Just feel like i want to end it all

ghostmadlittlemiss

sotonsue wrote: »

thanku for your kind words kayleigh
I'm brilliant at making meals out of nothing ( ive had to be:) although nothing to fancy ...ive got tins in the cupboard and bags of pasta which the boys can have and some coffee mate so i can at least have a cuppa and toast.I really dont want another crisis loan as i'm really stuggling as it is without paying another one off and i dont think i could sit in that room again...that really did make me feel like a failure

You're welcome. I'm not really sure what you can do about your rent, except maybe talk to your landlord and explain the situation, same with your DMP. It might be possible to work something out with them. When do you next get paid? Also, since you're p/t, I presume you get housing benefit. Have a look on here and check you're getting all the money you can. When you do talk to the police about your son, explain the situation. Maybe they know of a support group for parents of teenagers who keep getting into trouble with the law. If there isn't one set up, there should be.

Glad to see you seem a lot calmer now. Do you think you'll be able to get some sleep soon?
Kayleigh
PS Didn't see your last post when I clicked 'send'. If you need to talk some more, just keep doing so.

sotonsue

Think i will try and get some sleep, i want to hunt round the again tomorrow for more carboot items...never done one before

ghostmadlittlemiss

sotonsue wrote: »

Think i will try and get some sleep, i want to hunt round the again tomorrow for more carboot items...never done one before

Ok, come back later and tell us how you're doing. I'll be thinking of you. (((hugs)))
Kayleigh

Scully38

sotonsue wrote: »

I'm sat here and i honestly just don't feel like i can go on anymore.

I left my violent husband (with the help of the police) after 12 years of abuse.Ever since i left him i have struggled, i'm on my own just me and my 2 sons 16 and 18, i have no family at all just me (what little family i have are uo north).My 16 year old has gone off the rails and has just been arrested AGAIN tonight.I am sat here while he's off to the policestation in the back of a van.I have made a point of not going and told police they will have to find an appropriate adult, i hated doing that but just cant sit there again all night in a policestation.

I'm sat here with £10 to my name, my rents due in 2 weeks and i dont have it, my dmp money is due out on monday and i dont have that either...this is due to my car breaking down and i had to pay for it £490 and my dad had a stroke and i had to go up North and spend money on travel etc.

Ive been gathering things together to do a car boot on sunday but to be honest what i have doesn't amount to much and i will need £6 of my £10 for the entrance fee.
I'm very carefull with food etc and have had lots of tips off here its just i never was fortunate to have money put buy for emergencys and they all came at once.

i just dont think i can go on anymore..think i would of been better of staying with my ex and gettin beaten up everynight..just feel like such a complete failure..i have tried i really have,cant remember the last time i smiled...just so worried

First of all *hugs*
Second, take a deep breath
Third, You may feel lonely, but you're NOT on your own and you're not a failure, a lot of people are in the same position you are or have been at some point in their lives.

I know exactly how you feel as I was in your position a few weeks ago, and to be honest am still at your position. I have £4 in my pocket to last me the next 3 weeks and I have no family to help me either. But I promise you it will get better. *hugs*

There are people out there that can help you and support you through this difficult time.

The first thing you need to do is write down a list of all you incomings and outgoings, note down all the people that you owe money to from Council Tax, Mortgage all the way to paying for your phone bill, credit cards, money you owe friends etc. I know this seems like a daunting task, but it is necessary for this all to be sorted.

Once you've written all your incomings and outgoings contact the Consumer Credit Counselling Service. 0800 138 1111 they're also online, they're open Mon-Fri 8am-8pm. This is a charity organisation who are non judgmental that will help you deal with your debt and set up a way to deal with your money troubles. My doctor suggested them as they are a charity so won't charge you anything. Don't worry if you get upset talking to them, given the amount of pressure you're under it's natural and they really understand. What they'll do is have a fifteen minute chat initially with you to go over your money problems and then they will transfer you to a debt manager who will go over all your incomings and outgoings and plan a budget for you.

They'll help you with explaining what are priority payments like Rent/Mortgage, Council Tax, TV Liscence etc and what are non priority payments like mobile phones (switching to pay as you go) and they will most likely advise you to contact in writing all your non priority debts and explain to them that you are suffering financial hardship at the moment and can only pay £1 a month. They will give you a template letter so you don't have to think about what to say it's all in the letter.

They will also explain what to do if you get phone calls and letters hassling you. They will also send you a home pack which gives useful information. You can ring them time and time again if you get anxious over bills etc coming in and how to deal with them.

I think it's also a good idea to speak to your doctor, I know it's a hard step to take, but they are very good in dealing with this, especially with how you're feeling. I am still seeing my doctor weekly as i'm in the same position as you and have been living on one bowel of frosties every day for the last three weeks, so it's taken it's toll. But they are seeing your problems more regularly, but they really can help, you just need to take that first step as difficult as it is. You're a very strong woman, you've proven how much of a fighter you are by leaving behind your violent past. You can do this and you will get through this, you're not alone. I'd also suggest contacting the CAB there may be financial help that you can get, such as hardship grants that a lot of people don't know about, there may also been benefits you're entitled to but didn't realise. Give them a ring on Monday.

First, ring the doctor and make an appointment on Monday.
Second contact the Consumer Credit Counselling Service it's free of charge even the phone call
Thirdly contact CAB and get some advice on benefits etc.

Your son might just be acting out given what you've all been through, again talk to your doctor it might be worth getting some counselling for all of you. You have all been through so much, you just might need some more help, don't be afraid to ask for it. Remember to hang on in there. Best wishes. *hugs*

shellyruby

maybe if you break it down into small things it wont seem as daunting as youve got a lot on your plate at the moment plus all the past stuff that happened to you to deal with.
the family problems put to one side for a second and deal with the big priority...making sure you have somewhere to live and are able to feed yourself and the kids.


i totally understand what you re saying with its all to much to deal with..when i had depression and couldnt face any tasks at all..i was so low i couldnt even be bothered to care about the problems and just retreated but the main thing you keep a roof over your head and food on the table..the only way i coped was to break it down and cope with one thing at a time.

you will come out of this and you will be so much better off for finding the courage to break with your ex.i know you dont feel like it now but you will be able to smile again..

the main thing is finding your rent or if you cant working out how to deal with it..do you private or council rent.

Scully38

sotonsue wrote: »

I had counselling ...i had this to help me get over the years of abuse at the hands of my ex. My brother killed himself 3 years ago ( he jumped off a block of flats ) this was due to the abuse we suffered in the childrens homes...i know the effect that had on me so i know i couldn't go a head with it as i think that would be selfish of me and who would my boys have then, no one !!...its just a feeling of wanting to give in/runaway a feeling of i cant go anymore if that makes sence...feels like i have had hardship and ive suffered from one kind of abuse to another...wish someone up there would give me a break...GET YOURSELF TOGETHER SUE !!

I read you couldn't take anti-depressants, but when did you try them. There are a lot of different types out there now. Some of the anti depressants do make you feel more depressed initially especially if you're feeling suicidal. I'm on my third different ones and they seem to be working, but your G.P should be monitoring you on a weekly basis for the first several weeks to see how you're doing on them, if he doesn't make the appointment ask him if you can see him regularly for the first few weeks because of the problems you had last time. Usually now they want you to take ant depressants and have couselling at the same time, and there are different types of therapy that will help you. It doesn't matter that you had counselling before, you need it again.

If you're working part time you might be able to get some child tax credit or other benefits even whilst working part time, you should also be getting money from your ex husband, he doesn't need to know where you and your kids are living, but he should still be paying you for their upbringing so its worth contacting the child support agency.

You might be entitled to child benefit, child tax benefit, Housing benefit, Council Tax reduction. If you are sick and can't work you can ask your doctor to sign you off and then claim Employment Support Allowance and that will also lead to you getting your council tax paid and your rent if you're renting and benefits for your kids it's worth having a look and doing an assessment online. Just hang in there. Get some sleep if you can, because if you're losing sleep everything seems harder to deal with. Try getting some rest now and look at things a fresh in the morning. It's always darkest before the Dawn, but sleep deprivation makes things seem 100 times worse than what they really are as it just makes things difficult to see clearly. So try and have a sleep if you can. xx

shellyruby

Scully38 wrote: »

I read you couldn't take anti-depressants, but when did you try them. There are a lot of different types out there now. Some of the anti depressants do make you feel more depressed initially especially if you're feeling suicidal. I'm on my third different ones and they seem to be working, but your G.P should be monitoring you on a weekly basis for the first several weeks to see how you're doing on them, if he doesn't make the appointment ask him if you can see him regularly for the first few weeks because of the problems you had last time. Usually now they want you to take ant depressants and have couselling at the same time, and there are different types of therapy that will help you. It doesn't matter that you had counselling before, you need it again.

If you're working part time you might be able to get some child tax credit or other benefits even whilst working part time, you should also be getting money from your ex husband, he doesn't need to know where you and your kids are living, but he should still be paying you for their upbringing so its worth contacting the child support agency.

You might be entitled to child benefit, child tax benefit, Housing benefit, Council Tax reduction. If you are sick and can't work you can ask your doctor to sign you off and then claim Employment Support Allowance and that will also lead to you getting your council tax paid and your rent if you're renting and benefits for your kids it's worth having a look and doing an assessment online. Just hang in there. Get some sleep if you can, because if you're losing sleep everything seems harder to deal with. Try getting some rest now and look at things a fresh in the morning. It's always darkest before the Dawn, but sleep deprivation makes things seem 100 times worse than what they really are as it just makes things difficult to see clearly. So try and have a sleep if you can. xx

scully that was a really nice comforting post..most definalty things seem darkest before dawn..sleep can be a great comfort and things are never as bad as in the early hours as they are in daylight.xx

Scully38

shellyruby wrote: »

scully that was a really nice comforting post..most definalty things seem darkest before dawn..sleep can be a great comfort and things are never as black as in the early hours as they are in daylight.:T

Thanks, I know exactly how hard the night time hours are. Many a time when i've been sleep deprived i've spent the early hours worrying about how to pay the overdraft and to pay my many overdue bills and worrying when they will cut off my electric. It's in those dark hours that you tend to worry more, and when you know you can't talk to anyone, somehow it makes everything seem more desperate. The more you think about it, the more stressed and worried you become, and losing sleep just makes everything feel worse because all your coping mechanisms from the day seem to disappear when you're alone at night and people aren't there to talk to, when all you desperately need is someone to talk to and to tell you that it will be ok, you're not alone, but just take one thing at a time. Things do work out, i've written to all my creditors and tell them that all I can afford at the moment is £1 a month until I get back on my feet. And I just have to have hope and faith that things will get better shortly, they sure as hell can't get any worse. I've stocked up on candles incase they cut off my electric :rotfl: And i've lots of books so...

I just keep reminding myself that it will get better and killing myself will only cause upset and hurt to my auntie and a couple of cousins and who would look after my cat? They're the things to hold on to, that's what I remind myself every nite. I just the government would do something for the genuine people who need help.

SimIsOnTheUp

Scully38 wrote: »

Thanks, I know exactly how hard the night time hours are. Many a time when i've been sleep deprived i've spent the early hours worrying about how to pay the overdraft and to pay my many overdue bills and worrying when they will cut off my electric. It's in those dark hours that you tend to worry more, and when you know you can't talk to anyone, somehow it makes everything seem more desperate. The more you think about it, the more stressed and worried you become, and losing sleep just makes everything feel worse because all your coping mechanisms from the day seem to disappear when you're alone at night and people aren't there to talk to, when all you desperately need is someone to talk to and to tell you that it will be ok, you're not alone, but just take one thing at a time. Things do work out, i've written to all my creditors and tell them that all I can afford at the moment is £1 a month until I get back on my feet. And I just have to have hope and faith that things will get better shortly, they sure as hell can't get any worse. I've stocked up on candles incase they cut off my electric :rotfl: And i've lots of books so...

I just keep reminding myself that it will get better and killing myself will only cause upset and hurt to my auntie and a couple of cousins and who would look after my cat? They're the things to hold on to, that's what I remind myself every nite. I just the government would do something for the genuine people who need help.

Thinking of you Sue, Scully, ShellyRuby and co.

Great attitude there Scully. Love it.

Things do get better, if we take things One Day At A Time

Night night, sleep tight everyone.

Sim x

belfastgirl23

Have you had any proper support in getting over your experiences with your ex? A lot of your feelings could also nearly be post traumatic stress as well. Women's Aid are a fantastic organisation who don't just help you get out of the situation but also offer courses to help you come to terms with what you've experienced. They might also be able to support you with some of your other issues. I'd really urge you to contact them.

And good luck at the carboot. Doing something positive will make you feel much better.