My friend family are controlling her - I need help please

blue_monkey_2

go_cat wrote: »

This to me says she is having a mental breakdown

sme of the behaviour is classic mental health breakdown e.g taking personal risks, controlling her eating

Will she seek medical advice off her own back?

Above post - she has tried to. Mother went with her.

She is not the kind of person who can say 'no, I want to go on my own'. Even when she goes over the school to speak to them regarding the kids she has to get someone to do it for her, she really really dislikes any form of confrontation. Husband usually has to get the afternoon off work if there is something to discuss regarding the children, she will not do it.

blue_monkey_2

chocdonuty wrote: »

Does the father have parental rights? If so then he is entitled to take the children out of school/pick them up if he wishes, regardless of what she has requested, although they may try to stop or stall him.
Personally in this case I would tell the husband to just go and get the kids, if the mother really is that seriously ill then the kids really don't need to witness it, they could also be in danger if she is of unstable mind.
She needs help from either her gp or social services, you can make the call, they may already be aware but from what you have witnessed something needs to be done and soon.

Can he call SS for something like this? I will suggest it to him if the CAB do not. The children are very quiet, her mother whipped them away from me this morning - I guess so they did not tell me about the weekend.

j.e.j.

What a sad situation . It does sound like there is some family history there. Your friend has got ill (with anorexia or whatever it might be) and perhaps doesn't feel able to make her own decisions at the moment. Hence she's giving in and letting her mother take over the reigns.

Anorexia can be a 'control' thing, - if someone (in this case the mother?) is ruling her life then food intake is perhaps the only thing she feels like she can control.

I think the husband of your friend needs to get good legal advice asap.

blue_monkey_2

j.e.j. wrote: »

What a sad situation . It does sound like there is some family history there. Your friend has got ill (with anorexia or whatever it might be) and perhaps doesn't feel able to make her own decisions at the moment. Hence she's giving in and letting her mother take over the reigns.

Anorexia can be a 'control' thing, - if someone (in this case the mother?) is ruling her life then food intake is perhaps the only thing she feels like she can control.

I think the husband of your friend needs to get good legal advice asap.

This is what I thought too, about the food, I have suggested this to her. I do not want to push her, I am sure she has had enough of it. I just do not want her to kill herself.

She has asked me so many times for help dealing with the issues with her mum. I suggested writing a letter (I too have had issues with family and this is why we got along so well - I think 2 like minded people) but I did not realise it had got this bad.

Maybe I feel that some of this is my fault for not realising how bad things were. I do know I can only help someone if they want to be helped though, she has to be the one making that decision.

Her father tends to swan off to Thailand a lot on his own for 'holidays' and I always wondered if the mother was jealous that her daughter a husband that doted on her and was always there for her and did not do this kind of thing. I was just a thought though. They seem only to want her when she is miserable and when she is, they want to drag her down even further, when she is happy they have no time for her. I think this is why her hubby gets the brunt of it all.

It is so very sad.

Mojisola

The father can get an order to stop the children being taken out of the country. I hope he saw someone good at the CAB today.

It might be worth him getting in touch with groups like Fathers 4 Justice - https://www.fathers-4-justice.org/ They will have seen this kind of thing before.

pinkcandyflossprincess

he can actually petition the court himself in a case like this and ask for an emergancy order to be put in force.
Id be down there like a shot if i thought someones family were going to whip my kids away:eek:
It will hopefully put the frightners on her family and my shock your friend into seeing whats going on around her.
it does sound very bizarre-as for abuse no one can tell, although your friend has admitted to abuse to her husband, serious abuse in a relationship is not something most men go around talking about and are usually very charming to the outside world- hence how they get away with it for so long.
her eating disorder may be a result of too much abuse, ie a plea for help. she may however be making up the abuse and be just of the attention seeking frame of mind.
you know her better than us so are a better judge as to whats really going on- if she has told this story to her family though then this may be why they are acting so bizarre. a lot of familys would intervene if they thought their child was at risk.

blue_monkey_2

Just a quick update. I saw my friend this evening, mother with her as predicted.

I asked her whether she had no split up with her husband and she said 'he was being an ar se'. I asked if she had told him she was going away and she said no. Anyway, she is coming to see me tomorrow as her mother is working so she can see me. (!!??)

Her mother pushed her way to the front of the queue to get the kids off the bus and the girls saw her, their smiles turned to frowns and the ignored her completely, walked past her and to their mum. Which I think spoke volumes.

The irony on her mother calling her husband possessive is absolutely laughable.

Thanks for all of your help today, will see hat tomorrow brings. I think it's time to be brutally honest with her and find out what is going on.

blue_monkey_2

Oh, also to add. When collecting the kids today she/the mother parked almost outside the house her husband is staying at. She could have parked the other end of the village and usually parks at my house, but this time decided to park where he could see her.

Why would someone that had to call the police this morning to 'warn him off', do this?

j.e.j.

Hope you get a chance to talk to her alone, bluemonkey

alisong1

This is a crazy and sad situation. It really seems like the mom's bad influence has played on your friend. Hope everything will get better soon for you and her oh