His parents don't know there is a baby :O

jetta_wales

It's not about what you want or what your ex wants it's about your child. Is it right to allow him to be ensured no relationship with his grandparents knowing you could do something about it?

I think by allowing it you are condoning it tbh and I don't think that's right at all.

CH27

puppypants wrote: »

So the lying little toerag gets to swan off to the US, possibly impregnating a few more girls along the way!!I would give him as much !!!!!! as the fan can deal with. When are men going to start being responsible where they spread their seed! Grrrrr!

It takes two to tango & two to make a baby.

Errata

Just coming at this from another POV. Assuming you don't want the father to have any involvement and that includes him not registering the birth with you. What proof will you provide that the baby is their grandchild, if they've been told you've had a termination? Their response to you might be ' yeah right, pull the other one'.

puddy

i suspect they know their son well enough to suspect that if she presents a child which would have been born when the 'aborted child' would have been, its his. they can put 2 and 2 together correctly

Cyynika63

make_me_wise wrote: »

You owe your ex nothing after the way he has behaved. Be the bigger person and tell those who have a right to know and a link to your child.

Got to agree with Make Me Wise on the whole. You cannot wish away what has happened.

You can none of you know how things will turn out in the future but I am convinced that keeping secrets like this and, however unwittingly, condoning such a lie will niggle away at you and become much harder to extricate yourself from as time passes. imho, better to keep your conscience clear and leave all avenues open. At the age when children are likely to ask about these things they are also going through a turbulent time themselves and it seems to me better to preserve your future relationship with the child than to act "honourably" now towards someone who has not had the decency to reciprocate.

mazy_m

Hey honey I couldn't read and run....from someone who never met one side of their biological grandparents I think you should tell them. Don't get me wrong i've had my mums parents and my adopted dads parents as amazing grandparents and i've even been spoilt enough to be adopted as a grandchild but very close family friends so therefore had loads of grandparents ...but nothing changes the fact that I've never known or met one side of my real grandparents an actual physical part of me...I'm not bothered about my real dad really although it would have been nice to see who he was etc but he doesn't want to know me...but they may want to get involved as no matter what the situation is that's their grandchild.

I hope you can come to a decision and do what's best for you as a family and for Joshua.

Good luck hon

Maz Xx

jackieglasgow

abby as someone who was raised by a step father and never knew my natural parent or his family, I would strongly advise you to tell your child the truth about the circumstances surrounding your pregnancy, and tell the grandparents. Just because the father doesn't want to be a dad to his child, it doesn't mean your child doesn't have the right to know where he came from, and have the chance to know two grandparents who may be able to enrich his life. If you tell them and they aren't interested then fair enough, but you need o be able to look that child in the eye when he's old enough, and tell him truthfully that you did try to keep his natural family involved in his life.

Sambucus_Nigra

You aren't going to like my response but you absolutely have to get maintenance off him and you absolutely have to let his parents know that they have a grandchild. You have to be the bigger person and this isn't about you or him, it's about the little one.

He needs to know that both parents contributed financially [even if you don't use it, put it in an account for HIS degree] and it's only fair that the grandparents have a chance to know their grandkid and vice versa.

It's unfair that he gets to swan off paid for by his dad, whilst not taking responsibility for and lying about his own child. Do not let that happen.

If the grandparents don't want to know then at least you did your bit.

abby1234519

DON79 wrote: »

I am sorry, it must be a horrible thing to have to think about and not what you need I hope your family dreams come true.

No it is a fair point, realistically even though he isn't born yet I have to consider how my actions and decisions now will affect the future!

make_me_wise wrote: »

I wonder how the child will feel about it all? Especially if it ever realises that its grandparents thought it didn't exist. Personally I wouldn't allow someone like your ex to drag me down to his level by involving me with his lies and deception. If all is out in the open there is nothing to come back and cause a whole lot of trouble later on. Why should you and your child be kept like a dirty little secret.

As a product of a two parent family I simply don't know. I'm all for honesty however.

puddy wrote: »

its not just when the child is older,,, OP how do you propose to bring this child up with an understanding of his or her paternal heritage, identity and information? how will the child relate to this, do you have photos or family history information about the dad and grandparents?

Well I don't know! I don't know anything about the parental heritage! The only information I have is that his father left them when they were young and that his mother is mentally ill, possibly bipolar. And his greatgrandad committed suicide. I know he has an older brother and a younger sister.

jetta_wales wrote: »

I think by allowing it you are condoning it tbh and I don't think that's right at all.

I am not "allowing" it, I did mention that I have just realised I cannot contact his father as his facebook doesn't allow me to! I'd have to message his little sister or older brother and to me thats a bit off. Especally when his sister is 17 or something similar.

puppypants wrote: »

So the lying little toerag gets to swan off to the US, possibly impregnating a few more girls along the way!!I would give him as much !!!!!! as the fan can deal with. When are men going to start being responsible where they spread their seed! Grrrrr!

To be fair...I should have been responsible about who I let.....you know...

I don't think I could tell the parents thinking about it, I have no way to contact his father unless I add him on facebook and hope he accepts!! I have no desire to be "friends" on that site. As for his mother, well I am hoping the person I believe to be his mother IS his mother!

I AM going to always be honest with my son as to who his biological father is. Anything I can answer I will in the best way I can

Also as for child maintenance, well that depends on whether he will get a job over the summer when he graduates university! He finishes this year, I know as he is in our university city finishing some essays if my stalking is correct

CH27

abby1234519 wrote: »

No it is a fair point, realistically even though he isn't born yet I have to consider how my actions and decisions now will affect the future!



As a product of a two parent family I simply don't know. I'm all for honesty however.



Well I don't know! I don't know anything about the parental heritage! The only information I have is that his father left them when they were young and that his mother is mentally ill, possibly bipolar. And his greatgrandad committed suicide. I know he has an older brother and a younger sister.


I am not "allowing" it, I did mention that I have just realised I cannot contact his father as his facebook doesn't allow me to! I'd have to message his little sister or older brother and to me thats a bit off. Especally when his sister is 17 or something similar.



To be fair...I should have been responsible about who I let.....you know...

I don't think I could tell the parents thinking about it, I have no way to contact his father unless I add him on facebook and hope he accepts!! I have no desire to be "friends" on that site. As for his mother, well I am hoping the person I believe to be his mother IS his mother!

I AM going to always be honest with my son as to who his biological father is. Anything I can answer I will in the best way I can

Also as for child maintenance, well that depends on whether he will get a job over the summer when he graduates university! He finishes this year, I know as he is in our university city finishing some essays if my stalking is correct

Why on earth are you stalking him if you want no contact with him?