Husband gone, what now?

Blue_Monkey

TooSad - I've just read this from the start and wanted to say how much I admire you You really have achieved so so much in a very short space of time. On your down days try to remember how far you've come, it really is to be commended.

I think you're doing a great job or rebuilding your own life and regardless of what your hubby "decides" to do, I reckon you'll be in a cracking position to move forward with your life strongly and positively.

I would imagine that when you do have down days its because you're frustrated - you've taken so much control back in other areas of your life, but this is the one thing where the ball is still pretty much in his court.

Saying this, I do wonder how long this will go on for? How much hope do you have to give? FWIW, I think you are doing the right thing to fight for your marriage, but there are two of you in it.

I really hope he is inspired by you picking yourself up and manages to do the same for himself. I think he is slowly working on himself, and I think only he can be the one to do that (in the same way you did it for yourself)... I imagine that once he gets to a better place he'll be ready (or readier if that's a word) to work on the two of you.

I really sincerley hope your patience and perseverance pays off. Wishing you all the love and luck in the world!

TooSad

Thank you Blue Monkey

I would like to think he is working on himself too. When he first went I was a bit manic and panicking thinking omg I have to get him back and I hung my hat off of every small thing he said or did, good of bad. Now I am content with spending time together and rebuilding.

Im going to acupuncture now another thing that's helped me to care more about me.

TooSad xxx

TooSad

Just a quick update. We have had a nice weekend together, not all weekend but quality time.

He is going away tomorrow for a week with a friend, and although I will miss him loads I am not sad about it, I hope he has a good time and that he brings me back a present (!) I've been helping him out today to get everything ready as he is limited on weight and what he can take. In fact for the first time I am glad I am not going as I would not be able to keep in the weight limits - lol.

Apparently I am worth my weight in gold, for everything I do for him or have done this weekend, and according to him because the price of gold has sky rocketed I am worth loads!!!

They are all tentative steps in the right direction, he has been very playful and childish today which he hasn't been like for months so it was really nice to laugh, really belly laugh at each other and with each other.

Next week will probably be a quiet one for me, will be reading a lot more of the books folk on here have recommended, and I will finish of decorating the bedroom.

TooSad x

TooSad

Well the OH has been out of the country for 36 hours, I haven't been resting on my laurels.

Today with the help of my sister and nephew I have filled a 2 cubic yard skip with stuff from the garden, its always been a bug bear of mine the junk rammed behind the garage and OH is annoyed with it too, but I have grasped the nettle and tackled this - it was hard work and catharthic. Didn't tell OH I was doing this he is in France, but I sent him a picture - his response "wow that looks amazing!!!! You deserve a special prize"

I havent done this to make him want to come home, I've done it for me. His response is nice and yes I do deserve a special prize (lol)

I guess I want him to realise that I don't NEED him, I can do these dirty rank jobs myself, I WANT him for who he is and not for what he can do around the house.

So my garden is now on the way to looking absolutely amazing, I have got my whole family coming over tomorrow for a BBQ which will be nice, and something I havent done since last (2010) Father's Day - I know that sounds awful but I just couldnt be arsed with it all. Looking back and what I know now of course this was part and parcel of the depression but I didn't know it at the time.

Our bedroom is looking great I am really really proud of myself doing this on my own too. All the decorating was done together or with the help of family, again its important for me to see this through for me, and for my own sense of achievement.

Im going swimming in a bit, I don't know where I have got my energy from today, I swear I havent been taking drugs!!

The rest of the week is going to be equally action packed. I am going to ground school at the local airport on Thursday to do a Radio Telephony course, I told OH when he learnt to fly that I would, and I am going to do this, again for me, I haven't had the time or the inclination until now. I hope I get a higher score than him too.

Seeya

(Not so) TooSad xx

Sally_A

Well done TooSad, in less than 3 months you have turned into a very strong person. :T:T:T

TooSad

Sally_A wrote: »

Well done TooSad, in less than 3 months you have turned into a very strong person. :T:T:T

Thank you Sally A, mentally I am the strongest I have ever been, and physically I have the muscles to prove it :j

CH27

Well done TooSad:T

You should change your name to StrongLady:D

TooSad

CH27 wrote: »

Well done TooSad:T

You should change your name to StrongLady:D

Thank you CH27. :j It's been a lot of graft on my part, but the support from people on here has been fantastic - when I have been at rock bottom or when I've had a wobble - complete strangers have offered me advice, compassion and support.

I always knew this strong person was inside me, hence my refusal to take anti-depressants way back in May. I do wonder if I had gone down that track what life would be like for me today? I will never know but I do wonder........?

TooSad

My batteries have finally worn out. Not before I put another coat of paint in bedroom though! Yay go me!

Up and at it early tomorrow I reckon. BBQ for 12 to do tomorrow evening.

I was telling my friend at swimming just how much better I felt and how "alive"
I feel, and about me not needing OH but wanting him. She said she can tell the change in me as there isn't sadness hiding int eyes and I've got my crazy funniness back (it is a compliment) she said though best of all I'm
Not negative anymore about myself, relationship, mum, family, job - she said the weight has been lifted and I just need to continue on my upward trend.

Today has been a phenomenally good day!

Night all x

TooSad

Well i've had a busy week so far. The bedroom is almost completed it looks fab and im really pleased with what I have done.
I have just got back from the airport - booked in for my radio course next week - excited but nervous at the same time.
Had all the family round last night for a BBQ was almost ruined due to the pouring rain but it eventually blew over and we could resume our al fresco dining, it was lovely having everyone here although I missed OH not being here
Im going swimming in a bit, I love school holidays Then tonight I am going to see my MIL, which I am looking forward to.
Going to a Spa on Monday with the ladies, pedicure and full body massage to look forward to - bliss.

OH is back tomorrow, wetaher permitting. Wonder if he will have got me a special present

Thats all from me for now
TooSad x