Husband gone, what now?

TooSad

No need to apologise.

Yes this thread is over 3 months old, I have read every piece of advice offered some I've resonated with others less so, but I've been grateful for every bit of advice whether I've felt it was useful or not.

I haven't been in any way "tough love" with him, I've conducted myself with dignity and grace, and have concentrated on me getting well and now I feel that we can concentrate on us.

thanks for reading & taking the time to reply

TS x

halight

TooSad wrote: »

I know, I don't know whether he feels like he has backed himself too far into a corner that he has no exit route and is waiting for me to give him one.
He is quite flirtacious of late with me, and enjoys spending time with me, it just seems that there is something that is stopping him coming back to me.
When we drove back on Saturday he was going on about his work and about how everyone who worked there was married there were no single people. I just felt he was trying to say yes we are still married - I dont know maybe I am looking for these things that don't exist maybe I am clutching at straws.
I always think that he isn't thinking about being where he is staying for a long time as he hasnt put any pictures up on the wall, again maybe another clutching at straws moment.......

TS x

Iv been reading your thred now for a few weeks, And i would like to say how well you are doing!!!:T:T You have turned your life around!

I would also like to put my view across as a bloke!

i think he very well may have backed himself into a corner. He now dose not know how,what or if he can doing anything about it. You havce changed, You are no longer the same person you use to be. He could very well love you to the moon and back. But you are now this new person? he may very well feel that he is nolonger good enough to be with you. He may be feeling lost? You have changed but he is still the same, Could this new stronger women still love, and wont me? He may be thinking how will we fit our lives together now everything has changed.

He let you down badly at times when you were together. He may feel very guity about this. Gulit is a very hard thing to get past.

You have done so well for yourself, you are stronger, fitter more at ease with yourslef and your life. All that you have acheved over the last couple of months could have come as a very big shock to him. He may not know how to deal with it all.

Im not sure how you can rebuild your lives with each other after all this.
But i do know that as long as you keep talking and trying everthing will work out for the best. But you both need to do the talking and be open with each other as to what each of you wont out of life. Then if you are both up to givving it a go and putting in the hard work, you need to fit what each of you wont out of life into a life together.

I wish you both the very best that life has to offer.

What every happens, because of the hard work that you have put into yourself LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN FOR YOU! you are now on track to haveing a great life!
Aim for the top!

Good Luck and ill see you! at the TOP!

Occams_Razor_2

TooSad wrote: »

No need to apologise.

Yes this thread is over 3 months old, I have read every piece of advice offered some I've resonated with others less so, but I've been grateful for every bit of advice whether I've felt it was useful or not.

I haven't been in any way "tough love" with him, I've conducted myself with dignity and grace, and have concentrated on me getting well and now I feel that we can concentrate on us.

thanks for reading & taking the time to reply

TS x

I've read everything in this thread, and I have some very different views. which are, like all the others, worth as much as you paid for them

Firstly, you were/are depressed. this has an impact on him, and it impacts on you.

for a large chunk of this time, you clearly want him back to fix you. you feel close, almost there, but need the last piece. this is not the right way to see things.

you were reading a book about how the resonant impacts on the relationship from a depressive condition - read it again. I felt you were on the right path.

Your husband obviously cares for you. however, that does not mean he wants to be with you (nor does it mean he doesn't). He may not be reciprocating in your efforts to talk about it, as he might not have anything he "wants" to say. i.e. he's worried (wrongly) that if he's not about, you'll snap. that you need him, in the peripherary to be strong and repair/rebuild yourself. if he thinks that, he's probably wrong. but it would explain why he doesn't want to talk about the relationship - he might just be there for you. at least in his head. but he may well be enabling the worst parts of your fears, hopes and desires.

you don't sound like you are anywhere near on top of your depression, which is ok, its likely to be a journey, and I don't think you can worry about this or any other relationship until you are ready to be back in one at full strength.

for right or for wrong, you have astutely recognised that he felt he wasn't getting enough out of the relationship in an intimate sense, and probably in other ways too. you can't fixed that by DIY'ing the house. you can't fix that by doing any number of other things that don't relate to the problem, which includes listening to all the backslappers tell you that a turd is a galaxy bar. (sorry) :rotfl:

time will tell, but sometimes the grind of a difficult relationship grinds people down too far. Maybe when you are ready to be the best you that you are and can be, you'll be able to see whether its this relationship or another than really want.

there is a tinged sadness throughout some of your posts, that somehow you are afraid this relationship is the best, the only one you can hope for, and when you get sad this feel is intensified.

if that is in anyway the case you don't need him, he doesn't need that version of you either - you need to focus on getting better, getting whole.

might slightly incongruous but I also think you probably need to stop listening to bozo's like me, and the crutch enabling sister hood on here.

RacyRed

Occam/s_Razor wrote: »

there is a tinged sadness throughout some of your posts, that somehow you are afraid this relationship is the best, the only one you can hope for, and when you get sad this feel is intensified.

Best observation on this thread to date.

TooSad

Thanks for the replies Occam/s Razor, Racy Red & Halight.

TS x

bonnie_bumpkins

Just a quick GOOD LUCK for the test tomorrow.

BBx

RacyRed

Good luck with the test today.

Choc-addict

Best of luck today! xx

TooSad

Thanks been doing dome last minute swotting. Haven't felt this nervous for many years!!!

Having a cuppa then setting off.
TS x

TooSad

I only blinking passed