Just feel like i want to end it all

summerstreetallotments

Dear Sotonsue,
I'm from a similar background to you as I was abused in childrens homes as a child...it's hard to get over....please look up Victims Support on here and give them a call they have counsellors who can help you with this.

re. the Domestic Violence...google Womens Aid and talk to someone there they have access to grants etc. for survivors of Domestic Abuse and may be able to help you...both these agencies will ring you back to save on your phone...

Also, contact Social Services they have crisis loan funds and can also refer you to a food bank where you can get free food...dont feel bad about this they will not judge you (your local vicar will have access to this too...not sure about other religions...I think they'll offer the same help - you do not have to be a Christian)...

Not sure where you live but it's likely that there's a Domestic Violence group - maybe a helpline locally ...police or social services will give you the number or contact them on your behalf...they have money set aside for people in crisis such as yourself..

Also...when you feel better ask if you are eligible for an award from the criminal injuries compensation fund...you never know...

I am a Domestic Violence worker so would be happy to help you personally...however I'm not sure that it's allowed on here..just remeber most people out there are on your side and will do whatever they can to help you...please let us know through here how your getting on x

dancingfairy

Glad your carboot went well - that's an amazing amount of money. Just make sure you keep that phone hidden from him as well - or can you put a password on it to stop him using it?
Your daughter and other son sound lovely -it's a shame the other one is going completely off the rails.
Hope today is a good one.
df

Scully38

sotonsue wrote: »

Thanku so much for your kind messages, you really don't know what it means to me.In away you all have been like samaritans to me.
GUESS WHAT !!...I made £80 on the carboot today!! (74 once i took my entrance fee off) the stuff i sold was what kind people had given me and a few bits of my own AND GUESS WHAT AGAIN ..I was on the way home and popped into the shop to check my lottery ticket and i had won £10 !! so £84 has gone into my secret purse ( the one my son doesn't know i have ..1st thing he asked me when i got home was "how much did i make" i said " i made nothing !!

i have took on board what u have said about the sim card and your right so i will get on to that 2moro

My main concern is my rent money,after growing up in care and being homeless as a teenager my biggest fear is always being homeless again.I will buy some basic's about £10 worth and keep rest of money in my secret purse to go towards the rent, just another £649 to find.i have got some tax credits going into my account this week and next so after i have took some out for abit more food, top up my gas and electric(i'm on a meter, landlord won't let me take it out)and some petrol to get to and from work i will put what little i have left in my secret purse too.
Tommorow i have got to ring CCS and tell them about my situatation and tell them i can only make a reduced payment to creditors this week and will need to reduce my monthy payments too ( i forgot this will have to come out of tommorows tax credits so will have less than i thought )

i had a warrant issued for my arrest last week an officer came to my house when i wasn't in ( thank god ) this is for non payment of fines MY SONS FINES !! which i have to pay because he's a minor.I have 3 lots of fines that have mounted up now.There gonna do payment plan but i must make a little payment this week...i am stopping my sons £5 aweek pocket money to pay for this, ive told him and he didn't like it but TOUGH i didn't like a warrant being issused for my arrest.Catch 22 though he'll look for other ways to get money ( but thats nowt new)

I dont own anything worth while for him to take now so he won't find anything here to sell and i'll keep extra eye on my purse (esecially my secret red one)

When i was at the carboot today my daughter came to see me with her boyfriend and bought me a burger and a cuppa tea, it really cheered me up shes lovely too (won't come here because of my son) she has scoliosis and hip troubles but she never moans and works full time as a carerer.She never ever thought she would have a boyfriend because of her medical issues but out of the blue she met one and he's lovely , i am so happy for her ,she lives in a bedsit with her boyfriend and there stuggling but there happy !! she too suffered abuse at the hands of my ex he put her in hospital when she tried to help me one night.She isn't his i had her when i met him and he never took to her.

I'm sat here alone (hate sundays)there just the lonliest of days but feel better for getting out today (didn't like gettin up at 6.30 though) it was good to talk to people and it broke my day up AND I MADE MONEY !!..think i should make this a regular think , even if i dont make anything some weeks it would be good for me, give me something to do

OOPS...ive wrote abit of a novel here havn't i ..feels good though feels like ive got someone listening to me and gets things off my chest...didn't know there was so many kind and caring people out there THANKU XXXX

That's absolutely brilliant, i'm so pleased you made some extra money to help you through. You should feel really proud of yourself for doing this. It's not easy getting out of a slump, but you've done the hard part in getting out of the house for a little while and made some money. Congrats. Sorry to hear about the arrest warrants, you should tell your son to get a part time job and refuse to give him any money until all debts are paid. I'd also reafirm to him that you're not a doormat and won't be treated like one in your own home, and that he either ships up or ships out. Sometimes you have to do it the hard way to break through, a lot of people enable their children's criminal habits by not saying or doing anything, but you're a strong person and I really think you'll put your foot down, and let him know that if he wants to keep living under your roof then he'll have to find a job even if it's only voluntary work. Keep it up though you're doing great! xx

rdchick

Sue! You're doing so so well!! Well done!! Definitely agree with the others when they say you should tell your son that he sorts it out or he gets out, you don't deserve that - your own kid or not. He'll soon learn plus if he wants to do adult things like being in trouble with the police, drugs etc he needs to start acting like one!

Anyway! Keep up the great work it's awesome when the ball starts to roll in the right direction isn't it?!

Love and hugs
xxx

RAS

sotonsue wrote: »

Don't worry Dawn it is well hidden !!

Please open a new basic bank account; there is no credit check, and put your money in there. That way your son cannot find it.

And take advice on the possibility of going back to court to reduce the amount you have to pay back each month on the fines.

sotonsue

Hello everyone and once again THANKU for alll your comments

I phoned cccs today and did a reveiw of my DMP ( i was dreading it ) we went through all my incomings and out goings and i got my payment down from £125 amonth to £50 amonth, she said it will go over the number of years they usaully expect the debt to be payed back but they excepted it so thats good , i had to pay £50 today over the phone so i didn't miss this months payment .just hope creditors don't kick up a fuss about the reduced payments !!

Summerstreetallotments..thanku for your advice...I left my husband 4 yrs ago so think its abit late now to go to womens aid etc for help
.My ex was horrible and he was a very controling person,i look back now and just cant believe i stuck it that long i lost all my confidence, i was a shadow of myself. i just got use to that way of life it became normal.wasn't allowed friends, kept my head down when we went out incase he thought i was looking at a man,my phone was constantly checked.He'd get drunk at the pub and i would have to go and get him and he'd spit at me and punch me while i was driving the car and when i got home he'd start again.my wake up call was when he attacked my daughter one night when she came in the bedroom to help me .She ended up in hospital ( we still didn't tell the police what had happened we were to scared) .The next day when he was at work i sneaked back to the house gathered the kids together and as much stuff as we could carry and left in a taxi ( he had hidden my car keys) the only thing i had was credit cards and i used these to pay for b&b and then i found a house and payed months of rent up front and bought a car and furniture etc( This is where my debts came from). I got kids in new schools and told the headmaster they must not give old schools information about our where abouts. we lived like this in hiding and living on credit cards for 5 months THEN he found us, he had hired a private detective .To cut along story short he was waiting outside my house one night when i got home, we were petrefied my son rang police, they came arrested him ( then let him out ) then he came after us again and got me beat me up and then the police arrested him again..he was taken to court( i didn't have to attend) and told he wasn't allowed in hampshire EVER !! and had to go on anger management course.i was given attack alarms and a number to ring police direct if he came round.He never did , he lives up North now with a 23 year old slovacian girl...recently he has started to make contact with the boys but they don't want to know

Alot of the problems i have with my son i know stem from all the violence he saw and this is why i put up with so much i feel guilty for putting up with it for so long and even more guilty because if i had left sooner my daughter wouldn't of ended up in hospital

sotonsue

12 years i sufferd abuse at the hands of that monster 12 years of my life !!..if i had know how much help was out there i'm sure i would of had the courage to go sooner.I urge any woman who is suffering TO GET OUT AND GET HELP !! life isn't a bed of roses for me as you know by what i have written but I'M FREE !!!

sotonsue

my son went in and did his gcse English exam this mornin and has been on the sofa ever since ...poor thing must be exhausted after having a WHOLE 2 hours in school !!

miggy

Hi Sue,
I just wanted to say you are brilliant for getting through everything you have had to endure and I so hope things turn around soon for you.
One of my kids took the same exam as your son this morning (I had to laugh at your comment). I'm glad yours got in there and sat the paper because even though he's going through rebellion now, a GCSE in English is going to help him in the future.
Oh, and that was a fantastic result from the car boot! Good for you!

jackieb

Sue, i'm pleased you've got your payments down. That should be a big help.

And Sue, every mother feels guilty over something or other. xx Have you ever had family counselling? It might help if your son got everything out.