At what age should children do mothers day?

tanith

My eldest daughter and I were bemoaning the fact that Mothers Day is generally completely off my sons radar and he usually belatedly sends me a happy mothers day text.. both girls bought cards and flowers and choccies . So having sat pulling my son to pieces for an hour I was very taken aback when a large and beautiful bouquet arrived at noon from said son... (he lives abroad) and then I felt happy and bad that I'd doubted he'd bother/remember...
Well I think maybe by 35yrs they ought to remember their Mum without prompting....... hahahaha

Zoetoes

Nicki wrote: »

No, the 10 year old has a mental age of 2-3 years old. She has no understanding of money. I guess the fact that my DS had been talking for the last couple of weeks about the fact that Mothers Day was coming up led me to believe that he might put himself out to make a card. This might be the first year they haven't formally done it in school, but he has had a whole weekend to knock something up if he felt inclined to do so, and he's known since yesterday morning that dad expected him to sort it out for himself but he's spent all his free time yesterday and today playing on his computer and watching TV.

The card and book was from all 3 of them, not just from him, but yes it us true to say that DD's card was far more appreciated. . If DS had made a card or a cup of tea though that would have been appreciated just as much as DD's offering.

It is useful to know that some think that 11 is too young to make an effort though. Makes me feel like its a bit less personal IYSWIM.

So the book was off all 3 of them but you're only angry with your son? I get that the others aren't old enough/able but maybe your son feels like the responsibility is all put on him?

My son is 10 and I wouldn't expect him to go to the shop himself and get something.

I don't think you should mention anything to him that you're disappointed (as others have suggested), it will make him feel bad and I don't think he'll forget it. And I think that would be a really sh!tty thing to do to an 11 year old child.

I'm sure there'll be a few that disagree with me..

Fang_3

Nicki wrote: »

No, the 10 year old has a mental age of 2-3 years old. She has no understanding of money. I guess the fact that my DS had been talking for the last couple of weeks about the fact that Mothers Day was coming up led me to believe that he might put himself out to make a card. This might be the first year they haven't formally done it in school, but he has had a whole weekend to knock something up if he felt inclined to do so, and he's known since yesterday morning that dad expected him to sort it out for himself but he's spent all his free time yesterday and today playing on his computer and watching TV.

The card and book was from all 3 of them, not just from him, but yes it us true to say that DD's card was far more appreciated. . If DS had made a card or a cup of tea though that would have been appreciated just as much as DD's offering.

It is useful to know that some think that 11 is too young to make an effort though. Makes me feel like its a bit less personal IYSWIM.

But your son was the one you blame for not noticing it's been on the coffee table for a month?! Bloody hell! I think you need to have a long chat with your OH about his behaviour, because frankly he's the one that should be taking responsibility, but for whatever reason you're perfectly happy with him letting your 11yo child take it all.

Actually I don't think 11 is too young to make an effort, but I do think it's quite horrible of you to expect him to make an effort without anyone actually informing him of that.

rachbc

my oh has has asked my son (13) for the last week what he was doing for mother's day and son seemed to thing oh was joking and that oh would sort it out - our dd is 4 and he had in fact ordered a box of chocs from thorntons with a gift card from both of them. However when I asked ds where my card was this morning me rushed upstairs and came back hastily 10 mins later with a very poor hm effort!! He then bought me a banana and a glass of juice in bed fro breakfast and spent the morning telling me how much work it had been! DD made me 3 different cards and planted a planter with primulas at nursery and chlid minder!

DS has nearly 300 quid in his account - about twice what I have lol!!

Bennifred

I'd be more cross with your OH if you have to be cross with anyone! Why didn't he make it plain to DS that he should make/buy you a card, if it is so important to you? Offer to go with him to choose? And remind him in plenty of tiime? And check that he'd done something about it? Children aren't mind readers, and some need a lot more input about these kinds of things than others.......

Lance

I'm sorry but I think DH is to blame. Explaining the 'facts of life' is more than sex it is about what is expected in society / family. I took my boy out before MD to get a present, I paid, but he chose and if he chose a Batman computer game I pointed out mummy does not play computer games, unlike him, and to chose something a bit more appropriate for her and not something he really wants. Unless you are really into cooking I would not have allowed a cookery book as it's like buying you a frying pan or dusters. I would also have put him to work on the card. He needs to learn. Perhaps on his birthday get him a book he already has to teach him a lesson.

He blatently didn't bother, not suggesting it's anthing more than idleness, and he needs to learn for when he meets the love of his life and buys her a cooking book on their first annaversary.

Fang_3

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Oh, for heaven's sake: Mother's Day is not about buying cards and gifts. It's about showing appreciation. The OP's son have every opportunity to either make something, buy a card or actually shift himself and do something for his Mum if he could have summoned the interest and made an effort. Even after his father told him that Dad's not responsible for doing it. He had every opportunity and had the time and the means and couldn't be @rsed.

I'd be cut to the quick and can fully understand why the OP would be as well.

Actually that's exactly what Mother's Day is about. The rest of us are perfectly capable of showing our appreciation and thanks without the need of a manufactured date, but obviously not everyone can be bothered to do that so need such days.;)

Nicki

Fang wrote: »

But your son was the one you blame for not noticing it's been on the coffee table for a month?!

:rotfl: I certainly don't blame either my 18 month old baby or my severely disabled DD for this, given that neither of them can read or talk! And my upset was not so much with the fact that the book was a duplicate, as mistakes can and do happen all the time, but with the fact that DS chose not to participate in Mothers Day to any extent (in the past he has with help done a cup of tea and toast in bed and he is now able to manage both of these unaided if he chose to, but didn't.

I have taken on board what everyone has said though and thank you, as venting has made me feel better. I'm still not convinced my poor hubby deserves any criticism for any of this, but I do accept that it's borderline whether DS is old enough to expect him to have made more effort without some parental guidance. I'll let the dust settle for a few days until I am not feeling so sensitive about it, then have a calm chat with him about the fact that he is now old enough to be expected to notice occasions such as birthdays, Christmas, mothers day, etc, and that whilst he does not have to spend his money on these unless he chooses to do, he can do other things to make people feel special, and that if he chooses not to do anything at all, this will be noticed by people who love him and they may feel upset by it, in the same way he would be upset not to get an Easter egg from us, or not so much as a birthday card from a family member on his birthday.

As some posters have said I do think it is a lesson that you need to learn when growing up that some occasions require you to put some thought and planning in, and I am sure his future girlfriends and wife will thank me for it, come Valentines and anniversaries!

BitterAndTwisted

But it's not a manufactured date. I remember going to church as a child on Mothering Sunday and being given a posy of flowers to take home to my mother. That was back in the days before a "Mother's Day" card had ever been printed.

I agree, in a perfect world all children would demonstrate their appreciation for their mothers every single day. Out of a whole year just one special day for all mothers is a splendid idea, if only to concentrate the minds of the selfish or unthinking few.

Fang_3

Nicki wrote: »

:rotfl: I certainly don't blame either my 18 month old baby or my severely disabled DD for this, given that neither of them can read or talk! And my upset was not so much with the fact that the book was a duplicate, as mistakes can and do happen all the time, but with the fact that DS chose not to participate in Mothers Day to any extent (in the past he has with help done a cup of tea and toast in bed and he is now able to manage both of these unaided if he chose to, but didn't.

I have taken on board what everyone has said though and thank you, as venting has made me feel better. I'm still not convinced my poor hubby deserves any criticism for any of this, but I do accept that it's borderline whether DS is old enough to expect him to have made more effort without some parental guidance. I'll let the dust settle for a few days until I am not feeling so sensitive about it, then have a calm chat with him about the fact that he is now old enough to be expected to notice occasions such as birthdays, Christmas, mothers day, etc, and that whilst he does not have to spend his money on these unless he chooses to do, he can do other things to make people feel special, and that if he chooses not to do anything at all, this will be noticed by people who love him and they may feel upset by it, in the same way he would be upset not to get an Easter egg from us, or not so much as a birthday card from a family member on his birthday.

As some posters have said I do think it is a lesson that you need to learn when growing up that some occasions require you to put some thought and planning in, and I am sure his future girlfriends and wife will thank me for it, come Valentines and anniversaries!

You know full well I meant your husband, who for some reason you don't think has any responsibility. I started off having a bit of sympathy for you, but now I just think you should be ashamed of yourself, and your husband and all my sympathy goes to your poor son.