His parents don't know there is a baby :O

abby1234519

oldtractor wrote: »

The important person in all this is the child. Let the grandparents know and let them build a relationship with their grandchild.

Unfortunately we are way past that now! He's the only one who can tell them as I have no physical way to contact them.

building_with_lego

How are you getting on Abby? How's motherhood for you?!

K,A+P_2

Just wanted to add (although I haven't read though the entire thread, so apologies if I've missed something!) I know someone who was in the EXACT same situation as you, in fact for a second I thought it might have been her posting this thread under a disguise!

After almost 2 years of not knowing what to do, she eventually contacted FOB's parents. She sent them a lovely letter and enclosed a couple of photos of her daughter and a contact number, should they want to get in touch.

She heard back from them almost straight away and had a very lovely, very tearful long phone conversation with the grandmother, who told her that the father had told them she'd had an abortion, and that was the last they heard of it. They didn't even know they had a grandchild.

The grandmother was absolutely ecstatic that she'd got in touch and they arranged to travel up from London to Scotland to meet their grandchild. They stayed in a hotel for a few days and they all had an absolutely fantastic time together. They're now in regular contact and have a great relationship with their grandchild, from what I've heard.

Anyway, I really hope things are well! x

abby1234519

building_with_lego wrote: »

How are you getting on Abby? How's motherhood for you?!

Everything so far is going ok! Definitely a lot easier staying with the parents, it means that I can sleep lots whilst mum amuses herself with her grandson.

He is a very long baby, when he was born he was dead skinny, almost like my placenta wasn't passing the fat over to him! He has filled out since (he is 2 weeks old tomorrow). He's an "easy" baby, doesn't cry much unless he is absolutely starving or has tummy ache.

I texted the father to say "Congratulations" his response was along the lines of that it was congratulations to me but not to him as he was treating it like a closed adoption. Ie he had "no rights" to the child. He still says he will make a monetary contribution when he gets a job. Which he obviously does not have now, although he will be claiming JSA. I see from Facebook he probably is living at his mums.

On another note, I mentioned a while back that I thought I had perhaps found out his address but then decided it was wrong (This was months ago I may not have mentioned it). He posted his postcode up on FB for a friend and it matches the postcode I had found. So I do know his mothers address.

However....my OH loves little JK. He is absolutely besotted. He refers to himself as stepdaddy (although he is Daddy as far as I am concerned) and adores him. We are apart at the moment as I am at my parents and he is 60 miles away. He is picking me up next Wednesday to take me down to his parents to introduce JK to his parents and to take him into his work to show his colleagues. I get texts that he really misses me and baby which shows he is taking to this far better than I imagined. He declared he needs photo frames for the photos of JK that I had printed for him.

So whilst M is the father biologically, Fluffy is the father by osmosis (because strangely JK looks very much like Fluffy...its scary, he looks nothing like his biological father).

My parents, and a fair amount of my friends still stand by accepting that my family might be of an odd structure and not to upset the balance by contacting M's mother. And I still only feel I would do it to "teach him a lesson" so in that respect it can't be the right thing to do. Especially as she has been depicted to be a harsh woman.

I even had the horrible thought that I would threaten M that if I didn't recieve child maintenance that I would write to her. Which just proves I shouldn't do it as thats horrible of me to even think it, just a bitter young lady aren't I at the moment!

K,A+P wrote: »

Just wanted to add (although I haven't read though the entire thread, so apologies if I've missed something!) I know someone who was in the EXACT same situation as you, in fact for a second I thought it might have been her posting this thread under a disguise!

After almost 2 years of not knowing what to do, she eventually contacted FOB's parents. She sent them a lovely letter and enclosed a couple of photos of her daughter and a contact number, should they want to get in touch.

She heard back from them almost straight away and had a very lovely, very tearful long phone conversation with the grandmother, who told her that the father had told them she'd had an abortion, and that was the last they heard of it. They didn't even know they had a grandchild.

The grandmother was absolutely ecstatic that she'd got in touch and they arranged to travel up from London to Scotland to meet their grandchild. They stayed in a hotel for a few days and they all had an absolutely fantastic time together. They're now in regular contact and have a great relationship with their grandchild, from what I've heard.

Anyway, I really hope things are well! x

Things are well thank you

The problem with the above is, the grandparents sound lovely! He has always talked about his mother being cold/unfeeling etc. He isn't bitter towards her, but her reaction to me being pregnant apparently was " I'm too old for this" and relief when I "had an abortion". She is only in her 40s!

Decluttering

Glad to hear that motherhood is treating you well and that your baby has a father figure who can provide more love for him than the biological father! My best wishes for your future and for your lovely family x

K,A+P_2

abby1234519 wrote: »

Everything so far is going ok! Definitely a lot easier staying with the parents, it means that I can sleep lots whilst mum amuses herself with her grandson.

He is a very long baby, when he was born he was dead skinny, almost like my placenta wasn't passing the fat over to him! He has filled out since (he is 2 weeks old tomorrow). He's an "easy" baby, doesn't cry much unless he is absolutely starving or has tummy ache.

I texted the father to say "Congratulations" his response was along the lines of that it was congratulations to me but not to him as he was treating it like a closed adoption. Ie he had "no rights" to the child. He still says he will make a monetary contribution when he gets a job. Which he obviously does not have now, although he will be claiming JSA. I see from Facebook he probably is living at his mums.

On another note, I mentioned a while back that I thought I had perhaps found out his address but then decided it was wrong (This was months ago I may not have mentioned it). He posted his postcode up on FB for a friend and it matches the postcode I had found. So I do know his mothers address.

However....my OH loves little JK. He is absolutely besotted. He refers to himself as stepdaddy (although he is Daddy as far as I am concerned) and adores him. We are apart at the moment as I am at my parents and he is 60 miles away. He is picking me up next Wednesday to take me down to his parents to introduce JK to his parents and to take him into his work to show his colleagues. I get texts that he really misses me and baby which shows he is taking to this far better than I imagined. He declared he needs photo frames for the photos of JK that I had printed for him.

So whilst M is the father biologically, Fluffy is the father by osmosis (because strangely JK looks very much like Fluffy...its scary, he looks nothing like his biological father).

My parents, and a fair amount of my friends still stand by accepting that my family might be of an odd structure and not to upset the balance by contacting M's mother. And I still only feel I would do it to "teach him a lesson" so in that respect it can't be the right thing to do. Especially as she has been depicted to be a harsh woman.

I even had the horrible thought that I would threaten M that if I didn't recieve child maintenance that I would write to her. Which just proves I shouldn't do it as thats horrible of me to even think it, just a bitter young lady aren't I at the moment!



Things are well thank you

The problem with the above is, the grandparents sound lovely! He has always talked about his mother being cold/unfeeling etc. He isn't bitter towards her, but her reaction to me being pregnant apparently was " I'm too old for this" and relief when I "had an abortion". She is only in her 40s!

And that's EXACTLY what my friend's FOB told her about his parents! That his mother was an alcoholic and was rude and cold and would probably be nasty to her. All lies to get her to stay away - sadly it did work for 2 years and she was too scared to get in touch. But in the end she felt she owed it to her daughter to at least try.

Having said that, my son, who is 2 in October - has never met his grandparents on his father's side. (His dad doesn't have anything to do with him either and has never wanted to). I would never make the effort to get in touch with them because they know full well that my son exists and his mum was a right rude old hag when I met her the one time! They've never wanted anything to do with him either.

My OH's parents absolutely DOTE on my son (they're obsessed!) and they are the most amazing grandparents to him I could ever wish for. OH is an absolutely amazing father to him, just like your OH is to your little one I can hold my head up high knowing I've done the very best for my son and so can you

It's a real shame though, isn't it? Seeing your beautiful, perfect child and not understanding for even a second how or why his own father could just cast him away like that. I feel sorry for them, they'll never know the joy and happiness they've missed out on.