Husband gone, what now?

TooSad

Im having one of those days today, my car is broken and can't be fixed until next week so I can't really go anywhere apart from on the bus which is fine but its such a faff (I live in a little village) anyway im stuck in the house, so have had time to think.

I've been thinking about what to do next. And do you know what I don't really know, it seems almost clinical having a plan, and some people have said I should be making plans as to what to do/say next to OH, others say just go with the flow.
I kind of feel torn between both these suggestions.

Maybe what I need to do is actually do something so I am not sat thinking about what to do next.

We have been out this morning for coffee which was nice, although he is being really really nice and lovely I think I am hoping for too much too soon from him.

Who decided that relationships are supposed to be this complicated?? I guess if you have something you know is worth fighting for you will always give it 100%

Right, time to find things to do.

TooSad xx

CH27

I think you need to decide what you will not tolerate & then work from there.

TooSad

CH27 wrote: »

I think you need to decide what you will not tolerate & then work from there.

I know your right. When we went for coffee today he said something which !!!!!! me off, he squeezed my neck and said sorry,
which before I would have taken, but I told him why I was annoyed with what he had said. I left him waiting for coffees and went and sat down, and he came and apologised yet again.

I guess that's the sort of thing I need to be deciding upon.

I soooo want to say to him I want him to move back, but I am
(1) scared of being rejected and
(2) he can't come back until he/we have talked about things and have come to some agreements on how to move on from where we are at.

I have reassessed my life and know the things that I still want to change, but those changes are ones that can only happen when he is back IYSWIM, as they won't have any impact on me on my lonesome.

I feel in some respects that this is a new start and I really do feel happier than I have done in years.

I feel like I am ready to move on from grieving for my mum, I guess I am in the acceptance phase. I can talk about her at length without being upset and think about the good times we had. For a long long time I couldn't remember things and I was terrified that I would forget her, forget her face, her smell her everything, and I tortured myself forcing myself to think about her and remember, but the more I did it the worse I think I became.

TooSad xxxx

Mrs.W_2

Good evening, TooSad. Having read through your thread - sorry, there's nothing I can offer on the constructive side - I am full of admiration for your strength. Particularly that you achieved so much without the prescription meds!

TooSad

Mrs.W wrote: »

Good evening, TooSad. Having read through your thread - sorry, there's nothing I can offer on the constructive side - I am full of admiration for your strength. Particularly that you achieved so much without the prescription meds!

Thank you Mrs W, that I think is my greatest achievement these last few months, knowing somewhere deep within me I had the strength to be well on my own.

I think my mum would have been so so proud of me xx

kelpie35

I think my mum would have been so so proud of me

As a mother I can honestly say she would be very proud of you.

You have achieved so much in a short space of time.

Keep focused and do what is right for YOU

CH27

TooSad wrote: »

Thank you Mrs W, that I think is my greatest achievement these last few months, knowing somewhere deep within me I had the strength to be well on my own.

I think my mum would have been so so proud of me xx

Without a doubt.

TooSad

Thanks kelpie35 and CH27. When I am having a sad/down moment I am going to think of how far I have come, and what my mum would be saying to me.

TooSad xxx

TooSad

Another week has gone by since I last posted, I am having such a rotten day today I am typing this through my tears.

I've had a reasonable week, apart from my car dying, my sister has got married and her happiness and the happiness of people around me at the wedding has plunged me into a dark sad place again, and I am so mad at myself for letting it happen.

My OH didn't come to the wedding, despite still being included into family events etc, he regretfully declined the invite, which I kind of understand, but this left such a huge hole by my side.
I looked at all the couples at the wedding and how happy they all were and this made me jealous and made me feel even sadder about the situation I am in. I want the happiness, I want the support, I want the companionship - but I have nothing, I feel like my life is over and I am only 33!

I so desperately want him home with me, to work on the relationship to work on us, I know I cant make him, but he is the love of my life and I don't want to consider life without him.

I am so mad at myself for doing so well the last few weeks and now I feel like I am back in a dark hole and don't want to come out. I am stuck in this flaming house, our marital home, on my own, cant go anywhere as I don't get my car back until tomorrow and nobody I feel I can ring or speak to.

I want to know what I have done to deserve to be dealt such a rubbish hand, I am kind, generous, considerate and would do anything for anyone but that appears not to be good enough.

I just want my husband back

TooSad x

princessdreamer

Been there done that. You are worth so much more, you do not want him back you want someone who cares about you. On an evening and night time you are lonely you miss company. Cut contact and move on, he may come back for now but trust me he is waiting for someone else and then you are on your own again. Better now while you are young than a few more years down the line.