My friend family are controlling her - I need help please

mummyroysof3

sorry just a question, does her husband work and they using while he at work to get to her...if he doesnt leave the house in the morning then surely they cant get in unless they break in then he can phone police...im confused sorry

DON79

blue_monkey wrote: »

Thanks for the advice on contacting the Elders - I do not think it would make any difference, they have a 'sin bin' which is a glass box in the cornner and if you sin (smiking is a sin) you have to sit in that for the meeting but the mother refuses to sit there as she can do what she pleases.

I didn't see anywhere in your posts about your friend that this is to do with JW's?? Sorry but as a JW, I know you would never find such a thing in any Kingdom Hall called a sin bin and never any kind of glass box to put people in... I am bemused about where you have gotten this info? And as regards the elders, they would be very concerned about someone in poor health like your friend as would the rest of the people in the congregation.

All I can say is that if the mother and sister who are behaving like this are claiming to be JW's, they are a disgrace and certainly are not like the majority of JW's who would never dream of acting like this.

rachbc

So she is in her home with her husband - where are her mother and sister during the evenings? Are they at the house...if not can you go there to talk to her, if they are then why isn't her husband telling them to leave?

DON79

blue_monkey wrote: »

The things her mother and sister have told her and done to her, are nothing short of disgusting and disgraceful, they ought to be ashamed of themselves for destroying this young girls life but they will not be, they feel nothing of the sort. The mother is a Jehovas Witness and if they smoke they are supposed to sit in this glass room in the corner as they have sinned but the mother will not do this as the rules do not apply to her.

Oh, and her sister already has a DATE lined up for her next week and is 'taking her out on the town'. Plus they have 'booked her a holiday' for the next few weeks so she can go clubbing, get drunk and find someone else.

The mother and daughter are as nutty as fruitcakes IMO and they are both mentally unstable and are trying to drag my friend down with them. When she said that she did not want more alcohol as she felt unwell, they offered to go and get her DRUGS instead!! I feel so angry for her but I am pleased that she has realised what is really going on - however, I have told her that she NEEDS to deal with this or they will do it again and again (this is not the first time either)..

This behaviour by the mother and daughter is certainly not how a JW would behave at all so I doubt very much that they are JW's. And if they are and this is the case, it definitely needs to be reported to the elder's in the congregation regarding the abuse/alcohol and drugs.

Also as JW, we don't tell people "you have sinned" or "you are a sinner" and it is just not the way we talk to each other or about each other.

I do hope your friend and her husband get through this and JW or not, it sounds like she really needs to move away from her crazy family and just be where they cannot find her.... and try get her medical help for her eating too.

kate1976

Holy moly BM, just read this thread and although I have no advice to give I just wanted to say I hope you get your friend the help she so obviously needs, such a sad situation but sadly it does happen

Triker

Hope you're ok Blue Monkey and your friend and her children.

SDG31000

I just wanted to wish you and your friend the best of luck blue_monkey. It is absolutely terrible what her family is putting her through. One thing that her DH could look into is cancelling/putting a block on the children's passports. That way they can't be used by her family to take the children out of the country.

blue_monkey_2

I just wanted to update. I have spent tonight at the police station.

My friend came to see me after school, I said did she want a coffee and she said 'yes, they won;t find me here yet'..... and so started the barage of calls because they wanted to know where she was. We talked about everything and she told me she was off to the doctor, she finally admitted how underweight she was. We talked a lot. I showed her the DV website and I said 'I saw this, tell if you can find something on that list they did not do'. There was not one thing. I said I would take her to the police station tomorrow because there was only one way she could stop it, and I was not doing it to boss her around, but to free her from this life she has.

She went off to the docs (who gave her AD to take after food, she was devastated I think). If anyone knows how we can get the anorexia taken more seriously I would be really grateful, the doctors are not listening.

Anyhow her BIL had the audacity to call my house on my ex-directory number - twice. I asked him where he got the number 'from a family friend', I told him it was ex-directory and never to call again. My parting shot was 'why don;t you leave her the hell alone, she has probably run away' and put the phone down. The 3rd time they got my husband - they asked for me and he said no - and he gave them 10 guns, told him he knew what was going on and said (and this still makes us laugh) come to my house I'll call the police, come in my house you'll be going home in an ambulance. Never knew he had it in him. But they now know that we know everything.

I told my friend, she apologised - told her to stop being silly, she told me she had seen them driving around the village looking for her (she was on her way to mine where I told her to come), she went and hid the car, called her husband, he got the kids, she has gone to gather her thoughts. By the time he got home, the police were on his doorstep as her family had reported her 'missing' she had been with me for 90 minutes and an hour at the docs and getting food.

They accused him of all sorts, called the house on the phone and started screaming abuse at the husband who then handed the phone to police..... busted. Was the beginning of the end really. The family have screwed themselves and I hope they are going to get in trouble for what they have done as the police told me if there were charges to press then they would.

I have been in the station telling them everything tonight. I have learned a lot more today about her family in the 2 weeks I have not seen her. The police are doing door to door. have interviewed the children, her husband and me. Basically the family have been caught with their lies and bull shi*. They are interviewing my friend when she comes home, they ARE going to speak to her so I think a specialised DVC will speak to her and this will be the begining of the end.

I am exhausted, tired and I ache, I feel that while we are not at the end of the road, the light is shining.

I want to thank you all for your help, any friend would do the same, or I hope they would, I do not think I could have got this far without everyone pushing me along. Finally all the reports I made to everyone are going to come to light and they will be found for what they really are. Nasty, nasty pieces of work. Thank you, all of you.

blue_monkey_2

Just to add to the lady from JW - I am so sorry if I implied things, this is what they do at KH here, this is what my friends mother told her - that there was a glass box at the back of the room and if she has sinned she has to sit in it but she would not do that. I do not know anything about the religion so I am sorry if you was offended by this. I was trying to show the contempt her mother shows. Maybe it does not happen and her mother was trying to big herself up or something, but was saying what she told her daughter.

Thank you for advising on how it really is, I hope that following this they get shamed to leave the church (I am sorry if not using the correct terms).

Hmmm, I now wonder if she goes at all. Maybe she was wanting to look like something she is not. I am not sure, this is what she told my friend though. She probably lied about that.

They picked the wrong person to mess with when they involved me I am afraid, having been there before I knew exactly what they were - only they screwed themselves by reporting her missing. Ironic, isn't it really.

Now I need a long hot bath. Thanks again, all of you, for helping me to get my head in perspective. Everything for a reason, this had to happen this way, although it has been a long, long ride.

whitewing

bm - you did good, well done.

Best of luck to you all.