How to convince my partner I'm a safe bet?

lostinrates

I'm amazed how many people feel inclined to believe there is more to this than money. repeatedly we here statistics about how often money causes disharmony in relationships more than most other things....with two people with such different past attitudes to money why should it be that it cannot really be all about her concerns about money (and what attitude to it represents.)

Six months, for a final push and its over OP: and behind you. Its not long, but perhaps still just a bit too far to be thinking about a new, bigger mortgage. perhaps consider just not making any decisions about relationship, or any great gestures about her faith in you or anything until nearer the time of it all being out of the way. Then how about trying moving in and paying rent for six months and setting a date to discuss what next (house move/proposal whatever.) if that proves happy for you both. The advantage then is you can use that six months to build some savings, enjoy some time being debt free and she is not put in a vulnerable financial position, which might make her more emotionally robust.

mackemdave

andymc29 wrote: »

I earn 41 grand a year and am currently staying at my parents in order to save money to pay off debts, I own virtually nothing.

After saying this I think your girl friend has every right to be worried about how you handle money...You are coming into a relationship after squandering your money while she is expected to go into it a house owner with savings...Shes got a very wise head on her shoulders and you have been very immature

mikerobertson_uk

When me & my wife met the first thing i done was to tell how much debt i was in,we've been togther severn years now & she's so good with money & has guided me in paying off my debts.She knows im a spender not a saver so puts money in my bank a/c for me,and she does the saving etc.Yes im still in debt but she been great. I Have so much to thank her for.
(yes you jayne)

diable

make_me_wise wrote: »

There are also too many people on here who like to kick a man when he is down. Do you realise how rude and patronising your post is?

If you had read the OPs posts carefully you would realise that he is working hard to clear his debts. His girlfriend wont discuss the situation with him, to the extent that he is now considering emailing her!!!!

So he should get on with it and do it, sounds like a "all mouth and no action" type of person to me and his girlfriend has come to the conclusion that he'll never change.

peachyprice

Here's all the replies you received the last time you asked the same thing

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3154642=

make_me_wise

diable wrote: »

So he should get on with it and do it, sounds like a "all mouth and no action" type of person to me and his girlfriend has come to the conclusion that he'll never change.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

The OP advised us that he is set to clear his debts in the next 6 months. Hardly all mouth and no action.

Is the fact that not one person has thanked you for your comments on this thread, no indication to you that you come across really vile and aggressive?

donquine

andymc29 wrote: »

I wish she would just "take the jump". I tried explaining to her that it's more important how much you have left at the end of the month than how much you have saved in the bank that matters. In that, yes I might owe over seven grand still, but I have a large amount of spare cash each month to put towards that, and teh only payments I need to make each month are about £320, so it's not a huge amount and leavesme with plenty to play with. I think she's just been in her safe little world too long to think about taking a chance on anything or anyone.

andymc29 wrote: »

I don't mean that I always have 700 quid say in the bank, this would go on debt payments. I know how much I have coming in, and going out, then make sensible overpayments over the month. I keep a credit card to hand in case of unusually high bills (such as car repairs), but focus on tackling high interest debts first. Believe me, I do "get it". I just worry that she's too sensible in some ways (not overpaying for car parks say), and also bad in others (she pays £80 for her hair cuts)

I'm sorry, but no, from what you've posted, you don't get it.

I realise that repaying your debts has been a long journey up until this point and you've done fantastically well to get this far, but you still have further to go and your attitude to money still needs some work.

I'm sure you haven't enjoyed clearing your debt so far and that it has been difficult, so would you recommend being thousands of pounds in debt? Probably not, you wouldn't have started to deal with your debts if you hadn't had a lightbulb moment, so why criticise your girlfriend for not wanting to be in that position? She's not being too safe, she's being exactly safe enough.

As for your girlfriend being silly for spending £80 on haircuts, from what you've said, she saves and scrimps in every other area of her life so she can easily afford to pay for these. If someone living on the breadline was paying £80 to get their hair cut, I would say that was ridiculous, but your girlfriend is earning good money and has plenty of savings to tide her over if she should suddenly lose her job.

You suggested earlier she might be a bit of a moneygrabber, but that surely can't be further from the truth. Someone who likes saving money does not enjoy spending money recklessly, even if it's not their own.

I really hope that you don't mean everything you've said and that you are just frustrated by your debts and the problems you've been having with your girlfriend. You do need to look at your attitude to money more thoroughly and understand that you're not quite there yet. If you continue to insist you are, even though you aren't, you're just going to push your girlfriend further away.

As said before, another six months to wait isn't a long time when looking at the long-term picture.

diable

make_me_wise wrote: »

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

The OP advised us that he is set to clear his debts in the next 6 months. Hardly all mouth and no action.

Is the fact that not one person has thanked you for your comments on this thread, no indication to you that you come across really vile and aggressive?

Simple thing please simple minds........... :beer: and I don't do "fishing for thanks" like some posters do.

His girlfriend has a stressful job and all he does is moan about his own problems.............

Pee

If you sense that she is only interested for you for your money, then I suggest you allocate all spare money including money for meals out to your debts and clear them and see what happens then. Whilst it seems she has been careful with money, and well done her for that, she also seems happy for you to treat her with your money. You are on a very good salary and I wonder if that is part of your attraction to her. If it is, then there are better alternatives for you, people who don't see you as a payday.

Softstuff

I think there's every possibility that this is just about money, since I can see where your girlfriend is coming from on this. To start with she's hardly a money grabber, since you have nothing to grab, yes you're on 40k a year, but your assets are a minus figure. Congratulations on improving your situation by reducing your debts, but they're still not gone yet, so you have a little way to go.

It would concern me that you still have a credit card, that says to me that you're still not able to budget for contingencies. I appreciate for many people using a credit card is the norm, but neither I nor my hubby have ever had one. I'd cut that up as a demonstration to her of your changing attitude to money.

If you move in with her, it will still be her house. She has worked hard for it and made all the contributions to it, why should she give you equal standing in it? I'd hold off on a move until you both felt more committed to the relationship and had some serious savings that you could contribute her mortgage as a sign of that commitment, and an investment to make it your joint home.

I simply don't get why you comment how she spends her money at all, since she isn't in debt and has significant assets. Yes 80 quid is a lot to me for a haircut too, but given how well she is doing for herself that's her business. Who is paying for the meals out? Is she splitting the bill with you or are you paying? She should be going halves with you on that and I agree that maybe some cheaper nights in might be in order.

Six months seems like quite a while to pay off what little of your debts remain, but I don't know how much keep you pay your parents. Might be worth posting an SOA, if the folks here could help you cut your costs and you could pay your debts off more quickly, that would be a great demonstration to her of your change.