Husband gone, what now?

wantabetterlife

Hi TS, just wrote a post and lost it :mad:
Congrats on the swimming, sorry cant help you with the apps thing...i just have a basic mobile.
Things seem to be going well with you and hubby...do you think he is afraid of coming back to you incase you slip back into your depression..he must realise how much you have changed since he moved out and maybe he is afraid that if he moves back in things will get into a rut again...just a thought as i cant figure out what is going on in his head IYSWIM?

TooSad

wantabetterlife wrote: »

Hi TS, just wrote a post and lost it :mad:
Congrats on the swimming, sorry cant help you with the apps thing...i just have a basic mobile.
Things seem to be going well with you and hubby...do you think he is afraid of coming back to you incase you slip back into your depression..he must realise how much you have changed since he moved out and maybe he is afraid that if he moves back in things will get into a rut again...just a thought as i cant figure out what is going on in his head IYSWIM?

Don't you hate it when that happens :mad: I remember when I wrote out my very first post on this thread, I deleted it - I was sat in tears writing it and then it vanished - I felt like such a loser.

I'm really not sure what he is thinking, I don't think he is scared of me becoming depressed again as he knows how far I have come and how very different I am.
I don't know if he is scared that I have changed so much I don't want or need him anymore. Nothing is further from the truth and I've told him that, but I can tell him that until im blue in the face - doesn't mean he has to listen or understand.

When I talked to him about doing the RT course yesterday after my first study session, he had been doing some hard going study for his course and he said "When are you going to support me" not in a nasty way in a bit of I need you way IYSWIM. I told him what more can I do to support him when he isn't at home, I can support him but not 100% from a distance.

Thinking about it he has said things like this before, when he first left he said "Who's going to support me when im on my own?" Almost like he doesn't believe I am 100% behind him, but I am. Im doing this RT course for me but to support his dreams.

Im not sure whether its a money thing, I don't think it is, yes I earn a lot more than he does, and we do have a joint account for household expenditure but he has never said he finds this a problem. If it was I would have liked to think he would have said something.

He wants to change careers desperately and hence he is doing this home study course. I absolutely love my job, where as he finds his ok. But loves what he wants to change to. I don't know if me financially supporting him (which is doable) while he makes these changes is what he is alluding to, but is scared to say.

Im kind of second guessing and ruling things out, because I simply cannot fathom him out.

TS x

P.S sorry for the waffly answer merely typing whats coming into my head, may not even make sense.

TooSad

Had one of the best nights sleep last night in a very very long time! Feel so refreshed today.

Off to the airport for radio course day 2, glad I slept well 'cos I reckon today is going to boil my brain!

TS x

TooSad

I was right head is completely mashed. Can't even look at my notes to study - need to relax watch crap tv, go swimming then try tonight.

I know OH is impressed that I am doing this 'cos MIL has told me, wish he would tell me himself

TS x

bonnie_bumpkins

Hey NTSAM

I think I remember you saying you have a test tomorrow? Well all the very best of luck!! From what you've said I'm sure you will breeze it. You seem so confident I don't think anything can stop you getting what you want :beer:

Interesting what OH saying about support (I seem to remember he has also thanked you in the past for 'looking after' him or 'being nice' to him - I have a few thoughts but will save for another time (if you want to hear them that is :rotfl:) as I need to get some sleep now as I have an interview first thing tomorrow.

Take care, BBx

TooSad

bonnie_bumpkins wrote: »

Hey NTSAM

I think I remember you saying you have a test tomorrow? Well all the very best of luck!! From what you've said I'm sure you will breeze it. You seem so confident I don't think anything can stop you getting what you want :beer:

Interesting what OH saying about support (I seem to remember he has also thanked you in the past for 'looking after' him or 'being nice' to him - I have a few thoughts but will save for another time (if you want to hear them that is :rotfl:) as I need to get some sleep now as I have an interview first thing tomorrow.

Take care, BBx

Good luck with the interview. :j

I would love to hear your thoughts - always receptive for someone elses point of view.

I am hoping Im going to do the test tomorrow, may move it to Saturday - see how I feel, today baked my head.

Been swimming found myself pootling along receiting the phonetic alphabet in my head...:rotfl::rotfl:

Goodnight
NTSAM (I like that ) x

bonnie_bumpkins

Hey NTSAM

Hope the test went well today if you took it, and if you're doing it tomorrow... good luck

Good news: interview this morning went very well!
Better news: message on landline when I got in to call them back!!
Bad news: I didn't get the job the person after me had more of the particular experience they were looking for.

Hark at me - anyone would think it was my thread :rotfl:

I will write back with my thoughts like we talked about yesterday but I'm feeling a bit deflated and have a headache now so I'm gonna chill for the evening.

I'll be back soon, bright and breezy

BBx

TooSad

bonnie_bumpkins wrote: »

Hey NTSAM

Hope the test went well today if you took it, and if you're doing it tomorrow... good luck

Good news: interview this morning went very well!
Better news: message on landline when I got in to call them back!!
Bad news: I didn't get the job the person after me had more of the particular experience they were looking for.

Hark at me - anyone would think it was my thread :rotfl:

I will write back with my thoughts like we talked about yesterday but I'm feeling a bit deflated and have a headache now so I'm gonna chill for the evening.

I'll be back soon, bright and breezy

BBx

Hi BB

Boo at you not getting the job thats rubbish - their loss!

I have put off the test until Wednesday, I just didn't feel confident which is rubbish because I actually knew my stuff but I just couldn't bite the bullet.

Went to acupuncture and chillaxed so feel fine now. Had a barny with the OH earlier with him being rude to me when I went round to see him, end up with me telling him to "Fork off" and had a real go at him.
I think it took him a bit by surprise because he then rang me and apologised, which I accepted, and then he texted me to tell me he was sorry again. He has since been round here and he has apologised for a third time.

I think that me giving him what for has made him realise im not a push over and has given him a bit of kick up the !!! :T

Crap TV and some wine for me tonight, I think I deserve it :beer:

NTSAM x

TooSad

TooSad wrote: »

Im not sure whether its a money thing, I don't think it is, yes I earn a lot more than he does, and we do have a joint account for household expenditure but he has never said he finds this a problem. If it was I would have liked to think he would have said something.

He wants to change careers desperately and hence he is doing this home study course. I absolutely love my job, where as he finds his ok. But loves what he wants to change to. I don't know if me financially supporting him (which is doable) while he makes these changes is what he is alluding to, but is scared to say

Been out for the day today talked about some things, the more he talked the more I think I'm 99% right reagarding what I wrote earlier in the week.
I have no idea what to do or say to him. how do you (I) approach this without it making it sound like I am saying it put of desperation to get him home. Yes I want him home, but I'm not desperate for it to happen. I want to support him in every way I can. I know it sounds mad 'cos he bailed one when I needed him the most but I am not prepared to bail on him.

I feel quite sad that he couldn't tell me this and I've had to peel back the layers to unearth this myself. But maybe that's a good thing because it has helped me to learn and understand more not just about me but about him too.

NSTSAM x

TooSad

Well I've sat and watched Harry Potter, had a shower and still can't decide what to do. I could put it in a letter - no guarantees he will read it. I can say it out loud, but potentially will get it thrown back in my face.

I feel really sad about it, I think this on top of my depression and the lack of sex due to the depression are the fundamental reasons things have gone wrong.
I've been thinking about when I used to get paid and he would say "how much have we been paid" and I used to laugh it off, but was that his way of trying to tell me things werent good for him ££ wise? !!!!!! why couldn't he just have said it I would have given him my last penny!
Yes he has an expensive hobby which he fully intends to make his career so any savings he had has been eaten up with his own training to better himself and fulfil a dream (his words) I don't sometimes think people understand just how serious he is about it, they think it's a whim or something.

I'm not sad and crying I'm just sad that I've been too poorly and trying to focus one being well I didn't see what was staring me in the face :-( x