How to convince my partner I'm a safe bet?

dark_lady

Hi Andymc29 How did the picnic go today. Did you both have a good time?

shy-but-need-help

andymc29 wrote: »

One thing she says is about engagements rings should be three months wages, I'm totally sure she's joking here, no sane money wise person would suggest spending £6900 (3 x my takehome pay) on a ring, surely?

My sisters engagement ring met that rule and the result? She never, ever wears it, infact i do believe she has it locked away because the cost of it worries her so much. (same with her wedding ring- she had to have 2 wedding rings because she was too scared to use her real one she got married with, she wears a tiffany's band for everyday because she worries about losing the big, diamond loaded one she used at the ceremony)

My engagement ring cost the princely sum of £24.50, it's made from silver and a cheap garnet and he bought it for me on honeymoon because he only realised on our wedding day I'd actually lost my original one (he bought me at 17 for the grand sum of £49 and then had to have me pay his bus fare home as he spent every penny he had on it- awwwwww, should have known then he'd never be rich :rotfl:)

I constantly tell my DH it's not the cost of the ring that matters, but the fact he's still here when I wake up everyday, that's the priceless part of a marriage, not the jewellery.

Danfuss

Just a suggestion, but why not consider entering into a cohabitation agreement? This would allow each of you to set out what each brought to the relationship when you started to live together; how you intend to manage your finances; whether or not the OP would have any interest in the GFs home; what would happen in the event that the relationship broke down etc. It can be drawn up by a solicitor, based on each party having independent advice, and full disclosure of each party’s financial circumstances.
There is further advice on this on the Living Together site, together with an example of the contract/agreement.
Another thought also occurs. You do not say how old your GF is. Could it be that she is anxious about the clock ticking while she waits for you to clear your debts and then build up some savings which would enable you to set up home together on some sort of equal footing?

thorg21

andymc29 wrote: »

We're ogin on holiday in two weeks to teh New forest, it's a cottage that's costing us around £250 each, I'm really looking forward to it, and she is to, but she does talk about it as being a "cheap" holiday due to me not having much money to spend. I don't like this as it makes me feel like she'd rather be going on a bigger holiday but I'm, holding her back.

I really don't like the sound of your girlfriend. You are taking active steps to get out of debts but she is still nagging you about your financial situation. On the other hand, she also insists on expensive treats. If that isn't the definition of a money grabber, I don't know what that is. Honestly, you are better off without her. Like a few people in this thread, she probably thinks you are a completely unsafe bet. If I were you, I would do each other a favour and end the relationship.