Just feel like i want to end it all

Growurown

Hi Sue
Hope the car boot went well today.

I have had some experience with troublesome teens. Your son needs to know that there are consequences to his actions. If he steals from you tell him he has to pay the money back somehow, even if it means you feed him on nothing but beans on toast for a month. Sell some of his stuff instead. Take all the support from the YOT you can. You said your eldest son is a good lad, so you must have brought the boys up to know how to behave and to know right from wrong, so your 16 year old knows what he is doing. Unfortunately cannabis use isn't what it used to be, and he will be craving a smoke when he runs out, and he WILL steal from you to support his habit. My advice is to lock anything away that is even remotely valuable. My friend's son sold all her DVD's and CD's and all her jewellery to feed his habit. The jewellery wasn't worth much but she had a gold chain her grandmother gave her which was of great sentimental value and he even took that. Eventually she had to throw him out because he became violent. I hope your son sees the error of his ways but be prepared in case he doesn't.

dawn1974

Aw Sue, your post brought a tear to my eye.

You have been so brave leaving your violent ex and if you can do that you can do anything.

My mum was in a similar situation when I was young and she also struggled and had tough times too.

You will get there in the end.

Have a big talk to your son who is being bad and tell him how he makes you feel and I hope he pulls his socks up soon.

Lot's of nice people on here to help.

Take care x x

dawn1974

Scully38 wrote: »

Morning Sue glad you got a little sleep, little is better than nothing. I was thinking about you last nite. *hugs* I read you have a DMP already, but from what you're saying things have changed again, so you need a new Debt Management Plan. What I thought of this morning is, you need to open a new bank account, but a basic one without a chequing account or credit card. You just want one where you can put in your incoming money. With a new account money you're receiving won't get swallowed up by all your debts. This will help you gain control of your finances and the incoming won't get swallowed up by all your outgoings.

Your new bank account should be set up immediately so after you've been to the docs tomorrow set up a new bank account. The bank will ask if you have an account elsewhere, all you need to say to them when they ask you why you're opening a new one is that you're not happy with your old one. They will ask if you want all your direct debits transfered over by them. Say no, that you want to do it yourself. This way you maintain control and you're not transfering over bad non priority debts. What you'll need to do is then contact the DSS and other incomings transfered to your new account *the bank will give you your new number the and there).

Once all your incomings have been transfered over, then contact each of the priority debts and explain what has happened and set up a minimum payment with them.

Your priority debts are as follows:

Mortgage/Rent - The consequence is you could lose your home if this isn't paid. If you can, move into smaller accommodation for the time being, if you've got a three bed move into a two bed. Remember it will only be temporary as you will get back on your feet shortly.

Any secured loan against your home - The consequence is you could lose your home, you're renting so this shouldn't apply to you.

Council Tax - Consequence is a visit from the bailiffs. You might be entitles to a reduction as you're single with children under 18 still living at home, or you may be entitled to claim council tax benefit being on low income. You should be able to get at least 25% off the council tax bill each month at the very least.

TV Licence - Consequence is a fine or imprisonment. Remember with this you can set up weekly, monthly payments. If you have Sky cancel it and get a Freeview box or reduce it to the barest minimum, usually £9.99 or thereabouts.

Magistrates court Fines - Consequence is a visit from the bailiffs or imprisonment.

Tax/V.A.T/N.I - Consequence is a visit from bailiffs or imprisonment or attachment order to your earnings

Gas/Electric/Fuel - Disconnection. Look on those comparison sites to see if you ca get a better rate. If you're on the cheapest rate, contact each of them and ask to pay the minimum payment which is usually about £10-25 per month until you get back on your feet. Turn off non essentials, don't leave lights on or things on stand by.

Hire Purchase - Consequence is losing your goods.

Telephone - Consequence is Disconnection. Again call them and see if you can pay the minimum for say the next six months. Look at comparison sites to see if you can get things cheaper on a package deal. If you have a contract phone contact them and cancel it, switch to pay as you go mobiles.

House Insurance - Consequence is losing everything, particularly if you're a home owner. Again contact them and ask to pay the minimum.

Everything else is called Non Priority Debts, they're the ones where you need to write to all of the ask them to stop putting interest charges on the bills and tell them in writing that you can only afford £1 per month for the next 6 months. These include your Credit cards, your overdrafts, your mobile phones any store cards.

If you are within walking distance of work, walk to work, or get a weekly saver for the bus or train. I can't afford my car, not with insurance, tax, M.o.T, petrol. If you can walk to shops, do so, or arrange for the shopping to be sent to you if you normally drive there. Just remember to set yourself a budget.

Buying Food - Instead of buying all brand named foods switch to non brand names they're usually cheaper. Look for foods that fill you up such as pasta. Don't buy junk food, take-aways's these are luxuries you can't afford.

Car Boots are a great way of generating cash, get rid of old jewelery if you can, any DVD's, X-box/ Wii games that kids don't use anymore.

Also save money by not paying for hairdressers, cigs, papers, meals at works, sports, hobbies etc.. Just remember this is only temporary and you only have to live like a monk for a short period of time. It's not forever, it's just for a few months until you get back on your feet. And you will. *hugs*

Explain to your kids what's happening, they will probably know. Contact Social Services ask for their advice on your son and how to proceed as him causing all these problems isn't helping. Get counselling, get support from Women's groups, Domestic Violence organisations. Again your doctor can help you.

But you can do this, you can gain control. You will get through this. I'm lucky, my situation is temporary as i've sold my house to go into smaller accommodation, so for me there is light at the end of the tunnel within a few months. And I keep reminding myself that i'll at least by a size six by the time this is all finished... and I started off as a size 20 :P So that's a plus point LOL, At a size 14 now, so will be extremely skinny come the end of this. Only draw back can't buy new clothes, thank goodness for belts. :rotfl:

Thanks for posting this information it is very halpful.

Hugs to you too :A

dawn1974

Just had a thought!

Why don't you do Avon, I do it and love it and it keeps me busy.

I make about £20 per week and it get's me out and about meeting people.

This thread might help:-

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2951760

sotonsue

Thanku so much for your kind messages, you really don't know what it means to me.In away you all have been like samaritans to me.
GUESS WHAT !!...I made £80 on the carboot today!! (74 once i took my entrance fee off) the stuff i sold was what kind people had given me and a few bits of my own AND GUESS WHAT AGAIN ..I was on the way home and popped into the shop to check my lottery ticket and i had won £10 !! so £84 has gone into my secret purse ( the one my son doesn't know i have ..1st thing he asked me when i got home was "how much did i make" i said " i made nothing !!

i have took on board what u have said about the sim card and your right so i will get on to that 2moro

My main concern is my rent money,after growing up in care and being homeless as a teenager my biggest fear is always being homeless again.I will buy some basic's about £10 worth and keep rest of money in my secret purse to go towards the rent, just another £649 to find.i have got some tax credits going into my account this week and next so after i have took some out for abit more food, top up my gas and electric(i'm on a meter, landlord won't let me take it out)and some petrol to get to and from work i will put what little i have left in my secret purse too.
Tommorow i have got to ring CCS and tell them about my situatation and tell them i can only make a reduced payment to creditors this week and will need to reduce my monthy payments too ( i forgot this will have to come out of tommorows tax credits so will have less than i thought )

i had a warrant issued for my arrest last week an officer came to my house when i wasn't in ( thank god ) this is for non payment of fines MY SONS FINES !! which i have to pay because he's a minor.I have 3 lots of fines that have mounted up now.There gonna do payment plan but i must make a little payment this week...i am stopping my sons £5 aweek pocket money to pay for this, ive told him and he didn't like it but TOUGH i didn't like a warrant being issused for my arrest.Catch 22 though he'll look for other ways to get money ( but thats nowt new)

I dont own anything worth while for him to take now so he won't find anything here to sell and i'll keep extra eye on my purse (esecially my secret red one)

When i was at the carboot today my daughter came to see me with her boyfriend and bought me a burger and a cuppa tea, it really cheered me up shes lovely too (won't come here because of my son) she has scoliosis and hip troubles but she never moans and works full time as a carerer.She never ever thought she would have a boyfriend because of her medical issues but out of the blue she met one and he's lovely , i am so happy for her ,she lives in a bedsit with her boyfriend and there stuggling but there happy !! she too suffered abuse at the hands of my ex he put her in hospital when she tried to help me one night.She isn't his i had her when i met him and he never took to her.

I'm sat here alone (hate sundays)there just the lonliest of days but feel better for getting out today (didn't like gettin up at 6.30 though) it was good to talk to people and it broke my day up AND I MADE MONEY !!..think i should make this a regular think , even if i dont make anything some weeks it would be good for me, give me something to do

OOPS...ive wrote abit of a novel here havn't i ..feels good though feels like ive got someone listening to me and gets things off my chest...didn't know there was so many kind and caring people out there THANKU XXXX

elsiepac

sotonsue wrote: »

Thanku so much for your kind messages, you really don't know what it means to me.In away you all have been like samaritans to me.
GUESS WHAT !!...I made £80 on the carboot today!! (74 once i took my entrance fee off) the stuff i sold was what kind people had given me and a few bits of my own AND GUESS WHAT AGAIN ..I was on the way home and popped into the shop to check my lottery ticket and i had won £10 !! so £84 has gone into my secret purse ( the one my son doesn't know i have ..1st thing he asked me when i got home was "how much did i make" i said " i made nothing !!

i have took on board what u have said about the sim card and your right so i will get on to that 2moro

My main concern is my rent money,after growing up in care and being homeless as a teenager my biggest fear is always being homeless again.I will buy some basic's about £10 worth and keep rest of money in my secret purse to go towards the rent, just another £649 to find.i have got some tax credits going into my account this week and next so after i have took some out for abit more food, top up my gas and electric(i'm on a meter, landlord won't let me take it out)and some petrol to get to and from work i will put what little i have left in my secret purse too.
Tommorow i have got to ring CCS and tell them about my situatation and tell them i can only make a reduced payment to creditors this week and will need to reduce my monthy payments too ( i forgot this will have to come out of tommorows tax credits so will have less than i thought )

i had a warrant issued for my arrest last week an officer came to my house when i wasn't in ( thank god ) this is for non payment of fines MY SONS FINES !! which i have to pay because he's a minor.I have 3 lots of fines that have mounted up now.There gonna do payment plan but i must make a little payment this week...i am stopping my sons £5 aweek pocket money to pay for this, ive told him and he didn't like it but TOUGH i didn't like a warrant being issused for my arrest.Catch 22 though he'll look for other ways to get money ( but thats nowt new)

I dont own anything worth while for him to take now so he won't find anything here to sell and i'll keep extra eye on my purse (esecially my secret red one)

When i was at the carboot today my daughter came to see me with her boyfriend and bought me a burger and a cuppa tea, it really cheered me up shes lovely too (won't come here because of my son) she has scoliosis and hip troubles but she never moans and works full time as a carerer.She never ever thought she would have a boyfriend because of her medical issues but out of the blue she met one and he's lovely , i am so happy for her ,she lives in a bedsit with her boyfriend and there stuggling but there happy !! she too suffered abuse at the hands of my ex he put her in hospital when she tried to help me one night.She isn't his i had her when i met him and he never took to her.

I'm sat here alone (hate sundays)there just the lonliest of days but feel better for getting out today (didn't like gettin up at 6.30 though) it was good to talk to people and it broke my day up AND I MADE MONEY !!..think i should make this a regular think , even if i dont make anything some weeks it would be good for me, give me something to do

OOPS...ive wrote abit of a novel here havn't i ..feels good though feels like ive got someone listening to me and gets things off my chest...didn't know there was so many kind and caring people out there THANKU XXXX

Hi Sue

_party_ CONGRATULATIONS!!

Really well done on the car boot, that's fantastic!

So glad that this forum has made a bit of a difference for you as well, I think it's just great

I can't believe you were still giving your son pocket money at 16! And £5 a week at that! AND when he is stealing from you! At least it's stopped now though :T
enjoy the rest of your Sunday

LC xx

SamanthaA

Just wanted to add another *HUG* :grouphug:

Your situation sounds so terrible, and I cant imagine what the last few years must have been like.

I hope that you keep hanging round & use the advice to be found & give be the "wiseones" on this site.


Best of luck for your journey.

jackieb

You did great, Sue! :T

My dad says there's always a providence. :A

sotonsue

Thanku.
elsiepac...i gave him pocket money in away to get him out of the house just so i could have a break from him...other wise i'm sat there listening to daft rap music all night and he would pace up and down infront of me and i just want abit of peace on a friday after work.stopped it now though :-)

sotonsue

Doesn't it feel good to have money..i have been in my purse and folded all my notes up seperatly (shame i can't keep it)...oh how i would love to treat myself, can't remember the last time i bought anything for myself,well something new from a shop !! :-)