His parents don't know there is a baby :O

JoJoB

If you are going to tell them you should inform the child's father first. Explain you realise it may cause short-term difficulty for him but in the long term it is not appropriate to keep the child a secret from his/her biological grandparents. Tell him you are giving him the opportunity to break it to them his way, but if he chooses not to tell them then you will be doing so.

Thumper7

Abby,

I don't think you should be making any decisions on this until the baby is born. Take a step back and enjoy your pregnancy.

Don't feel, that because most of the opinions on here are that you should tell the grandparents, the brother, sister etc that you should.

If you do decide to let his family know about his child then unless you know them personally, I wouldn't let them know by facebook.

This is a huge decision you will be making, and only you can decide what is best in the long run.

Take care and I hope all goes well for you.

ailuro2

not read all the thread, but wanted to ask what if the ex disappears in the States and can't be contacted - would you then have to find his parents, tell them they have a grandchild and could you please have their son't contact details at you want your husband to adopt the child?

Or, God forbid, you fall on hard times and need help with the child's upbringing financially or otherwise.

Tell your ex he needs to tell his family there is still a baby, if he can't handle the consequences then he shouldn't have taken any risk.;)

abby1234519

puddy wrote: »

you said he had a brother, and theres nothing wrong with contacting either the brother or the sister and giving your details and phone number and asking them to contact you as you have some joyus news for them

you are just finding excuses, you have a way to do it, you said you were able to contact the brother or sister and now you cant all of a sudden

No.....I did NOT say I cannot contact the brother or sister. But it is not their issue to deal with. I don't want to spread the news around his whole family without giving him the chance to do anything. It would be his father or mother I would contact. I refuse to send a message to his 16 year old sister (if she is even that old) on the grounds that I do not want to distress her. Because she is a TEENAGER.

ailuro2 wrote: »

not read all the thread, but wanted to ask what if the ex disappears in the States and can't be contacted - would you then have to find his parents, tell them they have a grandchild and could you please have their son't contact details at you want your husband to adopt the child?

Or, God forbid, you fall on hard times and need help with the child's upbringing financially or otherwise.

Tell your ex he needs to tell his family there is still a baby, if he can't handle the consequences then he shouldn't have taken any risk.;)

Yes, if he disappears I would have to be able to write to his mother who is the only one of his parents in England, I think to ask for a forwarding address etc

And if I need help financially with upbringing my child it would be my parents I turn to or my grandmother actually, I would never dream of asking his parents for financial assistance as it isn't their child

I think my first step is just to say I think he needs to tell his parents, I won't be forceful. And then see what happens. I've got 6 weeks left, I won't be causing a rucus in that time, who knows what could happen I could lose the baby technically. I know it is doubtful that that would happen but it is always something I worry about anyway!

Mojisola

abby1234519 wrote: »

I guess the long and short of it is that I do think they need to know at some point, but I don't know how to do it or when to do it.

It is very difficult and I don't envy you having to make the decision. It's one of those times when you won't know what the right choice will be until after you've decided.

You don't know how everyone else is going to react to the news - will they disown your child, will they want to interfere with your life, will the genetic father hold a grudge because of the way his parents react, etc.

Even if you don't contact the family, do let your child know - in age-appropriate ways - that his/her Daddy isn't his/her genetic father. It won't detract from the love he/she gives Daddy because he's the one who will be there all the time, loving and caring.

princessdreamer

Hi sweetie. My situation is different as I was married to my childrens father for a long time. When he walked out he stopped all contact with the children only threatening to go for access to get money out of me. However due to a lot of hard work on my part the children still have their grandmother in their life, yes I have to do all the chasing send letters, e-mails and take them to see her. At the end of the day I want my children to know I did my best to ensure they had contact with their whole family.

abby1234519

princessdreamer wrote: »

Hi sweetie. My situation is different as I was married to my childrens father for a long time. When he walked out he stopped all contact with the children only threatening to go for access to get money out of me. However due to a lot of hard work on my part the children still have their grandmother in their life, yes I have to do all the chasing send letters, e-mails and take them to see her. At the end of the day I want my children to know I did my best to ensure they had contact with their whole family.

My OH's said my child can't call her Grandmother as she'd go mental as she doesn't want to be a grandmother till she is in her 70s.....shes in her early 50s thatwould mean he wouldn't have children for 18/20 years!! That would mean I would be 42!!!

I have explained to him that if we stay together he WILL be a paternal figure and is more than likely to end up being called Dad as he wants to move in with me next year! So he doesn't have much choice.......I've also said that once this baby is here "I" don't just consist of "me" it is "me an the baby" as one unit if that makes sense.

Financially I can get through the next couple of years, once I graduate who knows what will happen. The problem is I had already said to him I didn't want child support from him so applying for it when the baby is born only serves to make me look like a psychopathic cow. Who knew life could be so complicated! At the moment my reasonings for contacting his parents are mainly because I am annoyed with him for lying, I don't think approaching them in that mindset is a good idea. If I do it, I will have to wait till I have calmed down and also settled into being a mum because that is the priority. I will text him though saying I think he should tell them and give my reasons why. We shall see what he says

jetta_wales

Why do you keep going on about how his sister is only a teenager so it would be wrong yadda yadda when you've already said he has an older brother who you could contact.

abby1234519

jetta_wales wrote: »

Why do you keep going on about how his sister is only a teenager so it would be wrong yadda yadda when you've already said he has an older brother who you could contact.

Because someone repeated that I should contact her. So I repeated back..

Anyway I have made my decision.

I've sent him a text saying why he needs to tell his parents. He hasn't replied and I will go from there

Mojisola

abby1234519 wrote: »

The problem is I had already said to him I didn't want child support from him so applying for it when the baby is born only serves to make me look like a psychopathic cow.

I don't think you have to stick by something you said in the heat of the moment. Your child has the right to support from the father. If you want to manage day-to-day without it, put it in a savings account.