At what age should children do mothers day?

Nicki

I'm wondering whether I am being unreasonable or unfair to be feeling a bit upset with my 11 year old DS.

He's been asking for the last couple of weeks when Mothers Day was so was well aware it was today. Yesterday he asked his dad, in front of me, whether dad had got anything for me for mothers day. Dad replied I wasn't his mum, and it was for him to do something, to which he replied he wasn't going to spend his money on it, and dad should do it as he's always done it in the past when kids were younger.

Dad did buy a card for me which DS signed and dad also paid for a book which DS chose (but we were already in the bookshop at the time, it was dad's idea that DS should go and choose something, and the book he chose was a cookery book which I already own and has been sitting on the coffee table in the living room for the last 4 weeks or so!)

Today, not even a cup of tea in the morning from DS, and then over lunch he starts pestering me to big him up for choosing such a great present for me, not mentioning that dad had paid for it, and he'd gone to no effort at all.

Am I unreasonable in feeling he could have put a bit more thought into things? He gets £3 per week pocket money and has about £40 saved up, but to be honest I'd have been happy with a home made card or a cup of tea in bed this morning but am feeling a bit hurt by the total lack of effort. My other kids are 10 with learning difficulties (but she made me a lovely card at school and was really pleased to give it to me) and a baby so it's fair enough for dad to help them out with acknowledging the day.

I know it's all an artificial construct like Valentines Day to make money for retailers, but I still feel a bit by DS!

Fang_3

Yes. You're being unreasonable, and actually so is your husband. Or is he excused for buying the book that has apparently been sat on the coffee table for a month?

pigpen

I got a card from DGS which his mum had got for me.. not DS1

I have lovely cards from the 3 small pinks and DD4 wrote me a song lol.. and a hug from DS1.. that's it.. 9 children and not a sweet or a card.. even from the baby which REALLY pee'd me off because OH went and bought a card for his mum from him and one from the baby and posted them and didn't get me one..

But it's fine.. revenge shall be mine come June when it is fathers day!!!!!!!!

I didn't get my mother a card, but despite the fact she has barely spoken to me in 2 months and I have no idea what imagined misdemeanor I have caused upset with I still managed to have a conversation with her and wish her happy mothers day.

Mine are 19, 16, 15, 13, 12, 10, 8, 6 and almost 8 months.. so NO excuse.. even if one of the older ones bought a card and they all wrote in it..

I was up at 7 with the baby.. left OH in bed.

Just a normal day in here actually..

Never mind.. it is meant to be about the church anyway so isn't like it is important.. God help them if I get the same lack of thought for my birthday..

balletshoes

My DD is 9, and I wouldn't want her spending her money on me for Mothers Day. She does remember Mothers Day though, this year she gave me her home-made card that she made at school, and she also bought me a card (well, she asked me for the money, I took her to the card shop and stood outside while she chose and paid for it ). Maybe its a boy thing? Maybe when she's at high school, my DD won't be putting in any effort either, who knows?

happy35

i dont think you are being unreasonable, i dont think mothers day is about spending money it is about the thought.

I personally think that mothers day is a waste of money, i am taking my mam out for lunch one day next week and I went out for lunch with DS yesterday his dad did gave him a loan for this as he had spent all his money buying bike parts a few weeks ago.

DS has agreed to cut grass and clean OH car to pay back the money he has borrowed so I was really chuffed.( i heard them discussing it while I was supposed to be in the bath)

OH is away at the moment so it was extra special that DS had decided where we were going and what time

hellokittygal

No your not being unreasonable!

Your son should be able to at least make you a card or chose one himself at 11 years old.
The present is partly his Fathers fault - If that books been on the table for 4 weeks, surely he would have realised his son chose then same book you already had.

I will admit, i had to ask my mum if there was anything she would like, as i was struggling this year, but i knew it would be something she would really like.

Perhaps your Husband could speak to your son and let him know that you were a little upset that he didn't want to spend any of his money on you.

Nicki

Fang wrote: »

Yes. You're being unreasonable, and actually so is your husband. Or is he excused for buying the book that has apparently been sat on the coffee table for a month?

I'm not at all upset with my DH. I am in fact very grateful to him for trying to mask the fact that my DS didn't feel inclined to do anything. As I thought I'd made clear, I would have been thrilled with a free homemade card from my son, or a cup of tea made with the teabags and milk I had bought for the family. What upset me was the complete lack of desire to do anything by my DS, and the fact that when it was all handed to him on a plate, he still managed to put so little effort into it that he ended up letting his dad buy something it must have been very obvious to him I already had.

However if I am being unreasonable, then that's good to know. The reason to post the thread in the first place was to get other perspectives because at the moment I'm feeling unappreciated and unloved by DS only.

BitterAndTwisted

No, it's not being unreasonable to be disappointed in his selfishness. He's not a baby any more and expecting Daddy to sort everything for him with zero effort expended and no cost to himself is not what this particular day is supposed to be all about. Better a badly-crafted, hand-made card and a cup of tea in bed than a card and book bought on his behalf.

Perhaps a gentle word another time might be in order. I suggest a day or two before his birthday or Christmas

escortg3

Children need to be taught that its not the cost of mothers day its the thought.

My DGD who is 4 pestered me to help her make a cake for her mum (my daughter). Which we did, she decorated the top. Then she made a necklace from her beads and picked my flowers from garden to give her lol.

She was as excited as her mum this morning. it was lovely. I did have a beautiful flower arrangement delivered today from the florist from my two grown up children. Then i have put my feet up all day and done nothing bliss.:)

Fang_3

Nicki wrote: »

I'm not at all upset with my DH. I am in fact very grateful to him for trying to mask the fact that my DS didn't feel inclined to do anything. As I thought I'd made clear, I would have been thrilled with a free homemade card from my son, or a cup of tea made with the teabags and milk I had bought for the family. What upset me was the complete lack of desire to do anything by my DS, and the fact that when it was all handed to him on a plate, he still managed to put so little effort into it that he ended up letting his dad buy something it must have been very obvious to him I already had.

However if I am being unreasonable, then that's good to know. The reason to post the thread in the first place was to get other perspectives because at the moment I'm feeling unappreciated and unloved by DS only.

Letting his dad buy something that was obvious that you already had? Why didn't your OH notice this if it was so obvious, or did he, and then decided that he'd let it slide to make your son look bad and to upset you? Either way it seems you're annoyed with your son for something so inconsequential that it's quite sad. You expect your 11yo to notice something but not your adult OH? I wonder why?

Do you think there might be an element of 'well my sister doesn't have to do any of this, so why should I?'? Being the parent of a child with learning difficulties, and being the sibling of one at roughly the same are quite different things. I think you're projecting quite a lot of anger onto your son that would be better placed at your OH.

mrsspendalot

I don't ever expect to be bought anything on Mothers Day, I'm the same about Valentines. I'm more than happy with a homemade card off the kids. I've never been bothered about a fuss, such as being taken out for lunch or anything. I was a little upset tonight though when my kids came home from their dad's and he had bought them a card and flowers to give to his girlfriend, but not a card for them to give to me. This is the first time I've had to deal with that, he has never done it before in all the time we've been separated.