His parents don't know there is a baby :O

abby1234519

Recieved a message today, hes back from holiday and the gist of it is that:

He'd like to buy me a cot or give me the money I spent on it. So I've replied that I spent £169.99 (or will have done once I've paid for a mattress)

Then he says "Regular payments are impossible until" he gets a job. What do you think he means...I don't want to assume he's decided to be financially responsible as before he said that he would give me £50 a week for a month? Or that is what I understood.

He then goes to say he hopes the birth goes smoothly and that even though he won't be part of the babies life that he will grow up fine and unemotionally damaged as he didn't have a problem with his dad leaving ( I would debate this!)

I replied that you can't judge whether this will affect the baby's life as each child is different and if he doesn't have a father figure it may well do.

I'm not that too confused I just am trying not to read TOO much into the monetary side of things.

RAS

Abby

Can we clarify; is this man a British, Cypriot or Japanese citizen? Does he intend living in the UK for the foreseable future?

abby1234519

RAS wrote: »

Abby

Can we clarify; is this man a British, Cypriot or Japanese citizen? Does he intend living in the UK for the foreseable future?

British? He's only been on holiday to Japan (but was going to go live there) and Aiya Napa (is that in Cyrprus....)

And yes by the sounds of things, hes staying in my city apparently

RAS

So he knows that you are entitled to 15% of his income for the next 16-19 years.

abby1234519

RAS wrote: »

So he knows that you are entitled to 15% of his income for the next 16-19 years.

See I wondered whether this is the case because before he basically said he wouldn't be emotionally or financially responsible so is this him trying to prevent me going to the child support agency? I just can't work out the mans logic. I don't even know if he means continous payments or not, its rather out of the blue

RAS

The minute you go to the CSA, he is financially liable, whatever he says. He can try and argue it is not his child but then the CSA will demand a DNA test and if he is the father, they will bill him for that as well.

if he does not pay, the arrears mount up and they can deduct the debt from his dalary at 40% maximum.

The only way he can get out of it is to emigrate to a country that has no REMO agreement with the UK or to never work or claim benefits.

Unless you are kind enough to not bother.

abby1234519

I'd rather not bother, I think its a good step that hes made the offer of paying for the cot and I am happy to see how it goes from there. If he decides to make continuous payments I'd be impressed and as I've worked out my budget already I'd put it in an isa for big baby expenses or maybe as savings for him. After all it is maintenance for him and he will need school uniform one day in the future.

I saw that if someone is on minimum wage at 37.5 hours a week they would have £28pw deducted as maintenance, I thought that was a lot because if someone is on minimum wage wouldn't that make it really hard for them to survive and pay their bills? If they live alone that is

RAS

I personally agree; there is a minimum living figure but we have seen some really really hard cases where people would have been eligible for benefits on their income after paying JSA, if the CSA payments were an allowable expense. So they are living below the breadline.

What you may need to do is to make him aware that you know and that you expect support, and as long as something is coming in in the early days, OK. But if he starts to earn a decent wage, you want a decent payment.

abby1234519

RAS wrote: »

I personally agree; there is a minimum living figure but we have seen some really really hard cases where people would have been eligible for benefits on their income after paying JSA, if the CSA payments were an allowable expense. So they are living below the breadline.

What you may need to do is to make him aware that you know and that you expect support, and as long as something is coming in in the early days, OK. But if he starts to earn a decent wage, you want a decent payment.

I wouldn't take £28 per week if he was working full time at minimum wage as I don't want him to have a rubbish standard of living when I in fact won't. I know I have all the responsibility of raising our child, however my income is going to be high whilst at university. I'll take what he can afford, don't want to begrudge him a life

oldtractor

The important person in all this is the child. Let the grandparents know and let them build a relationship with their grandchild.