Heartbroken!

peachyprice

leos-mummy wrote: »

I dont honestly believe he has a drink problem for he doesnt drink all the time but Im angry that he can c what hes doing wrong but wont change it.

For goodness sake wise up girl.

He DOES have a drinking problem He puts alcohol before EVERYTHING else, before, you, his children, money, health, EVERYTHING. If you can not see this as a drinking problem you are no better than him and you will both be responsible for ruining yet another innocent childs life.

Of course he won't change while you are an enabler. It's time you stopped sticking your head in the sand and put your child first.

CH27

leos-mummy wrote: »

No definately not, ashamed to say its me who has give him a slap once or twice and im not proud of it... i get wound up easily.

Ive told him that he really needs to sort himself out, to get help or he cant come home. he sort of laughed it off but I told him the fact hes drinkin rent money is a problem, the fact hes left me for 4 days to do everything is a problem

What annoys me is that when his other kids stay he is the perfect family man, takes them out etc. This is because he has no choice, they would understand if dad went out all night and didnt come home but our LO doesnt for hes too young but I know he will understand soon enough.

Im worried about keeping him out of house for too long, Im going to sound like his mother here but at least hes in a routine living here, close to work etc, i know if i dont allow him back home he'll stay at his brothers/uncles house probably continue drinking and miss a lot of work, not to mention having to forfeit seeing his kids at iweekend because they wont have anywher to stay. Its just not that simple, i know you's will think well thats his problem he can deal with it and i know technically it is but i dont want to come across as being unkind etc

You are enabling him to drink.

hippychick1

Hi

Your OH sounds exactly like mine was. They don't change, and you're enabling his behaviour by not taking a stand. He will carry on like this, as there is no repercussion from it.

I was given advice on here just like you are two years ago. I couldn't see how out of order his behaviour was. Largely down to support from this site, I left him. The relief was instant. Relief of never wondering what time he'd roll in never wondering if we had any money in the bank. Being in control of my own money still feels so great even now, two years later.

Stand up to him tell him he's out of order, maybe give him another chance. But if he does it again walk away. Your life will be so much better.

leos-mummy

Ive told him I dont want him home until he sorts himself out although I dont know what actually he's going to do about it.

emsywoo123

leos-mummy wrote: »

Ive told him I dont want him home until he sorts himself out although I dont know what actually he's going to do about it.

And what did he say to this?

Errata

i dont want to come across as being unkind etc

Be realistic. He's a grown man, he has to take responsibility for his actions. If he chooses to put booze before everything else, that's his choice and not your resonsibility. Right now you're colluding with him, enabling him to drink to excess without any repercussions. You are not helping him by doing that, exactly the opposite.

leos-mummy

emsywoo123 wrote: »

And what did he say to this?

Just said ok, hes getting a bit annoyed that i called him a bad father, i know he loves his kids there is no question but it isnt always enough and i know that.

I dont know if him staying away from the house is actually going to do much good as it just means im not nagging at him for drinking

thatgirlsam

Its a real shame. You won't leave him yet but one day you are going to look back and wish you had now, at this time - before too much damage was done.

You can't learn from others experiences, but beleive me, there are enough of us that have lived through this.. we know how it ends

You love him now, but you will grow to hate him as unreal as that sounds to you right now, you will get there

I wish you luck for now, you are going to need it.

LillythePink

Well for one thing you can empty your joint bank account and open a sole one then while he is !!!!ed get him to sign a form to close the joint account. Move bills to your account at least then you will have money for rent and not booze for him.

Apart from that all I have to say is put up and shut up (about him and his drinking etc) or get the hell out of the relationship.

No-one is forcing you to stay with him, you could do so much better alone than with him. He doesn't give a rats !!!! about you, your LO or his other kids you are not his mother you are supposed to be his partner but he probably treats the off license cashier better than he is treating you, at least they would throw him out if he showed them the same lack of respect he is showing you!

Get a life now before it's too late your son deserves more than the life he is exposed to now which will only get worse as you are so wrapped up in the !!!! you are living with that you can't see the damage that you will be inflicting on him never mind a man who is supposedly his dad!

Dawning

Errata wrote: »

Please don't tell me he's getting legless on my taxes :rotfl:

He only works 18 hours a week.