Just feel like i want to end it all

sotonsue

I'm sat here and i honestly just don't feel like i can go on anymore.

I left my violent husband (with the help of the police) after 12 years of abuse.Ever since i left him i have struggled, i'm on my own just me and my 2 sons 16 and 18, i have no family at all just me (what little family i have are uo north).My 16 year old has gone off the rails and has just been arrested AGAIN tonight.I am sat here while he's off to the policestation in the back of a van.I have made a point of not going and told police they will have to find an appropriate adult, i hated doing that but just cant sit there again all night in a policestation.

I'm sat here with £10 to my name, my rents due in 2 weeks and i dont have it, my dmp money is due out on monday and i dont have that either...this is due to my car breaking down and i had to pay for it £490 and my dad had a stroke and i had to go up North and spend money on travel etc.

Ive been gathering things together to do a car boot on sunday but to be honest what i have doesn't amount to much and i will need £6 of my £10 for the entrance fee.
I'm very carefull with food etc and have had lots of tips off here its just i never was fortunate to have money put buy for emergencys and they all came at once.

i just dont think i can go on anymore..think i would of been better of staying with my ex and gettin beaten up everynight..just feel like such a complete failure..i have tried i really have,cant remember the last time i smiled...just so worried

SimIsOnTheUp

sotonsue wrote: »

I'm sat here and i honestly just don't feel like i can go on anymore.

I left my violent husband (with the help of the police) after 12 years of abuse.Ever since i left him i have struggled, i'm on my own just me and my 2 sons 16 and 18, i have no family at all just me (what little family i have are uo north).My 16 year old has gone off the rails and has just been arrested AGAIN tonight.I am sat here while he's off to the policestation in the back of a van.I have made a point of not going and told police they will have to find an appropriate adult, i hated doing that but just cant sit there again all night in a policestation.

I'm sat here with £10 to my name, my rents due in 2 weeks and i dont have it, my dmp money is due out on monday and i dont have that either...this is due to my car breaking down and i had to pay for it £490 and my dad had a stroke and i had to go up North and spend money on travel etc.

Ive been gathering things together to do a car boot on sunday but to be honest what i have doesn't amount to much and i will need £6 of my £10 for the entrance fee.
I'm very carefull with food etc and have had lots of tips off here its just i never was fortunate to have money put buy for emergencys and they all came at once.

i just dont think i can go on anymore..think i would of been better of staying with my ex and gettin beaten up everynight..just feel like such a complete failure..i have tried i really have,cant remember the last time i smiled...just so worried

Hi sotonsue,

I'm so sorry to read about the grief you're going through.

No advice to offer.

Just sending you a great big HUG!

Hope things get better for you very soon.

Sim x

ghostmadlittlemiss

There's no way I could read and run.

First of all, get in touch with the Samaritans and talk this over until you feel better. It's what they're there for. Then try to get some sleep. In the morning, have a look at this page on crisis loans from the government. They should be able to give you something to get you back on track again. I know it sounds trite but it's only money, it's not worth dying over. You can get through this. Keep in touch to tell us how you're doing, PM me if you want to. I'm thinking of you.
Kayleigh

sotonsue

Just feel like everythings fallin apart and i dont have the strength to go on anymore....

Mustbeananswer??

sotonsue wrote: »

I'm sat here and i honestly just don't feel like i can go on anymore.

I left my violent husband (with the help of the police) after 12 years of abuse.Ever since i left him i have struggled, i'm on my own just me and my 2 sons 16 and 18, i have no family at all just me (what little family i have are uo north).My 16 year old has gone off the rails and has just been arrested AGAIN tonight.I am sat here while he's off to the policestation in the back of a van.I have made a point of not going and told police they will have to find an appropriate adult, i hated doing that but just cant sit there again all night in a policestation.

I'm sat here with £10 to my name, my rents due in 2 weeks and i dont have it, my dmp money is due out on monday and i dont have that either...this is due to my car breaking down and i had to pay for it £490 and my dad had a stroke and i had to go up North and spend money on travel etc.

Ive been gathering things together to do a car boot on sunday but to be honest what i have doesn't amount to much and i will need £6 of my £10 for the entrance fee.
I'm very carefull with food etc and have had lots of tips off here its just i never was fortunate to have money put buy for emergencys and they all came at once.

i just dont think i can go on anymore..think i would of been better of staying with soun my ex and gettin beaten up everynight..just feel like such a complete failure..i have tried i really have,cant remember the last time i smiled...just so worried

Sue, sounds like depression lv, been there and would love to help you...(also a health professional) ....

ghostmadlittlemiss

sotonsue wrote: »

Just feel like everythings fallin apart and i dont have the strength to go on anymore....

I know. Believe me, I've been through some black times myself and without half as good a reason as you've got. If I hadn't have been so afraid of not managing to end it all and never having the chance to try again, I wouldn't be here now. I suppose that's the story of my life really, fear of failure. But there's a reason God/evolution made women be the ones that give birth. Men couldn't handle the tiniest bit of what we go through (no offence, Sim) and that's why we're the stronger sex in reality. You will get through this, you just have to take it one day at a time. As I said, give the Samaritans a ring, now. Their number is 08457 90 90 90 and if you ask, they can give you the number of a local office at national rate. They're trained in how to deal with the situation you're in, I'm not. Though I'm more than happy to do my best. Give them a ring and then get back in touch with us. I won't be able to sleep until I know you're ok.
Kayleigh

sotonsue

Thankyou,I had a crisis loan and got to pay that back now too...I do work but only part time this is mostly due to the problems i have with my son....wish i could just runaway from everything

jackieb

Sue, hang on in there. Make an emergency appointment to see your GP on Monday to talk over how bad you're feeling.

No-one is ever better off getting beaten every night. No-one deserves that. xx Do you have any friends you can confide in?

sotonsue

not even got a phone to call them and cant use my mobile as theres a bar on it because i didn't have the money to pay it..its only £25 a month but my son got hold of it ( yes silly me left it down stairs) so now i owe £73. Told them i would pay it on monday (cant see that happening)

ska_lover

Sorry to hear this sue.

ghostmadlittlemiss

Is there anything your family can do to help you, even though they're a long way away? I know how that feels, I'm about 200 miles from any of my family and I have been for almost four years now. And it doesn't look like I'll be going back to any of them any time soon.

Tbh, the short, sharp shock of you not going with your son tonight will probably do him some good. Sooner or later, he needs to realise that you're not going to keep helping him if he stays the way he is. I know it's hard to stop yourself from running to him but he needs to grow up. He can't keep putting you through this. Does your elder son work? If so, is he contributing anything towards bills, ect?
Kayleigh