Heartbroken!

kathy206

leos-mummy wrote: »

he knows he's doing wrong, says he needs a kick up the @rse... yet hes still not at home, i dont know what to do anymore

Bless you.:( he doesn't need a kick up the @rse he wants you to wipe it for him!:mad:
He knows he's doing wrong,yet makes no effort to alter his behaviour:mad:
Only HE can make the necessary changes to his behaviour.
No amount of nagging from you will stop it. You are reinforcing his behaviour by tolerating it. HE has put you in this position- YOU are the one worrying what to do next, because of HIS actions.
If he was my OH he'd be looking for a new address until he cleaned his act up.:mad:
Whilst ever you will put up and shut up he has no reason at all to change, you'll make life a bit difficult for him and he'll grin and bear the atmosphere, mope around apologising, making promises and may even stick to them for a few days, weeks even, then come the next night out will do EXACTLY the same.:mad:
If you feel you need help try Al-anon a support group for the families of alcoholics.

CH27

leos-mummy wrote: »

but he is, i know hes bein a !!!!!! at the min but when hes not drinkin, (which really isn't that often) hes a great dad

No! He really is not!
When in the last 4 days has he given two hoots about his son?

globetraveller

suki1964 wrote: »

Everything Should be fine?????

And in an ideal world parents arent drunks with no regard for thier offspring ( he already has three from other relationships ) when they think its ok to booze away the income support away.

And lets just hope and pray they this child isnt left alone with the father when he thinks " just one wont hurt" and then becomes too drunk to realise the child has matches, or has wandered off out the house

A relation of mine finally left her alcoholic partner when she came home from work to find him drunk and asleep on the settee( in the middle of the day) and a chip pan on fire. Her toddler was upstairs.

Stop making excuses for him and for you ( you are already coping on your own). When I read your first post I just thought it was a drunken night out. It just gets worse with every further post.

What about relations? Is there anyone who can help/listen to you?

Errata

CH27 wrote: »

No! He really is not!
When in the last 4 days has he given two hoots about his son?

I doubt he's given his other children a second thought either. Certainly not the one that goes 'I won't !!!! my money up the wall, I'll treat the kids with it instead'.

Dawning

I agree that he isn't a good dad. And OP, what happens when your son is 5, or 10, or 12 and his dad is out doing this? He's too young to know what's going on just at the moment, but as he grows older he will be aware and it is an awful experience to be the child of an alcoholic. My mum stayed with my dad for too long, I was 12 when we left, and I had known from being about 6 years old that 'something was wrong' with my dad and that he wasn't there for me (Or for my mum) like he should be. I'm not going to go into detail because this post isn't supposed to be about me - I just want you to realise that this behaviour from your OH will have a massive, massive impact on your son as he gets older.

leos-mummy

I dont honestly believe he has a drink problem for he doesnt drink all the time but Im angry that he can c what hes doing wrong but wont change it.

kathy206

leos-mummy wrote: »

but he is, i know hes bein a !!!!!! at the min but when hes not drinkin, (which really isn't that often) hes a great dad

But can you not see, you have posted at least half a dozen times, where:
he has been on an all day bender and not come home until the next day,
you can't bear to sleep with him when he's drunk,
he has to drink EVERYTHING alcoholic in the house,
he sleeps until at least 3pm when he goes out.

This, I believe will only get worse for you. Ok fine, say he comes back later full of apologies and promises. What you won't realise is that he's probably thinking "well I went on a 4 dayer, the missus was a bit @rsey but I talked her round in the end" then the next time, (and believe me there will be a next time), how long will he stay out for then, perhaps only coming home for a bite to eat and a change of underwear, then draggin his @rse back when the drink runs dry or he's spent a night in A&E or a police cell?
You need help and support either from family, or friends, cos lady you aren't getting any support from him. Tot up how much he's spent on ale, and work out what you could have spent it on.:mad:

leos-mummy

Yep i dread to look in the account... rent due to be paid a week ago and no hope of gettin it gathered up til another week

CH27

leos-mummy wrote: »

I dont honestly believe he has a drink problem for he doesnt drink all the time but Im angry that he can c what hes doing wrong but wont change it.

Sweetie you are deluding yourself.
Put your son first & get out.

kathy206

leos-mummy wrote: »

I dont honestly believe he has a drink problem for he doesnt drink all the time but Im angry that he can c what hes doing wrong but wont change it.

Having an alcohol problem does not necessarily entail drinking from the meths bottle every day. He obviously (from your posts) cannot control his intake when he does drink which makes him a binge drinker. YOU cannot do this for him, HE has to see that this is not normal behaviour and change. As I said before, while ever you tolerate this behaviour, he has no reason to change, he has someone cooking for him, giving him clean clothes and he has somewhere to live. Is he not at work this week?