Want to leave OH can't bear living like this anymore

POPPYOSCAR

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Does he actually know how little you have to manage on? Have you ever discussed it? Or do you expect him to magically know (I know it should be obvious, but sometimes it isn't).

You grumble about him not buying you a card and then grizzle because he is buying one at 5.30 and won't let him buy one? What's wrong with buying one at 5.30?? You can't have it all ways and anyway it is not all that important in the overall scheme of things.

If he is aware how little money you have then that IS important, but things like buying a card (or not) are not, imho.

I think I see what the OP is getting at here. It sounds like he is just getting one because he feels he has to rather than taking the time to choose one in advance because he cares. Personally,I always look for weeks beforehand to get a card with just the right words .Buying a card might not be all that important in the bigger scheme of things but it would appear to me that this is just another indication of the lack of care in the relationship.

too_much_debt

Caroline_a wrote: »

On £15 a week which is what you said you earned?

I never said I earned £15 a week, someone else put that, I put that my 'profit' for the last tax year (not this recent one haven't done that yet) was £800, it will probably be more this year as for 3 months the last tax year I didn't do Ebay I had a break for a while. I have been trying to get my Top Rated Seller status back which I should do this month (touch wood!) as when I lost it sales dropped dramatically as I was coming lower in the searches.

This is profit, after all the overheads are taken off ie what I paid for the items, postage, Ebay and Paypal fees etc.

Caroline_a

I think we get that you don't want to be with him, that you find his faults 'unliveable-with', but you don't seem to have thought as to how you are going to finance your lifestyle after you leave him. You said that your Ebay made you £800 a year, yet you also say it pays for everything for the children, including food, clothes, shoes, etc, plus your credit card debt, which according to your signature is £16k+. That doesn't add up.

Edit - following your post above - profit surely equals what you make!! so £800 profit is what you earn from it, unless you are taking a salary from it as a small business?

too_much_debt

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Does he actually know how little you have to manage on? Have you ever discussed it? Or do you expect him to magically know (I know it should be obvious, but sometimes it isn't).

You grumble about him not buying you a card and then grizzle because he is buying one at 5.30 and won't let him buy one? What's wrong with buying one at 5.30?? You can't have it all ways and anyway it is not all that important in the overall scheme of things.

If he is aware how little money you have then that IS important, but things like buying a card (or not) are not, imho.

So you wouldn't expect your OH to at least leave you a card when they were going to be out all day, surely a card is not much to ask, the last two years for his birthday I have taken my girls out to pick him a present but certainly won't be doing it this year. I didn't grizzle I didn't want him to buy me a card as an after thought he obviously didn't think much of it being my birthday, my parents came up which is a 2 hour drive and made the effort why couldn't he at least left me a card, my girls found some Thank You cards and wrote them out for me all by themselves.

daska

£800 over 52 weeks is £15.38 a week. Over 39 weeks is £20.51. That's what you're earning. Your turnover is larger but doesn't count as earnings.

too_much_debt

The £800 was for the tax year 2009/2010, I haven't work out the 2010/2011 tax return yet.

real1314

So, you earn about what £25 a week?

Get £57 a week Child Benefit, plus £30 or so tax credits?

About £110 a week?

OH earns £37k, what's that come in at net? £550 ish?

he pays the mortgage, insurance, bills, car costs, repairs.

He does the DIY, but you resent that. He does the garden but you resent that.

You run the house, but it's not very tidy (by your own admission). You look after the kids. You sell on Ebay.

One tings for sure, if he's abusing you, you could probably be just as much be said to be abusing him. I think people claiming this that or the other as abuse are, quite frankly, insane. You cannot make that sort of claim from a few paragraphs on MSE.
It's dishonest, and just demonstrates that some people have an agenda they can't wait to start on.


I think you are in a rut of some sort and have decided the solution is to split up. Maybe you need to think properly about how he might be seeing things before you put this plan into action? :cool:

Caroline_a

So once you have left him what will you live on? you aren't in danger as far as we know, you just don't like him any more. Therefore you need to plan for your children's financial future when they don't have dad around any more.

You give the impression that you want us all to say 'how terrible, poor you', but it just seems that you havent thought any further than that. Being a single mum is far far harder than your life now - I'm sure that a lot of single mums on here will tell you that. You shouldnt need to stay in a relationship that you're not happy in, but as a lot of your posts say 'he doesnt do this, or that', do bear in mind that whatever he does do now, ie DIY, etc, you will have to do yourself when you are single again.

POPPYOSCAR

Too much debt I could not be in a relationship like you describe.

To me it is all about sharing and sharing everything you have.

I would rather be on my own with nothing than live like this, personally.

Eager_Elephant

I'm afraid I have to side with the OP, I think she should leave.

Having a fuly paid up house is no exchange for being trated like a skivvy.

If the OP were to leave her 'fully-paid up' house then she would get Housing Benefit and Council Tax Benefit to cover rent and council tax and as her child tax credit would increase and she would get Working Tax Credit so she would be able to cover the bills that her husband currently does.

This way at least she does not have the issues with her husband to contend with which will make life feel much better.

I am assuming that as your income is so low this has contributed to the increasing debt and of course you are in a vicious circle because as soon as you have more expense than your income you have no where to go except to put it on the credit card.

If you want to ask some money related questions I am here to help.

EE