His parents don't know there is a baby :O

abby1234519

CH27 wrote: »

Why on earth are you stalking him if you want no contact with him?

I didn't mean it literally, I have him as a friend on facebook still...it came up in my newsfeed that he was in the library doing an essay

And the reason we are still friends on facebook is I do have to have some way to contact him just in case....if he moves abroad I need to know surely if I have to track him down for something (which I would have no idea as to what this would be having never had a child before)

pinkmexican

Unless I am missing something... If you do tell them, isn't it highly likely that he will turn round and tell them that you told him you'd had an abortion? Making you the bad person again.

If possible I would be pushing him to tell the truth to them.

puddy

thats my point, you would be able to enable him to relate to his paternal heritage if you had contact with his grandparents, they would be able to provide that, a link that demonstrates to the child his origins. they may not be perfect but they'll be able to send birthday and xmas cards and possibly letters if they want to be involved, if not, as someone has said, you did your bit trying to ensure your child has that knowledge

puddy

pinkmexican wrote: »

Unless I am missing something... If you do tell them, isn't it highly likely that he will turn round and tell them that you told him you'd had an abortion? Making you the bad person again.

If possible I would be pushing him to tell the truth to them.

but why would she have told him that, only to present this child to the grandparents, that wouldnt make sense, she will need to explain to them that she understands he has told them that because he felt guilty at the pressure to support his son, she needs to be explicit

abby1234519

puddy wrote: »

but why would she have told him that, only to present this child to the grandparents, that wouldnt make sense, she will need to explain to them that she understands he has told them that because he felt guilty at the pressure to support his son, she needs to be explicit

Unless they assumed I was contacting them as I had suddenly decided I wanted money!!!

pinkmexican

abby1234519 wrote: »

Unless they assumed I was contacting them as I had suddenly decided I wanted money!!!

That was my point, you'd have to tread very, very carefully.

Sambucus_Nigra

abby1234519 wrote: »

Unless they assumed I was contacting them as I had suddenly decided I wanted money!!!

Why are you so scared of this point? Get the money off him and you won't need to look as if you are trying to get any off the parents.

abby1234519

And then there is the fact that I might not actually be able to contact them in which case my whole thread really is pointless!

puddy

well you're doing a successful job of talking them down and talking yourself out of contacting them

so the dad ran off, so the mum is bipolar, so the grandad committed suicide, is that all you can think of to identify them, they are obviously concerned about their son's lack of responsiblity you know that much

so contact the brother and sister, this child will be their nephew, the child also has a right to know them (paternal heritage)

abby1234519

puddy wrote: »

well you're doing a successful job of talking them down and talking yourself out of contacting them

so the dad ran off, so the mum is bipolar, so the grandad committed suicide, is that all you can think of to identify them, they are obviously concerned about their son's lack of responsiblity you know that much

so contact the brother and sister, this child will be their nephew, the child also has a right to know them (paternal heritage)

I was trying to demonstrate how little I know about his family, that is literally all I have ever been told about that. I have nothing else to identify them with.

Facebook isn't the best way to do it but if thats the only avenue open then thats how it is. I guess "If you don't mind passing this on to your mother" is the best way to go about it. I'm not keen to do this though till I have had the baby as thats tangible evidence of a child existing!

Oh and the reason my dad feels I shouldn't tell them is that he had a difficult upbringing and was the product of parents fighting and his mother used him as a "tool" for money etc. So thats where he is coming from