Husband gone, what now?

TooSad

Lara44 wrote: »

Me too :T

TooSad I have just read your thread, and I am so glad to see you're feeling so much better.

My OH also suffered from depression, and while we managed to stay together, it was a very difficult time for both of us. I read this book which is called How to Survive When They're Depressed. It argues that if one partner is depressed, it can actually induce a kind of 'depression' in the other partner, which she calls 'depression fallout'. It may be that your husband was in such a fragile place he wasn't able to cope.

I have done a lot of reading since my diagnosis I will have a read of this one too, thank you for suggesting it. x

CFC

londoner1998 wrote: »

I don't think a woman is more of a woman or a person just by having children.

Nor do I.

But having children is very important to some women, and if it is important to TooSad she needs to bear the biological clock in mind.

TooSad

We have had a genuinely nice evening together, he has fixed what I asked him to, he has complimented me on my cooking and we have had nice quality time together. He has passed some comments which kind of make reference to his feelings such as "you take me for granted", "I didn't think you cared"
Neither of which is true of me now, today, however I can understand how he thinks these things from when I was at my poorliest, I barely gave a damn about myself let alone anyone else, everyday was like going through the motions! I think back and I can barely remember aspects of my life back then, quote sad really.

Anyway nothing is going to spoil my good mood tonight. I'm off to bed busy day tomorrow at school!

Thanks again to all who have posted

TooSad x

Frittered_Away

I have read the whole thread and funnily enough it was the last post that struck a chord with me. I spent most of a year being quite depressed and I can barely remember any of it. I went through the motions not really caring about much. Funny how that happens, I think the mind can be quite good at forgetting pain (I mean, there's gotta be a reason I keep going back for bikini waxes :eek:)

Hope things work out for you xxx

TooSad

Frittered_Away wrote: »

I have read the whole thread and funnily enough it was the last post that struck a chord with me. I spent most of a year being quite depressed and I can barely remember any of it. I went through the motions not really caring about much. Funny how that happens, I think the mind can be quite good at forgetting pain (I mean, there's gotta be a reason I keep going back for bikini waxes :eek:)

Hope things work out for you xxx

Its quite scary too though. Indeed I think the brain has a wonderful means of shutting off painful memories.

I have been writing a diary since my OH left and I have found it quite nice writing about how I have felt and what I have done, I dont go to bed with loads on my mind - which is a bonus!

TS x

TooSad

Well I wasn't expecting what has occured tonight, some of you will think "god is that it" because its only small, but in terms of the problems we have been facing its a big step in my mind

We (me & OH) have been talking tonight about a mutual friend we haven't seen for months, tonight he has been talking to OH, as he has been off work with depression & stress. He has done nothing but talk about himself, moaned at OH that he didn't do enough to help, etc etc. This has left OH feeling very annoyed as he never once asked if we were ok, it was all me me me.

In the process of telling me this OH said "Imagine if he had had some really $*** things happening in his life, I mean nobody has died who he loves, he hasn't had to deal with what happens, imagine how he would be then"

Now I know OH could have been more sympathetic to mutual friend, but the comment about death of loved ones is so so significant as I mentioned in my original post he hardly ever (read that as never)talks about his dad or my mum.

Im not hanging all my hopes on this one comment, but if you were in my shoes you would be happy (wrong word but I cant think of anything else to say) that he has finally mentioned how rubbish he feels about things, albeit not really and in a bit of a mardy about what he deems a selfish friend.

We have decided to go out for the day on Sunday, don't know where but im looking forward to it already.

:T TS x

TooSad

The weekend is here, I've had a good week considering how sad I felt at the start of it. I have had a great chat with my boss today about how I am doing, and he said some great things to me. Some of the things made me cry, not for horrid reasons but because he was so nice to me and was genuinely complimentary about how I have been since I have been back at work. He has always been a huge support to me and has always pushed me to maximise my potential, I kind of thought being off ill would have put me down in his estimations but nothing could have been further from the truth.

So all in all things seem to still be moving in the right direction, of course there will be knock backs along the way, but right now I am feeling great have a positive mental attitude and am happy with life.

TooSad x

flutterby_lil

Have a lovely day on Sunday and well done for being so strong. Talk, talk and talk some more - I know you try but encourage your OH to talk as and when he can x

money_honey

I've just read through this whole thread and I can see how much you've changed since your first posts, you are a definite inspiration. I really, really hope you and your OH can work things out. I know my DH is terrible at sharing his feelings and I have tried so often to get him to talk - I have also never seen him cry (he tells me he hasn't cried since he was a child). Some men just find it hard to express themselves I think.

Anyway I haven't got any advice to add but just to say good luck with everything and you are doing so well, stay strong and work at it xxx

TooSad

money_honey wrote: »

I've just read through this whole thread and I can see how much you've changed since your first posts, you are a definite inspiration. I really, really hope you and your OH can work things out. I know my DH is terrible at sharing his feelings and I have tried so often to get him to talk - I have also never seen him cry (he tells me he hasn't cried since he was a child). Some men just find it hard to express themselves I think.

Anyway I haven't got any advice to add but just to say good luck with everything and you are doing so well, stay strong and work at it xxx

Thank you, it's been tough, and im certain there are tough days to come, but the difference is me. I am so much stronger, I read my first post and I hardly recognise that person.
Onwards & upwards xx