His parents don't know there is a baby :O

abby1234519

Some of you may remember my situation, but if not nevermind.

Short story is fell pregnant, knew after 2 weeks told the father and his reaction was he didn't want anything to do with the child. But he told his parents. Now we don't talk often, last time was because I needed to find out if he had any medical conditions in his family I might want to know about, time before that it was to tell him I had to always have his contact details just in case I got married one day and my "husband" wanted to adopt. That sort of thing.

I found out the other night that because his dad was being a "hypocrite" and saying that he had to be involved he told his dad that I had had an abortion. He has only just told me now because he thinks I am "cool with it" but didn't know how I would react at the time. He has told his mum the same.

I'm not sure how to react to this? My mother says I shouldn't tell the biological grandparents as it is up to the father to tell them. Seeing as I don't want to child support from him she thinks its better to leave it. I have a funny feeling that if his father knew that there was a child he wouldn't pay for him to do a Masters in america next year....he would make him be involved (even though his dad lives in Japan) somehow. And that would make him very bitter as he has no emotional attachment or anything. Part of me is feeling like he should be taught a lesson, part of me just thinks that well he did state how he felt like it at the start. And he knows I am rather happy with my boyfriend and I am pretty sure he is hoping the boyfriend will take on parental responsiblities which is why he always wishes me well!

To tell the grandparents or to leave it to the biological father to do so? And if he doesn't just forget about it and act like I made this baby all by myself!! I'm due in July and had intended to Facebook a photo of the newborn to his relatives saying I understand you probably don't want to be involved but I thought it only right to send you a picture of your grandchild. Now its a case of.....they don't realise there is going to be one....

mishkanorman

The petty side of me says tell his parents and teach him to grow the hell up, my more reasonable side says you should respect his wishes - you have both chosen a life apart and you seem fairly happy without,

From a mothers point of view, my kids love having their grandparents around and are adored by them, are his parents they type of people to spend time with your baby or would it be guilt tokens of money in a card every birthday ?

hmmm its a tough one !

vixarooni

From the childs point of view i think its best to have grandparents on the scene. They can offer so much to a child, but as the poster above said, if they're not going to be around its probably best to leave it as it is.

pigpen

He has a duty to pay fo his child whether he wans to see it or not.

Grandparents have no legal rights to the child so what difference will it make to anyone whether they know or not? Who would gain from their knowing? You? the baby? The granddad live in Japan.. he wont have a relationship with the child.. Would you really be happy with him being forced to see a child he has made it plain he has no interest in seeing?

I'd stay clear of his parents and get him to pay through csa if you have to but he should provide for the baby.

vax2002

Send a pic in the post of you and baby , let them work it out.
They may help and support you, or they may ignore you, which is exactly the same as what you have now.
As for the dad, America probably is not far enough.

POPPYOSCAR

Speaking as a grandmother myself I adore my grandchildren and we both get so much from the relationship and I would want to know. It would break my heart to find out later on, as seeing them grow is very special to me.

When your child gets older they may ask about their grandparents and want to contact them and feel they have missed out in the early years.

Ultimately you must do what you feel is best for your child and no-one else.

CH27

Would you be happy for his parents to spend time with your child?

January20

I (again lol) agree with Pigpen. The grandparents don't need to know. You don't know what kind of can of worms you may open if you tell them. Teach him a lesson? why? What right have you got to? what would you really gain from it? probably nothing more than a lot of aggro.

You should get him to pay for his child though. It's his responsibility. Whether he (and you) likes it or not.

pjcox2005

I guess the question is would you be happy if the father got more and more involved. Wanted visits etc, to help out on decisions in life. If you can cope with that tell the grandparents.

If you can't then I wouldn't as if he then feels he wants to (as it's all now in the open) you could be making a decision you regret.

In part i'd probably say the same about maintenance. If you don't need it then why claim it if it could make life difficult.

DON79

also, just a thought, but what happens when your child is older and asks about their real dad? Do you want to have to tell them that their father wished them dead or aborted? And that this is what he told his family to hide he/she from them as though he was ashamed....

I still think you definitely need to make him support his own child, it is the very least he should be doing even if he is not being honest about everything else.

galvanizersbaby

January20 wrote: »

I (again lol) agree with Pigpen. The grandparents don't need to know. You don't know what kind of can of worms you may open if you tell them. Teach him a lesson? why? What right have you got to? what would you really gain from it? probably nothing more than a lot of aggro.

You should get him to pay for his child though. It's his responsibility. Whether he (and you) likes it or not.

Hi abby

I agree with this statement - I do remember your story and right at the start you did say that you felt the same as this fella (i.e. had no real feelings for him and were just friends)
I agree that in an ideal world he would take responsibility financially and emotionally for his child but I think you need to have a proper think about what you are hoping to achieve by involving his parents and what you are comfortable with as it is you that is going to be bringing up baby.

Good luck