Just feel like i want to end it all

sotonsue

ive been to the doctors and they gave me antidepressants but i cant take them , i react to them and ive tried afew...i have got a friend but were not close anymore, she married someone with money and has new friends , i did try opening up to her but honestly she really didn't want to know.she was more concerned about the tennis lessons shes about to start...if only that was my only concern.do feel let down abit as always was there for her (before she landed on her feet)

ghostmadlittlemiss

I just saw the bit about you not having a phone. In that case, e-mail the Samaritans at jo@samaritans.org and they'll help you via e-mail.
Kayleigh

abbecer

Don't really have advice different to what others have said just wanted to send you a huge hug. I've been on the brink of suicide and was depressed for sometime but with the right treatment you will get through it. Sending all my love. xxx

ghostmadlittlemiss

sotonsue wrote: »

ive been to the doctors and they gave me antidepressants but i cant take them , i react to them and ive tried afew...i have got a friend but were not close anymore, she married someone with money and has new friends , i did try opening up to her but honestly she really didn't want to know.she was more concerned about the tennis lessons shes about to start...if only that was my only concern.do feel let down abit as always was there for her (before she landed on her feet)

Insist on counselling then. They should have in on record that you've reacted to all your anti-depressants so that isn't the route to go down.
Kayleigh

sotonsue

i have only a small family and were not that close ( we were brought up in foster homes) and my dads not well and doesnt have any money..most of my money went on helping him and traveling down to see him.My eldest son is on jobseekers so doesnt get much, he is looking for work .He's a good lad and my 16yr old is wearing him down too so he stays out alot

sotonsue

I had counselling ...i had this to help me get over the years of abuse at the hands of my ex. My brother killed himself 3 years ago ( he jumped off a block of flats ) this was due to the abuse we suffered in the childrens homes...i know the effect that had on me so i know i couldn't go a head with it as i think that would be selfish of me and who would my boys have then, no one !!...its just a feeling of wanting to give in/runaway a feeling of i cant go anymore if that makes sence...feels like i have had hardship and ive suffered from one kind of abuse to another...wish someone up there would give me a break...GET YOURSELF TOGETHER SUE !!

ghostmadlittlemiss

I've had a look on the crisis loans site again and I can't see anything about you not being able to have two loans at once so contacting them again could still be an option. Also, try your local Salvation Army for food parcels, that way you'll only need to borrow money for rent and bills. Maybe try popping over to the Old Style board later on today and give them a list of what's in your cupboards, you'd be amazed how long they can make food last over there. I really hope things look up for you soon. Just remember, there are people out there who care about you, even though they've never met you. You've had replies on here off 6 different people in the small hours when there's usually no one to be found on these boards. You are wanted and things will get better in time. (hugs)
Kayleigh

ghostmadlittlemiss

sotonsue wrote: »

I had counselling ...i had this to help me get over the years of abuse at the hands of my ex. My brother killed himself 3 years ago ( he jumped off a block of flats ) this was due to the abuse we suffered in the childrens homes...i know the effect that had on me so i know i couldn't go a head with it as i think that would be selfish of me and who would my boys have then, no one !!...its just a feeling of wanting to give in/runaway a feeling of i cant go anymore if that makes sence...feels like i have had hardship and ive suffered from one kind of abuse to another...wish someone up there would give me a break...GET YOURSELF TOGETHER SUE !!

Believe me, I know that feeling well. I'd do anything to just take off away from the mess I've landed myself in and never come back. But I know I'll regret it for the rest of my life if I do. You're certainly not alone in feeling that way. You show me a person who's never felt like giving up and I'll show you a liar.
Kayleigh

sotonsue

thanku for your kind words kayleigh
I'm brilliant at making meals out of nothing ( ive had to be:) although nothing to fancy ...ive got tins in the cupboard and bags of pasta which the boys can have and some coffee mate so i can at least have a cuppa and toast.I really dont want another crisis loan as i'm really stuggling as it is without paying another one off and i dont think i could sit in that room again...that really did make me feel like a failure

sotonsue

Just feel so alone..people always comment " your always cheery and have a smile on your face Sue"....its just a mask, as soon as i get through the door i take it off