At what age should children do mothers day?

Zoetoes

Could your husband not have taken the little boy shopping for something separately rather than when you were there?

poet123

I can see your point, but as the mother of four sons I have to say they are all emotionally late maturers! My husband still buys mothers day cards for all my sons, but the eldest three do buy their own presents, the youngest, aged 13, still has dad to help him along.

I think it is a male/female thing and that maybe you are expecting a bit much....and I do think your OH should have steered him or advised him that he was now expected to sort things out for himself, and also steer him away from the book you already have.

I do think you are being quicker to blame your son than your OH.

SkintGypsy

I have had to have words with my five year old today. Although she has spent the week making me many mothers day cards, when I asked my husband to take a picture of me with my babies she pulled a horrid face in every one. There are hardly any nice pictures of me with my beautiful children, and that was all I asked her for on mothers day. She did make it up to me by smiling her hardest for me when we tried again, and even took a couple herself of me and husband with the baby. And all is well with the world. It's hard not to be hurt when the smallest gesture would mean the world, but even that is too much. Chin up chick.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

No card from mine this year again. Not surprising from the eldest, as she is more interested in her stepmother and boyfriend's mum since she moved out. (they have much more money and are significantly more gullible where she is concerned)

The youngest (11) spent the weekend at her father's. No card, not even a homemade one from her, but stepmum did buy a 'best mum in the world' cupcake for her to give me when she came back an hour ago.

OK, so I hate cakes, but it's a gesture - and they don't do special Mother's Day boxes of sushi.

If they're thoughtless and selfish the rest of the year, halfheartedly chucking a whole bundle of something stupidly overpriced at you on one day, just because they are supposed to, doesn't really cut it.


Although having said that, an old boyfriend used to buy his mum flowers regularly and always got her nice presents from the week he got his first paper round. And a recent one is staying at his mum's, so she doesn't have to spend the night of Mother's Day alone (after spending the weekend with his sister and her children) now she is widowed. He won't get her a present, but she will be delighted that he stayed there, especially as he's going to be telling her that he is going to be moving from 250 miles away from her to about 15 minutes' drive from her, so she doesn't have to feel so isolated.

To her, his being willing to move will mean more than the 30 odd years where he hasn't got her a card or present.

Nicki

Zoetoes wrote: »

So your husband says things in front of you but he mustn't have realised yet your 11 year little boy does and he's selfish?

Also, why would you ask your husband if your son had paid anything towards it? I wouldn't dream of asking who paid what, I am just grateful for whatever I receive.

Poor OH can't do right for doing wrong by some posters. We were in the bookshop, and I was running round keeping tabs on the toddler. I think I was actually on the other side of a bookcase from OH when I heard him. I certainly wasn't obviously in earshot, but when my DS had the conversation earlier we were all sat round the breakfast table together.

I asked whether DS had contributed because of the conversation he initiated the day before. It wouldn't be something I would ordinarily aak but given that DS had made a point of letting me know he wasn't going to get anything, when he then presented something from all 3 kids it was natural to wonder whether he had contributed. And given that it wasn't a present even in name just from DS, I can't completely understand why people feel he should be upset by guessing I am more touched by DD's card than their combined gift provided by dad?

Why would it make a difference by the way whether OH took DS out separately, if the intention on DS's part was always for OH to get the gift? The whole point is that no gift at all was required, just some token gesture on the part of DS to show he cared, which could have been doing a chore unasked, make a cup of tea, an unexpected hug or a homemade card, or as someone said a £1 bunch of daffs which he could have got from the corner shop which he often walks to independently to buy sweets.

tiff

You cant force someone, to show they care or appreciate you. Kids can be self centred, my DS13 made no effort and his Dad is working away. The time will come when they DO really appreciate you or what youve done, maybe that time will never come. Just accept those good caring moments when you get them and dont force the issue on Mothers Day. My husband has been working abroad all week and will be back next Friday. A couple of nights this week my son offered to make me a coffee from the machine before he went up to bed. He rarely does that when Dad is home so I know he's thinking of me and offering to do something nice. Hasnt done it today but I KNOW he has cared this week. I do think you are being harsh.

rev229

Nicki wrote: »

I'm wondering whether I am being unreasonable or unfair to be feeling a bit upset with my 11 year old DS.

He's been asking for the last couple of weeks when Mothers Day was so was well aware it was today. Yesterday he asked his dad, in front of me, whether dad had got anything for me for mothers day. Dad replied I wasn't his mum, and it was for him to do something, to which he replied he wasn't going to spend his money on it, and dad should do it as he's always done it in the past when kids were younger.

Dad did buy a card for me which DS signed and dad also paid for a book which DS chose (but we were already in the bookshop at the time, it was dad's idea that DS should go and choose something, and the book he chose was a cookery book which I already own and has been sitting on the coffee table in the living room for the last 4 weeks or so!)

Today, not even a cup of tea in the morning from DS, and then over lunch he starts pestering me to big him up for choosing such a great present for me, not mentioning that dad had paid for it, and he'd gone to no effort at all.

Am I unreasonable in feeling he could have put a bit more thought into things? He gets £3 per week pocket money and has about £40 saved up, but to be honest I'd have been happy with a home made card or a cup of tea in bed this morning but am feeling a bit hurt by the total lack of effort. My other kids are 10 with learning difficulties (but she made me a lovely card at school and was really pleased to give it to me) and a baby so it's fair enough for dad to help them out with acknowledging the day.

I know it's all an artificial construct like Valentines Day to make money for retailers, but I still feel a bit by DS!

I could have written this myself! I have a 14DS has 2 paper rounds whaich pays 60 per month he also has 20 from his gran this week. Despite this i have had no card or anything! Well a mouthful of cheek which is about a much as I get. He has money as he has just popped out to top up his phone!!! No happy mothers day comment of even a home made card. DD12 has special needs and she made me a lovely card. Really hurts.

Zoetoes

Nicki wrote: »

Poor OH can't do right for doing wrong by some posters. We were in the bookshop, and I was running round keeping tabs on the toddler. I think I was actually on the other side of a bookcase from OH when I heard him. I certainly wasn't obviously in earshot, but when my DS had the conversation earlier we were all sat round the breakfast table together.

I asked whether DS had contributed because of the conversation he initiated the day before. It wouldn't be something I would ordinarily aak but given that DS had made a point of letting me know he wasn't going to get anything, when he then presented something from all 3 kids it was natural to wonder whether he had contributed. And given that it wasn't a present even in name just from DS, I can't completely understand why people feel he should be upset by guessing I am more touched by DD's card than their combined gift provided by dad?

Why would it make a difference by the way whether OH took DS out separately, if the intention on DS's part was always for OH to get the gift? The whole point is that no gift at all was required, just some token gesture on the part of DS to show he cared, which could have been doing a chore unasked, make a cup of tea, an unexpected hug or a homemade card, or as someone said a £1 bunch of daffs which he could have got from the corner shop which he often walks to independently to buy sweets.

If dad had taken him to the shops without you then you wouldn't have overheard for a start.

Isn't it normal for the dad to take the kids to pick something when they're little rather than the kid be expected to go the shops themselves?

I actually think this should all rest with your husband rather than the little boy. Yes it's Mother's Day and your not his mother but you are the mother of his children, shouldn't he have made a bit of effort or at least helped the kids to?

Zoetoes

rev229 wrote: »

I could have written this myself! I have a 14DS has 2 paper rounds whaich pays 60 per month he also has 20 from his gran this week. Despite this i have had no card or anything! Well a mouthful of cheek which is about a much as I get. He has money as he has just popped out to top up his phone!!! No happy mothers day comment of even a home made card. DD12 has special needs and she made me a lovely card. Really hurts.

Aww never mind. I think there's a big difference between an 11 year old and a 14 year old though, although there's also a big difference between boys and girls with this sort of thing!

Zoetoes

Now I'm wondering if I baby my little lad a bit as he hasn't been allowed the shop alone yet :eek: