she is awake.

Her anorexia has really taken hold and I believe school have reported her to social services - I went to see them and told them the issues.

I don't know what else I can do. I cannot speak to her, or see her on her own, they will not 'let' her come to see me, they have stolen her dog so she cannot have any contact with anyone other than them. We used to walk every day and they obviously do not want her doing that, they have told her she cannot have him back.

Please, please someone tell me where I can go to get her away from these people, or where I can go to get her some help.

I have reported to NSPCC (the children), Social Services (they did not want to know but that has probably changed), the Domestic Abuse people at the local police. Is there anyone else?

Her husband did move out as she asked him for '2 weeks space' and he left but he has gone back home. He is today seeling an injunction against the family coming to the home. One solicitor told him he could not do that, another now says yes, he can stop them coming to the house.

Is this a start?? If they cannot be in her house, I can at least go and see her I guess.

Please can someone give me some hope and optimism here. I cannot belive that people are allowed to control a 33 year old womans every waking movement and no-one intervene or do anything. She is about 4 1/2 stone now and you can even see her bones through her clothes - and all they are interested in is that they have control over her every movement - they have not even taken her to see a GP or to the hospitak. All this because they want to control who she is married to. Disgusting, evil people she calls family. They are killing her.

Her husband is also going to see solicitors about the abuse they put her through as a child (she has said if it ever gets out there will be so much trouble for her mum and dad - which implies that it is serious. And as my friend dad disappears to Thailand a lot, I wonder if something more sinister ius going on, I have reported this to a police friend of mine) but she keeps on leaving the children with them and does not want to risk them abusing the children too. I was watching them and he was cooing over the girls playing at Brownies yesterday. :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad: Disgusting vile pervert.

Errata

I think you've done all you can. If her husband is living with her and she's happy with that, then it's really up to him, there's nothing preventing him taking her to a doctor or A&E.
Why can't she speak to someone when she's at work? There's nothing to stop her, her family aren't around then. Although if she's a grown woman who now only weighs four and a half stone I can't understand how she's physically able to work. Or have I misunderstood that?

PasturesNew

Is it financially motivated too? If they can get rid of the husband, and get her onto full benefits, they could help themselves to hundreds every week.

gorgeouslatinrose

Have you tried Woman s Aid? I know its for women being abused by husbands, etc, but they may be able to give you much better advice, especially if the children are at risk? Other than that, you could try Domestic Abuse hotline . Sadly their may not be much more you can do. The best thing would be is to give support to the husband, hopefully he will be successful with the solicitor. Make sure he has their passports and birth certificates safely in case they try anything. If he can keep himself and the children safe, and hopefully get them away, hopefully she will regain the strength to want to fight to keep her children and this may give her the strength to start standing up for herself and get away from her awful for family.
Hope your okay - this must be awful for you to have to deal with. Make sure you look after yourself as well.