My friend family are controlling her - I need help please

RAS

Hi

if she explains that her family took her away against her will and force fed her alcohol, they may start to take notice but unless she makes a formal complaint there is nothing they can do.

She really needs to get legal help to put a restraining order in place, preventing them from contacting her or the children. if the family break that, the police can do something.

blue_monkey_2

jetta_wales wrote: »

I think she needs to have herself committed. This might sound bonkers but she needs it for her health both physical and mental and for complete protection from their influence.

Jetta, this. I wanted to add, I think the police want her in. They have told her if they get called to her house again she will be arrested. On Sunday when the husband called the police they actually told him they wanted to arrest her and he said no. They can see how painfully thin she is and have mentioned this to him. I believe that once arrested they can have her mental health assessed by 2 doctors. But only if she has been arrested, and the police wanted to take her.

I told the husband, next time let them do it. He wants to protect her but I said something needs to give to make her better. And this means being cruel to be kind. She needs to be assessed,I think she needs to realise just how far her family have pushed her. Does that make sense?

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest, it has really helped and you have come up with some more ideas, thank you.

gorgeouslatinrose

blue_monkey wrote: »

Right yes, this is my last hope. I am going to try and do this, but I am going to try and talk her into doing it first and saying I will go with her and support her. I'll ask her if she wants it to stop and if she says yes, just go before she has time to think about it. I do think I can because when she gets with me she does know they are being ridiculous. 15 missed calls on the landline, the mobile rining and texting non stop. All because she spent an hour with me.

However, getting her own her own is going to be the hard bit. She works in a school, there is no way I can go and get her early or wait for her as I'll not be allowed in.

I have used a lot of swear words over the last few weeks. :o:o

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I needed more perspective.

Im sure you can do it If needs be - I would contact the school in question, and speak to them as I am sure they will be supportive, especially if you explain that not only is she in danger but the children.
See if you can keep evidence - eg a diary of incidents, records of missed phone calls, texts, from your end as she will struggle to do this herself, and when going to the police, it could really help them and her husband with the restraining order. And dont forget to try and get the husband to get the passports and birth certificates - if they decide to run with her and the children, it will at least prevent them removing the children from the country.

blue_monkey_2

looby75 wrote: »

see I'm so hard faced I'd just take her arm and lead her away from them....preferably into a car and drive away.

Is that really not an option, I mean the worst that could happen is they make a scene in the middle of the school yard, that could be witnessed by the teachers and reported to SS

I know, I have thought about this too. Jus scared she is then going to see me as the bad guy - if she does not talk to the police it'll make no difference.

However, if I can convince her to talk it would be the greatest hurdle she can overcome.

looby75

blue_monkey wrote: »

I know, I have thought about this too. Jus scared she is then going to see me as the bad guy - if she does not talk to the police it'll make no difference.

However, if I can convince her to talk it would be the greatest hurdle she can overcome.

there is only so much you can do though and from what you have posted I'm 100% sure that if you managed to get her to the police in person then she would talk.

When she's with you it seems to "clear her head" you've said yourself thats why her mother and sister don't want you around her, she needs the break from them. I honestly don't see how she would turn you into the bad guy, it's obvious she's screaming out for your help and she won't turn on you.

blue_monkey_2

Rose, they took the passports a few weeks ago. They seem to think they can stop the husband ever seeing his children again.

This could have lived like this for years - only this time I am around and I am giving him the strength to do what he has to do.

I don't know how we actually got to be friends, isn't that funny, but she is my best friend now and I have helped her through a lot - maybe I am her guardian angel and the person to keep her grounded (that sounds a bit corny, sorry). In the time I have known her, all she has one is tell me how awful her family are, they wanted nothing much to do with her and they have betrayed her in (what I would consider) the worst possible way. But I was there for her and I think it helped her having me to speak to.

I went on holiday in May and something happened while I was gone. I do think that maybe we would not be here if I had not been away - however, this was always going to happen, wasn't it?

blue_monkey_2

Thank you, all of you. I've got a 2nd wind now and feel a bit stronger. Onto round 10.

But it will have to be tomorrow as I have not had lunch yet and I've got 6 kids round after school (and heck, it is raining so they will all be indoors!!). Dogs have never heard thunder sand ther eis a sotrm so they are freaking out too.

I hope you do not mind but I need a break from this now. I have to get my head clear for when the kids come home. I'll stop in some more tonight or tomorrow.

blue_monkey_2

Actually, I have had a thought - thank you for the suggestion. It does not have to be school because a) we do not have much time and b) her parents could be behind her following her.

I am going to find out from her husband when she at the house on her own and I am going to go and get her and speak to her then.

Yes. This is what I am going to do. Deep breath. I will keep you posted as you have all been so kind to respond to me with this situation.

gorgeouslatinrose

Hope you feel better soon

mummyroysof3

Blue_monkey, i just wanted to post to offer some support and say what a great friend i think you are being

Only thing i can add is have you voiced your concerns to the childrens head teacher, im thinking that they will come at it from an angle of wanting to do anything that will help the children and may even offer to let you come and speak to your friend during work time if thats the only time you have access to speak to her...it really concerns me that her family have the childrens passports though...is there not a way of dad(even if behind mums back) cancelling them?