Help son looking at websites he shouldnt be

jetta_wales

Mojisola wrote: »

The trouble is that a lot of what's easily available on the net isn't the equivalent of top-shelf lad's mags - it's more like the stuff that could only be bought in the back rooms of Soho sex shops. Some of it is very nasty and not the best introduction for a youngster wanting to learn about sex.

Perhaps your views of sex are a little more sheltered than some.

spike7451

Teddy_KGB wrote: »

In my day, it was find a few pages from a porno mag down at the park! I remember thinking it was the greatest day ever when that happened! lol We would also watch a mates dad's !!!!!! he found under the bed! I was probably younger than 13 when I was first exposed to !!!!!! and I have turned out fine, so don't worry! :rotfl:

LOL...I remember when coming home from a mates house over some waste ground,I was about 13,14 ish, 7 I found a copy of Razzle (yes,even over 30 years later I still remember it!) which I smuggled home.
Mom found it & went ballistic,dad sort of sided with her & my big brother,home from the navy,slapped me round the head & told me to find a better hiding place for it!!:rotfl:
Back then,it was real soft core stuff & Mary Whithouse was on a bender,when I joined the RAF some years later,I saw some stuff I'd wish I never saw when I was in Germany (Nothing illigal I must add,just weirdly sick!)
I was away with the TA a year or so ago on a Army Cadet annual camp & some of the girls,no more than 14-15 years old,were on about a certain film involving two girls & a kitchen utensil...When I got home I googled it & was quite shocked that they knew that kind of stuff even existed!...(but maybe that was me being nieve.

Tropez

jetta_wales wrote: »

Perhaps your views of sex are a little more sheltered than some.

I wouldn't call my views on sex sheltered, far from it, but I would agree that there is plenty of material on the Internet that goes far and beyond simple sex. Virtually every video site features the extreme side of !!!!!!, and I've seen listings for scenes of sexual violence taken from normal movies and hosted without context. Anybody who has seen Irreversible would not like the idea of their child viewing Monica Bellucci's subway scene on a !!!!!! site I believe but it does happen.

The problem is that even the most "normal" of !!!!!! sites will host material, sometimes extracted from cinema and shown out of context, other times harvested from DVDs featuring BDSM material, that young children should not be viewing. Virtually every possible fetish or peculiarity is catered too and I don't think it is just the illegal content that would be inappropriate for developing teenagers to be viewing but it does and will happen. Part of the problem is that teenagers, especially males, like to challenge each other on who can sit through the most disgusting thing.

Mojisola

jetta_wales wrote: »

Perhaps your views of sex are a little more sheltered than some.

I'm not talking about what consenting adults might want to do or watch - adventurous, experienced adults can have a go at anything they want to try - this is about a 13 year old boy.

FatVonD

I think internet-enabled computers should be in a shared room, not just for the reason of your post but also because I worry about online bullying. That said we finally caved in and let DS have a PC in his room, he uses it for games mostly and we have parental controls. I'm sure the time will come soon when he'll be curious and I'm torn between doing as an ex colleague did, ie buy him a copy of something risque but fairly mild and worrying that that kind of desensitising by having half-naked women in 'regular' magazines and newspapers is just as bad (a place for everything etc.)

I do think you need to have the chat about not only how real women don't look like that but also how most real women wouldn't be comfortable doing a lot of those things (I'd probably make a point of saying that those indulging in the most degrading stuff are probably reduced to doing it to feed a drug habit and kill 2 birds with one stone ) I think it's only natural for him to be curious but I'd try at all costs to avoid any lengthy exposure to it.

jetta_wales

Mojisola wrote: »

I'm not talking about what consenting adults might want to do or watch - adventurous, experienced adults can have a go at anything they want to try - this is about a 13 year old boy.

Who you would like to feel can talk to you about such things through the turbulence of puberty? Not likely to be the case if this is how you handle the issue.

Mojisola

jetta_wales wrote: »

Who you would like to feel can talk to you about such things through the turbulence of puberty? Not likely to be the case if this is how you handle the issue.

Not the case. We've always been very open with our children and they can, and do, discuss anything with us.

bluenoseam

Now allow me to be the voice of many who are too embarassed to speak up!

He's 13 and looking at !!!!!!, you do know he's probably thought to himself about atleast 3 girls in his class "oh yeah, i'd do that in a heartbeat!" don't you? It's normal for boys (and a sizeable chunk of girls too - lets not kid ourselves on here, girls look at !!!!!! too, just less prevelant than guys) and will not stunt his development in any way shape or form. Was it wise of him to be looking at such material in a way which he's likely to get caught, probably not, but try to understand that right now, his head's spinning a thousand different directions and he's surrounded by girls who are not exactly dressed in a demure fashion! He'll be under no illusion that the average woman is a size 6, has breasts which have their own gravitational pull (or can be seen on Google Earth) and jump into bed with so much as an "i've come to fix your fridge!". Try to see the positive side of this, he's looking at a bit of filth - atleast he's not bringing Abbie his classmate home and going "hey Mum, so we kinda got carried away and sorry, but Abbie here is pregnant - what do we do?" like a number of 13 year olds have done in the past. He'll no doubt be mortified that he's been caught, that's punishment enough surely, life is hard enough on a teenage kid these days without being given a severe censure for watching !!!!!! - i understand you might have trust issues around it, but did you honestly think that your DS had never fantasised about naked women or seen !!!!!!?

Still some of the replies here shock me considerably, i know none of us likes to think about it, but we are aware that about 80% of men have at some point or another looked at !!!!!! aren't we? and that even more shocking, there's a vast chunk of GIRLS also look at !!!!!!, it's maybe not to everyone's taste, but ultimately if you look at it through time, there are precious few industries which survive and thrive as much as the !!!!!! industry has over the years. I'm not saying you have to embrace it, but not all !!!!!! is about doing sick stuff you know, it's not all perverts & weirdos who keep the industry going and truth be told i'm willing to bet that if you asked OH hand on heart if they've ever watched it, they'll answer in the positive, if you ask your kids again, same answer. Yes there are some sick images out there which could be doing with being stamped out, but if i ever get concerned about a teenage boy watching a bit of x-rated material well then i guess i'll give up on life, because they've been doing that since WAAAAAY before any of us were too prudish to admit it!

Plans_all_plans

He's 13!! I think anyone who thinks it's ok for a 13 yr old to look at hardcore !!!!!! (or any sort of !!!!!! for that matter) needs their head testing.

I'm not saying he wont have natural curiosity - of course he will - but 13 is way too young to be accessing !!!!!!.

OP, get some form of security on the computer so that he can't look at stuff like this, explain to him why he shouldn't be seeing stuff like that at his age and tell him there'll be consequences if you find out he's been looking at it again.

Mojisola

bluenoseam wrote: »

if i ever get concerned about a teenage boy watching a bit of x-rated material well then i guess i'll give up on life, because they've been doing that since WAAAAAY before any of us were too prudish to admit it!

immortalprincess wrote: »

HMy DS aged 13, has been looking at !!!!!! websites on the computer. Now I know this will probably be normal for teenage boys, but, im really worried about it.

it really is hard core stuff hes looking at. I dont know how to deal with this. before, we have taken the computer off him. We have eventually given it back to him with the promise "I will never do it again mum", but of course, this isnt working.

How should I address this with him? I have even said to him before that if he is trying to access these websites it could affect his computer with all sorts of viruses, and he might even go onto a website that is illegal, ie children, and that me and his dad could get into an awful lot of trouble.

I don't think immortalprincess thinks an interest in sex is abnormal but a 13 year old watching hard core !!!!!! is a different issue. So is continuing to do it after promising not to.

The possibility of him going onto illegal sites is also an issue. The really heavy stuff has to be paid for but, if a child used Mum or Dad's card to access one of these sites, it could end up with very serious consequences. Just accessing some of the heavier !!!!!! sites could cause problems if Mum or Dad are in some jobs and the stuff is found when a computer is repaired.

Kids need to know what problems can result from what might seem to them just some exciting surfing.