Husband gone, what now?

CH27

TooSad wrote: »

Another week has gone by since I last posted, I am having such a rotten day today I am typing this through my tears.

I've had a reasonable week, apart from my car dying, my sister has got married and her happiness and the happiness of people around me at the wedding has plunged me into a dark sad place again, and I am so mad at myself for letting it happen.

My OH didn't come to the wedding, despite still being included into family events etc, he regretfully declined the invite, which I kind of understand, but this left such a huge hole by my side.
I looked at all the couples at the wedding and how happy they all were and this made me jealous and made me feel even sadder about the situation I am in. I want the happiness, I want the support, I want the companionship - but I have nothing, I feel like my life is over and I am only 33!

I so desperately want him home with me, to work on the relationship to work on us, I know I cant make him, but he is the love of my life and I don't want to consider life without him.

I am so mad at myself for doing so well the last few weeks and now I feel like I am back in a dark hole and don't want to come out. I am stuck in this flaming house, our marital home, on my own, cant go anywhere as I don't get my car back until tomorrow and nobody I feel I can ring or speak to.

I want to know what I have done to deserve to be dealt such a rubbish hand, I am kind, generous, considerate and would do anything for anyone but that appears not to be good enough.

I just want my husband back

TooSad x

I know it sounds twee but you are on a journey at the moment & there will be bumps in the road.
Try to focus on how far you have come & how strong you have been.

TooSad

CH27 wrote: »

I know it sounds twee but you are on a journey at the moment & there will be bumps in the road.
Try to focus on how far you have come & how strong you have been.

I guess so, I suppose because I have had such a high the last few days today I just feel so low and lonely.

And weddings are such happy occasions, it has left me thinking about my own marriage, where it has gone wrong, what we can do to make it right. It has just brought it all back to the forefront of my mind.

Ah, time for a bath, then sleeping in my own bed, im sure things will seem better in the morning.

TooSad xxx

k0nstantine

I've been through something similar to this myself, although i was lucky enough not to be married to him.
I was with a guy who i honestly thought was my soul mate and whom i loved to bits. We had some amazingly good times/experiences and he claimed to love me and always told me that i meant more to him than anything else in the world, yet when i really needed him he wasn't there.
I've suffer on and off from depression/anxiety since i was in my early teens, and had a slight bad patch when we were together, and on telling him about it, his attitude towards me totally changed. He became distant, judgmental and even told me at one point that if i didn't get better he'd leave me, which all in all, made me feel a lot worse.
We stayed together for a while afterwards as i couldn't bare the thought of not being with him, and was scared of what the future held.
I saw a doctor etc and tried to get out of my depression to save our relationship, but then one day I realized that it didn't matter how much i loved someone if they couldn't be there for me and accept me for who i am, so actually decided to end it all.
It wasn't easy, but to me it felt like the right thing to do. I didn't need the pressure of being with him, and feeling like i wasn't good enough just because i was ill. I didn't want to wake up every morning worrying if he was going to leave me because i wasn't making enough progress, or i wasn't in a happy go lucky mood, or that things weren't the way he wanted them to be.
It's been a year now since I left him, and I've actually met someone who accepts me for who i am, depression/anxiety included, and in all honestly it's great. I can be myself, and not have to worry about if i get ill, as i now have a partner who can accept that and help support me, rather than giving me ultimatums.

I'm not saying to do what i did, as everyone's different. But ask yourself, do you really want to be with someone who can so easily walk away from you just because of an illness? Do you want to constantly worry about the future, and what would happen if you got ill again, or both of you faced a tough situation?
Don't be afraid to do what's best for you, or to look to the future and other options that don't include your husband. I know it's scary, but the future always has the possibility of something better.

CFC

TooSad wrote: »

Another week has gone by since I last posted, I am having such a rotten day today I am typing this through my tears.

I've had a reasonable week, apart from my car dying, my sister has got married and her happiness and the happiness of people around me at the wedding has plunged me into a dark sad place again, and I am so mad at myself for letting it happen.

My OH didn't come to the wedding, despite still being included into family events etc, he regretfully declined the invite, which I kind of understand, but this left such a huge hole by my side.
I looked at all the couples at the wedding and how happy they all were and this made me jealous and made me feel even sadder about the situation I am in. I want the happiness, I want the support, I want the companionship - but I have nothing, I feel like my life is over and I am only 33!

I so desperately want him home with me, to work on the relationship to work on us, I know I cant make him, but he is the love of my life and I don't want to consider life without him.

I am so mad at myself for doing so well the last few weeks and now I feel like I am back in a dark hole and don't want to come out. I am stuck in this flaming house, our marital home, on my own, cant go anywhere as I don't get my car back until tomorrow and nobody I feel I can ring or speak to.

I want to know what I have done to deserve to be dealt such a rubbish hand, I am kind, generous, considerate and would do anything for anyone but that appears not to be good enough.

I just want my husband back

TooSad x

I do feel for you, I so feel for you.
Please remember that at 33 life is far from over for you although you may feel like it. If he doesn't shape up you need to ship him out to allow yourself time to heal and then meet someone else...you may not believe me but even if you lose the love of your life, other loves can come and they too can be fulfilling. I know this.

TooSad

Thanks for the replies. Meeting someone else is the last thing I want right now. I know what your saying, but whilst ever I have a breath in my body, I will fight tooth and nail for my marriage.
I spoke to him last night told him I wanted him home he just said "hmmm" not a no but not a yes either.

I feel better today than I did last night, so that's a positive! Xx

londoner1998

TooSad wrote: »

Another week has gone by since I last posted, I am having such a rotten day today I am typing this through my tears.

I've had a reasonable week, apart from my car dying, my sister has got married and her happiness and the happiness of people around me at the wedding has plunged me into a dark sad place again, and I am so mad at myself for letting it happen.

My OH didn't come to the wedding, despite still being included into family events etc, he regretfully declined the invite, which I kind of understand, but this left such a huge hole by my side.
I looked at all the couples at the wedding and how happy they all were and this made me jealous and made me feel even sadder about the situation I am in. I want the happiness, I want the support, I want the companionship - but I have nothing, I feel like my life is over and I am only 33!

I so desperately want him home with me, to work on the relationship to work on us, I know I cant make him, but he is the love of my life and I don't want to consider life without him.

I am so mad at myself for doing so well the last few weeks and now I feel like I am back in a dark hole and don't want to come out. I am stuck in this flaming house, our marital home, on my own, cant go anywhere as I don't get my car back until tomorrow and nobody I feel I can ring or speak to.

I want to know what I have done to deserve to be dealt such a rubbish hand, I am kind, generous, considerate and would do anything for anyone but that appears not to be good enough.

I just want my husband back

TooSad x

Hey

please don't feel bad for feeling bad, ... you are probably tired from all the excitement and all the progress you have made in the last few weeks. Just allow yourself to feel sad for a bit. Then, tomorrow, it will be another day and you will be in a different place again. And that doesn't mean you are not doing great, it just means you probably are a bit tired and need to slow down a bit. You clearly want to fight for your marriage, and I salute you for it. Just remember you don't have to be in top shape all the time, it is normal to have a little bump here and there.
Also, you feel you have nothing, but that is just a feeling... not necessary a reality (and I know, you feel it so it is real for you. But it doesn't have to be that way). You are an incredible resourceful woman so you have everything you need to have a happy life.

Give yourself and your OH time...you won't regret that.
Keep going, we are all rooting for you...

TooSad

Thank you londoner1998, your post made me cry and not because I'm feeling down in the dumps; because its so nice.

I hope all the rooting does come to a positive end eventually, everyone is rooting for us, friends, family, cyber friends.

It's just so hard :-(

TooSad x

princessdreamer

everyone apart from your husband, please wake up

TooSad

Princessdreamer - whilst I appreciate you taking the time to comment, please understand that although you have been through similar, we have been through so much these last few years that things have been tough. If for one second I thought he was waiting for someone else to come along or indeed that he had been seeing someone else he would be long gone. I may have been ill and I may not have been a strong person, but I am not the same person as the one who posted back in May. I am stronger, more resilient and far happier than I was back then - in myself as a person, not because he isn't here.
I do want my relationship to work out, people may think I'm stupid or may think it's not what they would do, and that's fine. I haven't given 9 years to someone to give up without a fight, yes he walked out on
me and I can either resent him for it or forgive him, I'm somewhere between the two at the moment.

I know people have to agree to disagree and this is one of those times, but again thank you for taking the time to reply.

TooSad x

princessdreamer

I apreciate your honesty but reading your posts is heartbreaking at times, you seem to be trying so hard and getting little in return. Your life is yours to live just make it the best you can.