At what age should children do mothers day?

POPPYOSCAR

Nicki I would not get so hung up on mothers day if I were you. My kids and step-kids all sent me cards got presents etc. but TBH they don't really mean that much to me.It's how they treat me all year round that counts.

Your son should not feel that he has to do something or you will be annoyed with him. What is the point of that? I know so many people that only do it because they feel they have to and not because they want to.

hollylangman37

Zoetoes wrote: »

She wouldn't have had anything off any of the kids, it shouldn't all be put on the 11 year old, it's not his fault his siblings aren't able.

No but he should be aware that his other siblings are unable to do it.

I don't think the point is that he got the book that she already had, the point is that he hasn't put any thought into today. He has shown that he is fully aware that Mother's Day is today by asking when it is and in that time, he could have made a card or spent some of his own money, even buying a bunch of daffodils, which would have cost him about a £1. It's a little act but shows appreciation

Zoetoes

hollylangman37 wrote: »

No but he should be aware that his other siblings are unable to do it.

I don't think the point is that he got the book that she already had, the point is that he hasn't put any thought into today. He has shown that he is fully aware that Mother's Day is today by asking when it is and in that time, he could have made a card or spent some of his own money, even buying a bunch of daffodils, which would have cost him about a £1. It's a little act but shows appreciation

Maybe he did put thought into picking the book?

Kay_Peel

I would have been mortified to hear my son say to his dad: 'what have you bought for me to give to Mum?' and then go on to say that it wasn't his responsibility to buy cards or presents for his Mum. Conversations like that should be out of earshot of Mum - it's embarressing to hear that your DS doesn't care enough.

My two didn't have a father around to buy stuff for them to present to me. Even when they were small they made an effort - a homemade card, doing the washing up so that I could 'rest' and other thoughtful things that I look back on with happy memories. I felt appreciated and loved. Now, they live away but I'll still get a phonecall to say that they are thinking of me (I actively discourage them spending money on this day).

My heart goes out to you.

hitatotatus

I'll let the dust settle for a few days until I am not feeling so sensitive about it, then have a calm chat with him about the fact that he is now old enough to be expected to notice occasions such as birthdays, Christmas, mothers day, etc, and that whilst he does not have to spend his money on these unless he chooses to do, he can do other things to make people feel special, and that if he chooses not to do anything at all, this will be noticed by people who love him and they may feel upset by it, in the same way he would be upset not to get an Easter egg from us, or not so much as a birthday card from a family member on his birthday.

As some posters have said I do think it is a lesson that you need to learn when growing up that some occasions require you to put some thought and planning in, and I am sure his future girlfriends and wife will thank me for it, come Valentines and anniversaries!

:T Good plan and good for you for taking everyone's comments on board.

Zoetoes

OP how did you know that OH paid for the book and not the little lad?

ailuro2

I got a home made card from DD - she had made it at school.

I didn't get a present because I already have her - she is the best daughter I ever could have hoped for, and living with her every day means so much more than something bought from a shop.

She did want to buy me a book for my Kindle, but I said no, having her as a present is enough.

Here's hoping the next few years my sentiments are the same as she goes through the teen years, eh?

If your son is not loving and at least a little bit appreciative the rest of the year then perhaps you're right to remind him you're his Mum and expect a bit of effort from him just one day a year. Go on strike till he realises how great you are.;)
If he's normally a sweetie then forget it and count your blessings.

Nicki

Lunar Eclipse - both of those days sound lovely. I'd have been touched with either.

The discussion I planned with my son wasn't intended to be a spoilt brat, I don't like my gift, kind of talk or a I'm annoyed with you talk either. However I do think he is old enough to learn that what he says and does impacts on others, and that his conversation on Saturday in my presence was hurtful, and whilst he may have felt that way there was no need to say so in my hearing. Similarly I do not see the harm in pointing out to him that it is the thought which goes into these kind of occasions which means far more than the monetary value of any gift, and that a homemade card from him means far more than a signature on a card chosen and paid for by his dad.

If that makes me a bad parent, or cruel to him, then so be it, but at what age is it then appropriate to teach your children consideration for others feelings and thoughtfulness if not at age 11 when a situation has actually arisen which can be dealt with hopefully kindly. The whole point of leaving things for a few days is to take any heat out of the situation.

I would like to raise a child who will grow into a kind and sensitive adult. I would hate him to grow up to be the kind of husband who takes money out of his wife's purse to buy her flowers from the garage forecourt at 9pm on their wedding anniversary because he knows no better!

Nicki

Zoetoes wrote: »

OP how did you know that OH paid for the book and not the little lad?

Because we had taken all 3 kids to the bookshop to buy new books for them, and I heard my DH telling my son that he would buy a book for him to give me if DS went and chose it. I was in earshot though DH may not have realised that at the time. And when I asked DH this morning he confirmed my son hadn't given or offered anything towards it.

Zoetoes

Nicki wrote: »

Because we had taken all 3 kids to the bookshop to buy new books for them, and I heard my DH telling my son that he would buy a book for him to give me if DS went and chose it. I was in earshot though DH may not have realised that at the time. And when I asked DH this morning he confirmed my son hadn't given or offered anything towards it.

So your husband says things in front of you but he mustn't have realised yet your 11 year little boy does and he's selfish?

Also, why would you ask your husband if your son had paid anything towards it? I wouldn't dream of asking who paid what, I am just grateful for whatever I receive.

And I think by your son asking you to 'big him up' over the book he must sense that you're not happy with it or that you're not as grateful to him as you are to the other two.

I don't mean to sound like I'm pulling you apart as a mum, I'm not, but it does sound like you expect your son to have all the responsibility, he's still only 11.