Just feel like i want to end it all

rdchick

Hi Sue,

Good morning, I hope you feel better today. The guys are right you can't do anything properly when you haven't had a good nights sleep.

I know things seem hard and your 16 yr old needs a kick up the backside for the way he's treating you... My mum would have kicked me out if I was like that so he's extremely lucky to have you.

I think most people on these boards probably have thought about ending it all. I know I have but it's not worth it, don't let them win. You have too much to live for even if it doesn't seem like you do right now but things will get better and you're in a safe place here where no one will think any different of you so open up and we'll help you to make things better.

Definitely get in touch with the people the others have said, they know what they're talking about and should be able to offer you a bit of light at the end of the tunnel.

Thinking of you. Stay strong

sotonsue

Thanku so much for all your kind words, it really has helped me.Scully38 i'm sorry to here your in a mess to i really am , thanku for your kind words
Ive just got up i didn't sleep well, mornings are the worse wish i didn't wake up
I know all my out goings etc as on a DMP already but circumstances changed, my daughter moved out so didn't have here board money any more.My car , my dad and my son took some money out of my purse (hate telling u that)ive been robbibg peter to pay paul for months. My rent is £725 amonth( which is the goin rate in my area) the housing benefit pay £525 so i have got to find the rest.This is correct i went in and got it checked(im also paying abit back for a miss calculation a while back) They paid me awhole month in advance because of the bank holidays this month and i used the money to pay for my car(because i cant get to work without it) then 2 days later i used more of the money to go see my dad who had had a stroke and then buy food and put money on the gas etc etc.I dont go out , i cant remember last time i bought anything new its just bills i hate this ..ive got to ring cccs up 2moro and tell them i cant afford my payments everymonth and tell them circumstances have changed..maybe they would except a small payment tommorow i have some tax credits goin into my account ??

My sons still locked up, ive been to phone box and rang policestation , said they will get someone to call me back

I envy people who have familys to vist at weekends there so lonley

sotonsue

I did go to the housing, i told them i am strugling with the rent i even got a doctor to write a letter.I got a letter back saying i wasn't allowed any more points on medical grounds as i didn't warrent it ?? they have given me 15 points and i need at least 65 to bid on houses.Cant move into a smaller place as i have a 3 bedroom need.I cant talk to my landlord as he's horrible and as no idea i'm on housing benefit, i lied to get this house and used credit cards etc to pay for it at 1st when i left my ex..this is mostly the reason i'm in debt i left with nothing and had to use credit cards to live and to buy things..i bought my car, furnished the house etc and used them to pay the rent untill my benefits were sorted out...

sotonsue

I ment to say...i get a BIG £20 a month off my ex, this is done through the agencys .says he doesn't work but knowing him he'll be working for cash and not declaring !!

NeverAgain_2

Sue,

You are depressed and miserable - anyone in your position should be.

But try to stop worrying about what you don't have and concentrate on what you do.

Which isn't a lot, but it is something.

For example, there are lots of childless women and couples who would love to have three children, yes, even if one was locked up.

At least the police are feeding him so you don't have to.

I think you were right to leave him to it.

Only he can decide to turn away from offending.

Many young lads in his position do eventually realise what losers they are.

Another thing you have is work, most unemployed people would like a job.

shellyruby

Scully38 wrote: »

Thanks, I know exactly how hard the night time hours are. Many a time when i've been sleep deprived i've spent the early hours worrying about how to pay the overdraft and to pay my many overdue bills and worrying when they will cut off my electric. It's in those dark hours that you tend to worry more, and when you know you can't talk to anyone, somehow it makes everything seem more desperate. The more you think about it, the more stressed and worried you become, and losing sleep just makes everything feel worse because all your coping mechanisms from the day seem to disappear when you're alone at night and people aren't there to talk to, when all you desperately need is someone to talk to and to tell you that it will be ok, you're not alone, but just take one thing at a time. Things do work out, i've written to all my creditors and tell them that all I can afford at the moment is £1 a month until I get back on my feet. And I just have to have hope and faith that things will get better shortly, they sure as hell can't get any worse. I've stocked up on candles incase they cut off my electric :rotfl: And i've lots of books so...

I just keep reminding myself that it will get better and killing myself will only cause upset and hurt to my auntie and a couple of cousins and who would look after my cat? They're the things to hold on to, that's what I remind myself every nite. I just the government would do something for the genuine people who need help.

definalty scully hold on to those thoughts...you are in genuine hardship and your creditors will
at least be recieving something which has to go on the record that you are trying to keep your head above water..you cant do anymore than that..when i spoke to payplan for the first time they were so nice to me that i was crying with relief...they were wonderful.
you will get back on your feet..things will improve..tell yourself its a blip in your life... and you can look back on this trying time and know that you got through it...xx

shellyruby

sotonsue wrote: »

Thanku so much for all your kind words, it really has helped me.Scully38 i'm sorry to here your in a mess to i really am , thanku for your kind words
Ive just got up i didn't sleep well, mornings are the worse wish i didn't wake up
I know all my out goings etc as on a DMP already but circumstances changed, my daughter moved out so didn't have here board money any more.My car , my dad and my son took some money out of my purse (hate telling u that)ive been robbibg peter to pay paul for months. My rent is £725 amonth( which is the goin rate in my area) the housing benefit pay £525 so i have got to find the rest.This is correct i went in and got it checked(im also paying abit back for a miss calculation a while back) They paid me awhole month in advance because of the bank holidays this month and i used the money to pay for my car(because i cant get to work without it) then 2 days later i used more of the money to go see my dad who had had a stroke and then buy food and put money on the gas etc etc.I dont go out , i cant remember last time i bought anything new its just bills i hate this ..ive got to ring cccs up 2moro and tell them i cant afford my payments everymonth and tell them circumstances have changed..maybe they would except a small payment tommorow i have some tax credits goin into my account ??

My sons still locked up, ive been to phone box and rang policestation , said they will get someone to call me back

I envy people who have familys to vist at weekends there so lonley

are your debts huge sue...is it worth you going bankrupt and starting again with a new slate...or even presenting yourself to the council and declaring yourself homeless...hopefully this wont be the case and you can get yourself back on your feet in the property you are in..im not sure how it works with the dmp if you cant pay it..i know i missed a month through genuine hardship and it was just my biggest creditor that ranted..you cant get blood out of a stone...xx

sotonsue

if i intentionaly make myself homeless then i won't get anything,all i can do is when my eldest son leaves home is go back and say i need a 2 bedroom flat and hopefully then i will get more points but doesn't look like my sons going anywhere at the moment and dont want to force him leave.ive got to ring cccs 2moro and talk them my debts are around £15,000 been paying them off for nearly 3 yrs .i like to keep paying them off but i will need monthly payments reducing and i'm not sure they will be happy with that as it will add years to my plan

shellyruby

sotonsue wrote: »

if i intentionaly make myself homeless then i won't get anything,all i can do is when my eldest son leaves home is go back and say i need a 2 bedroom flat and hopefully then i will get more points but doesn't look like my sons going anywhere at the moment and dont want to force him leave.ive got to ring cccs 2moro and talk them my debts are around £15,000 been paying them off for nearly 3 yrs .i like to keep paying them off but i will need monthly payments reducing and i'm not sure they will be happy with that as it will add years to my plan

if it adds years to your plan then surely they will have to accept that..my dmp plan worked out to be over 9 years..thank god ive paid 6 years and light at the end of the tunnel.
as long as they are getting something..they ll ask for to do a incomings and outgoing..unfortunatly like you say it dosent cover for emergencys..i know you dont want to sit down there and get a crisis loan..your not a failure..its not of your own doing..circumstances have forced you into these problems..

what about your bank..when i was having a hard time a few months ago with back council tax...i rang my bank and told them i was in genuine need and explained all...i first decided to call them as id been charged a fee for non payment of a dd and they put in a temporary overdraft for me to pay the council tax and are reducing it by x amount each month...was quite suprised they were so helpfull..

Scully38

sotonsue wrote: »

Thanku so much for all your kind words, it really has helped me.Scully38 i'm sorry to here your in a mess to i really am , thanku for your kind words
Ive just got up i didn't sleep well, mornings are the worse wish i didn't wake up
I know all my out goings etc as on a DMP already but circumstances changed, my daughter moved out so didn't have here board money any more.My car , my dad and my son took some money out of my purse (hate telling u that)ive been robbibg peter to pay paul for months. My rent is £725 amonth( which is the goin rate in my area) the housing benefit pay £525 so i have got to find the rest.This is correct i went in and got it checked(im also paying abit back for a miss calculation a while back) They paid me awhole month in advance because of the bank holidays this month and i used the money to pay for my car(because i cant get to work without it) then 2 days later i used more of the money to go see my dad who had had a stroke and then buy food and put money on the gas etc etc.I dont go out , i cant remember last time i bought anything new its just bills i hate this ..ive got to ring cccs up 2moro and tell them i cant afford my payments everymonth and tell them circumstances have changed..maybe they would except a small payment tommorow i have some tax credits goin into my account ??

My sons still locked up, ive been to phone box and rang policestation , said they will get someone to call me back

I envy people who have familys to vist at weekends there so lonley

Morning Sue glad you got a little sleep, little is better than nothing. I was thinking about you last nite. *hugs* I read you have a DMP already, but from what you're saying things have changed again, so you need a new Debt Management Plan. What I thought of this morning is, you need to open a new bank account, but a basic one without a chequing account or credit card. You just want one where you can put in your incoming money. With a new account money you're receiving won't get swallowed up by all your debts. This will help you gain control of your finances and the incoming won't get swallowed up by all your outgoings.

Your new bank account should be set up immediately so after you've been to the docs tomorrow set up a new bank account. The bank will ask if you have an account elsewhere, all you need to say to them when they ask you why you're opening a new one is that you're not happy with your old one. They will ask if you want all your direct debits transfered over by them. Say no, that you want to do it yourself. This way you maintain control and you're not transfering over bad non priority debts. What you'll need to do is then contact the DSS and other incomings transfered to your new account *the bank will give you your new number the and there).

Once all your incomings have been transfered over, then contact each of the priority debts and explain what has happened and set up a minimum payment with them.

Your priority debts are as follows:

Mortgage/Rent - The consequence is you could lose your home if this isn't paid. If you can, move into smaller accommodation for the time being, if you've got a three bed move into a two bed. Remember it will only be temporary as you will get back on your feet shortly.

Any secured loan against your home - The consequence is you could lose your home, you're renting so this shouldn't apply to you.

Council Tax - Consequence is a visit from the bailiffs. You might be entitles to a reduction as you're single with children under 18 still living at home, or you may be entitled to claim council tax benefit being on low income. You should be able to get at least 25% off the council tax bill each month at the very least.

TV Licence - Consequence is a fine or imprisonment. Remember with this you can set up weekly, monthly payments. If you have Sky cancel it and get a Freeview box or reduce it to the barest minimum, usually £9.99 or thereabouts.

Magistrates court Fines - Consequence is a visit from the bailiffs or imprisonment.

Tax/V.A.T/N.I - Consequence is a visit from bailiffs or imprisonment or attachment order to your earnings

Gas/Electric/Fuel - Disconnection. Look on those comparison sites to see if you ca get a better rate. If you're on the cheapest rate, contact each of them and ask to pay the minimum payment which is usually about £10-25 per month until you get back on your feet. Turn off non essentials, don't leave lights on or things on stand by.

Hire Purchase - Consequence is losing your goods.

Telephone - Consequence is Disconnection. Again call them and see if you can pay the minimum for say the next six months. Look at comparison sites to see if you can get things cheaper on a package deal. If you have a contract phone contact them and cancel it, switch to pay as you go mobiles.

House Insurance - Consequence is losing everything, particularly if you're a home owner. Again contact them and ask to pay the minimum.

Everything else is called Non Priority Debts, they're the ones where you need to write to all of the ask them to stop putting interest charges on the bills and tell them in writing that you can only afford £1 per month for the next 6 months. These include your Credit cards, your overdrafts, your mobile phones any store cards.

If you are within walking distance of work, walk to work, or get a weekly saver for the bus or train. I can't afford my car, not with insurance, tax, M.o.T, petrol. If you can walk to shops, do so, or arrange for the shopping to be sent to you if you normally drive there. Just remember to set yourself a budget.

Buying Food - Instead of buying all brand named foods switch to non brand names they're usually cheaper. Look for foods that fill you up such as pasta. Don't buy junk food, take-aways's these are luxuries you can't afford.

Car Boots are a great way of generating cash, get rid of old jewelery if you can, any DVD's, X-box/ Wii games that kids don't use anymore.

Also save money by not paying for hairdressers, cigs, papers, meals at works, sports, hobbies etc.. Just remember this is only temporary and you only have to live like a monk for a short period of time. It's not forever, it's just for a few months until you get back on your feet. And you will. *hugs*

Explain to your kids what's happening, they will probably know. Contact Social Services ask for their advice on your son and how to proceed as him causing all these problems isn't helping. Get counselling, get support from Women's groups, Domestic Violence organisations. Again your doctor can help you.

But you can do this, you can gain control. You will get through this. I'm lucky, my situation is temporary as i've sold my house to go into smaller accommodation, so for me there is light at the end of the tunnel within a few months. And I keep reminding myself that i'll at least by a size six by the time this is all finished... and I started off as a size 20 :P So that's a plus point LOL, At a size 14 now, so will be extremely skinny come the end of this. Only draw back can't buy new clothes, thank goodness for belts. :rotfl: