Husband gone, what now?

Blade26

Im chuffed that you have said it to him, did he show any reaction at all? Men and their garages, I wish we had one sometimes.....

xx

Choc-addict

Hey you,

Fingers crossed that you can now both take a step foward and I am pleased that OH gave you the chance to say how you are feeling and listened.

How are you feeling?

K xx

TooSad

I'm watching diagnosis murder he is still in the garage. I feel relieved he knows how I feel and more than anything I feel pleased that he has listened to me.

Back later x

TooSad

Right he has gone now. Has said nothing apart from I look too thin and I need to eat more food.
I have given him the letter too so he can re read what I said to him.
I am going to concentrate on doing things for me tonight and try not to whittle over what he is thinking what he thought, etc etc.
Swimming at 6 then revision for tomorrow and the big test!!!

TS x

bonnie_bumpkins

So... the deed is done. Well done you :T As for the going into the garage thing, isn't that supposed to be some sort of male throw-back from the stone age when 'man go into cave to think'? It's his way of stepping back and considering things. It may take a while, so I would expect any immediate response, but from what you say about him listening and not interrupting, criticising or being defensive then I would say this is a very positive :j:j

Relax now - if you can! - you are right to concentrate on yourself now and give him time to digest what you've said/written. You must be so relieved you've got this off your chest and it has gone down OK. I hope you are very proud of what you have achieved

BBx

TooSad

bonnie_bumpkins wrote: »

So... the deed is done. Well done you :T As for the going into the garage thing, isn't that supposed to be some sort of male throw-back from the stone age when 'man go into cave to think'? It's his way of stepping back and considering things. It may take a while, so I would expect any immediate response, but from what you say about him listening and not interrupting, criticising or being defensive then I would say this is a very positive :j:j

Relax now - if you can! - you are right to concentrate on yourself now and give him time to digest what you've said/written. You must be so relieved you've got this off your chest and it has gone down OK. I hope you are very proud of what you have achieved

BBx

In all the books I've read since he went, a lot of them say that men retreat into caves, my acupuncturist (who is also a psychologist - so I get some counselling thrown in too - very MSE) said that men are defo like that. Women want to talk about it, men go and hide and ruminate over what has been said or what they are facing.

There was no defensiveness - Blade26 texted me, and she thinks I have kind of taken him by surprise, and I think that is true. I told him all about how I felt grateful that he had left (in a cockeyed way) as him going made me face up to my problems and deal with them and in a round about way him going has made me stronger.
I told him all about us being happy as individuals but as a couple too was of paramount importance, and that I want to support him both emotionally and financially to achieve his dream.

I told him I had hopes of dreams of my own but most of them involved him being here.

I am off swimming in about half hour then Blade26 is testing me on the RT stuff for my exam tomorrow.

August 16th - the day I became that little bit stronger :T:T

NTSAM
XXX

Choc-addict

toosad wrote: »

august 16th - the day i became that little bit stronger :t:t

ntsam
xxx

You should be very proud of yourself xx

Occams_Razor_2

why does he need counselling for your depression?

doesn't sound like you've been terribly interested in his needs, and he's had enough.

Surely the best thing you can do, is get some help for yourself, rebuild your confidence, and then focus on being a partner he would want to be with. When you've gotten yourself sorted, then you can worry about a relationship and what you can give to it, as well as take from it - emotionally and intimately.

I imagine he's said something similar.

Occams_Razor_2

Toosad, I've just realised this is an old thread - apologies.

but that said, there is some awful advice in this thread from too many people who want to validate themselves and tell you what they would want to hear themselves in similar circumstance.

Occams_Razor_2

princeofpounds wrote: »

Anyway, I think you need to be careful with the 'tough love, do it for the sistas, make him crawl back' approach.

this.

that is what i was referring to. a little too much girl nation, one directional points of view.