Help son looking at websites he shouldnt be

spike7451

Mojisola wrote: »

I don't think immortalprincess thinks an interest in sex is abnormal but a 13 year old watching hard core !!!!!! is a different issue. So is continuing to do it after promising not to.

The possibility of him going onto illegal sites is also an issue. The really heavy stuff has to be paid for but, if a child used Mum or Dad's card to access one of these sites, it could end up with very serious consequences. Just accessing some of the heavier !!!!!! sites could cause problems if Mum or Dad are in some jobs and the stuff is found when a computer is repaired.

Kids need to know what problems can result from what might seem to them just some exciting surfing.

It's not just the internet tho,I remember a fault I got when I was a Service Engineer for NTL,I got a fault as a customer had loads of X-Rated PPV & other charges on her bill.

So I went into the hidden engineer menu on her cable box & listed there were loads of PPV charges over a couple weeks.

Turned out her & her husband was away & left the younger child in the care of the 18 year old brother,little brother had got hold of Mom's PIN number for the cable box....

So the moral here is IF you have Sky/VM TV,make sure that you change the pin (it's usually the last 4 numbers of the viewing card) & set the parentla controls bucause if,like the woman above,you get charges for X-Rated stuff on your next Sky/VM bill.....you've no one to blame except.....................Insert blamee's name here!

immortalprincess

Thank you everyone for your replies.

My husband is going to look at my sons computer tonight and download some security on it.
I know I should have done this before, but I didnt, he only got the computer at Christmas, and I honestly didnt think he would access it on the computer. I know he will be thinking about sex and probably talking about it at school, I just didnt think he would look at it on the web, especially after we caught him before and spoke to him about it. I think that same person (sorry cant remember the name) said I did a great job in dealing with this because now, he wont come to me or my husband about sex etc, well there I have to disagree.
We are a very close family and I have always answered questions about sex if my son asked me, and he has asked me questions before.
when he went into first year at school, he said someone brought in a magazine which showed men and women having sex, and I spoke to him about it, explained that sex wasnt dirty, but it was something that was for adults. He asked me questions about and I told him.

As I said the website was hardcore, he didnt input our credit cards or anything like that, it wasnt with animals or children (thank god).
It was the trust aspect that really affected my husband. Trust is a big thing in my household, for me, its one of the most important aspect of a relationship, that along with respect, and my husband (me too if im honest) feel that he has really let us down.

hitatotatus

I believe we can never truely know a person 100% and even though we may project our feelings and personality onto them and think they are just like us, that is not actually the case.
To burden your son with guilt for letting you down at this stage in his life where he is finding himself may make him resent you and this may lead to him hiding things from you even more. You need to realise that he will not tell you everything, nor should he.

Even tho you should be able to trust him, he is still at the stage where the reality of trust may not yet be apparent to him. This is when he learns the responsiblity of his actions, and I am sure it will not be the only incident in his teenage life.
Your son said he wouldn't look at it to keep you happy, but at the moment his desire to look at these sites is stronger than his desire to please mum and dad.

You may have an easy relationship with him, but is that because he has always agreed with you or you managed to convince him that your way is right - what will happen when he doesn't agree? Best be prepared!!


I do agree with you re the access to hardcore !!!!!! - and it is a timely reminder for me to check our security as have recently upgraded computer and not put all security on it yet which I should have done. :eek: I too have a hormonal 13 yr old. Thx.

Jinx

In my opinion no amount of punishments will stop a teenager seeking access to !!!!!!. While your teen may speak to you about sex and relationships, love etc and how it works - I doubt very much he will reveal anything about why he wants to look at !!!!!! and his interest in all things of that nature. I do understand that you feel your trust has been broken however he is clearly interested in sex and that will find an 'outlet' in some way.

ailuro2

He will find a way to find women being portrayed as sexual objects, it is 2011, all he has to do is flick through MTV or any of the other channels showing music videos, a vast majority of them show women as sexual objects. It's up to his parents to discuss these issues with him and ensure he's got a reasonable handle on the real world.

I do agree though that he should be kept away from hardcore, and it's very important that he is reminded that some of what the kids at school are saying will be bravado and made up, and that some of them will have had their internet access curtailed also!

In the same vein, many of his mates will be allowed to play 18 rated games for Wii/xbox/ps, but it has been shown time and time again this affects the people playing the games detrimentally, affecting behaviour etc. Are you consistent over what he's allowed to access, or is it just the sexually oriented stuff you think he needs banned from?

Tropez

ailuro2 wrote: »

In the same vein, many of his mates will be allowed to play 18 rated games for Wii/xbox/ps, but it has been shown time and time again this affects the people playing the games detrimentally, affecting behaviour etc.

I have to say this is actually debateable. Firstly, no study has ever offered definitive proof that violence in video games causes violent behaviour or aggression, either in children or adults, although some studies have suggested a link. However, just as many studies have argued that there is no link or correlation but these don't meet the criteria the media are looking for in their scare-mongering and are thus brushed under the carpet. It's worth noting that in the United States, the largest consumer of video games in the western world, while video game sales have been increasing significantly, the juvenile crime rate is on a rapid decline. Between 1994 and 2004, juvenile felony crime fell 49% and murder fell 71%.

And amongst the media jumping on every report condemning video games, a report by the EU claimed that video games are beneficial for children and that there is no firm proof of a relationship between aggression and video game violence - http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2009/feb/12/computer-games-eu-study

The truth is, what really affects children more than anything else is inadequate parenting. Playing video games, watching violent movies, listening to violent music - yeah, I did all of that when I was a teenager - but what I also had were parents who taught me respect, dignity, right and wrong, instilled discipline, rewarded me when I was good, punished me when I was bad, spent time with me, took me places, listened to me, looked after me and cared about my interests. If you actually look at the profiles of the minute number of people who have committed heinous crimes and used television or video game media as an excuse - they didn't have any of that.

Stopping children playing the games where possible is fair enough, simply due to the potential problems that might arise, but blaming video games when they're only ever going to be a symptom of wider problems in a child's development ignores the issue and the very real chance that there are a lot more problems in that child's home.

jess1974

I would be more worried if my nearly 14 year old son was'nt interested in girls......

worried_jim

milliebear00001 wrote: »

There is some really disgusting stuff available on the net. Your son has probably seen some of it.

Where? I've been looking for years and not seen any yet?

Empty_pockets

Lol you are OTT

All lads look at !!!!!!, remember when I used to do it, waiting 45min for a single picture to load. Was worth it though!

My only advice is keep your credit card well hidden!

daviecol

jess1974 wrote: »

I would be more worried if my nearly 14 year old son was'nt interested in girls......

I was thinking the same thing. When I put a PC in my teenage sons bedroom I KNEW he would watch !!!!!! on it! I would expect nothing less from a healthy teenager.

Just because most men enjoy !!!!!! it doesn't make us all rapists and perverts. If it did virtually every man in the country would be locked away by now.

The fact of the matter is some people have a relaxed attitude to !!!!!! and others don't. I feel sorry for the teenage boy in this post, to ask a young lad not to look at !!!!!! on a PC is like sticking a bowl of food under a dogs nose and expecting it not to eat it.