His parents don't know there is a baby :O

jetta_wales

abby1234519 wrote: »

Oh so if he checked his friend requests the message from me would pop up? Even though I don't want to be "friends" with his father it would enable me to say "Hi, don't accept this add but blah blah blah"?

I definitely wouldn't lead with "don't accept this friends request" bit rude but certainly you could say "you don't have to accept the friends request but I didn't know any other way of contacting you and your privacy settings wouldn't allow me to just send you a message"

I'm not sure how much it will allow you to write but maybe include your e-mail adress and say...

"I just wanted to send you a few pictures of your grandson/grandaughter who was born on <date> weighing <weight>. I know that your son does not want to be a part of his child's life but I thought it only right to offer you the chance to know him/her if you wish to.

Kind Regards

<name>"

Evansangel

I dont think the message option comes up if you have PMs turned off.

Mine are set to friends only and only friends can pm me, it doesn't come up when you add me either until i accept the request.

jetta_wales

Evansangel wrote: »

I dont think the message option comes up if you have PMs turned off.

Mine are set to friends only and only friends can pm me, it doesn't come up when you add me either until i accept the request.

Well didn't you just p1ss on our chips lol.

Message one of his siblings instead then and just ask if it would be possible to have an e-mail address for one of their parents and then e-mail as above.

lostinrates

skipped from first page but: extended family can be incredibly, incredibly valuable in life (sometimes not to parents joy, grandparents can be a valuable second opinion). I'd tell them. I would keep it ''clean'' and NEVER discuss the relationship with their son, or breakdown or whatever with them, but have them as a source of love, inspiration and support for your child in the future.

meritaten

I would tell the grandparents. Then leave it to them to decide whether or not to be part of your babies life. Your baby has two sides to his family tree - if you keep one side secret you are denying him half his heritage.

pigpen

On the fb 'info' page there may be an email address come up if you look..

And you are allowed to change your mind bassed on your circumstances.. you may find the benefits people a bit difficult if you refuse to go for child support from him... they were very snotty with me! they said they might stop some of my money if I didn't 'comply'.. but after 2 years they don't seen to have done

My mother didn't want to be a grandmother ever... but that wasn't her decision to make! (she was actually 37 when I had my oldest)

LittleMissInDebt

I wouldn't tell them. I agree with the posters who said it is a can of worms, and also think if the grandparents wanted to see Joshua, he may well be bought in to repeated contact with a biological father who makes it obvious he doesn't want him. So for that reason I wouldn't.

I do think the biological father should pay money for him though, even if it all just goes in to a savings account for when your little boy is older.

Rotherham_Lass

FWIW I think you are doing exactly the right thing. It is not up to you to tell his parents, it is up to him. Your responsibility is just to be honest with your child from the start.

He has told you right from the beginning that he does not want anything to do with the baby, which is his choice. You have decided to go ahead with the pregnancy anyway, which is your choice. He will have to face the consequences of what he has told them if it all comes out in the future.

He has been honest with you (not them!). Why would you go behind his back? Ask him to tell them by all means but the final decision should be his not yours.

abby1234519

Well the conversation we have just had, albeit by text, is that he isn't leaving the country at least for a few years (am assuming that as he isn't talking to his dad much that he isn't paying for him to) and is going to be living in the same city as me for a while longer. By the sounds of things he will be there at least another 6 months and longer unless he gets a job down south.

He states he will say hello if he sees me in the street but it would be awkward if I am with the baby....... you think? Coming face to face with the child you've rejected...

meritaten

hun, I totally disagree with those who side with the dad about keeping the baby a secret. I am a grandparent and I would be furious if I discovered I had a grandchild I didnt know about. I understand that your BF told them at the time you were aborting the baby - but, Its your body, your baby and if you told them that you changed your mind, dont want financial support but just want them to know they have a grandchild - you will be, to my mind, doing the right thing. They may not want to know - right now, in future - who knows?
Your baby has a right to know his roots - to tell them now may well save them a shock in years to come when a grandchild pops up out of the blue!