At what age should children do mothers day?

Nicki

I think you have a good point there milliebear. He is quite polite and does do the thank you, sharing, taking turns things quite well, but he is not good at helping round the house, and he never seems to think about how what he says or does might impact on others. We do try to remind him about this but it is his blind spot. This is one of the reasons I had thought about discussing today with him, so he understands how he came across. Though I'm now having second thoughts about whether I should do so, based on some of the more recent posts. It is sometimes hard to know how to parent to bring them up as thoughtful adults.

Sublime_2

I wouldn't want my children spending anything on me for mothers day, but then they are very small. I got a lovely homemade card, plus a box of chocolates and a card from my daughter (really bought by their paternal grandparents), and my son made me this beautiful clay thingy, which he went on to break.

I would be upset without a card.

Zoetoes

What about maybe not saying anything this time and with him starting high school things might be different next year?

Dippypud

Nicki wrote: »

I am testing how I feel about the situation by asking other people's opinions. I'm not having the conversation with my DS or asking him to read the thread. Others have said they do or would feel hurt in the same situation, so I don't think the reaction itself is unfair. Whether I do anything about how I feel is a different question. At the moment I haven't and I thanked all 3 children for the gift when it was given, just felt a bit annoyed at lunch when DS started to go on about how brilliant he was for choosing the book, when I knew his dad had done all the priming and paying for it.

Does it make me a horrid person to discuss what happened anonymously and canvas views to get a perspective, even if DS knows nothing about this and never will? Can some things just not be discussed?

Nicki, I think your doing the right thing, waiting 'til the 'heat of the moment' has died down..

Don't let some other posters try to get a rise out of you, but making you doubt yourself. You know your family best.

I think it's a gender thing, girls mature sooner than boys and have more empathy with others, they are more aware of peoples feelings.
Boys need to have it pointed out to them...;) not matter how old they are.

You're a good mother, trust yourself.

Nicki wrote: »

I think you have a good point there milliebear. He is quite polite and does do the thank you, sharing, taking turns things quite well, but he is not good at helping round the house, and he never seems to think about how what he says or does might impact on others. We do try to remind him about this but it is his blind spot. This is one of the reasons I had thought about discussing today with him, so he understands how he came across. Though I'm now having second thoughts about whether I should do so, based on some of the more recent posts. It is sometimes hard to know how to parent to bring them up as thoughtful adults.

Mojisola

Nicki wrote: »

This is one of the reasons I had thought about discussing today with him, so he understands how he came across. Though I'm now having second thoughts about whether I should do so, based on some of the more recent posts. It is sometimes hard to know how to parent to bring them up as thoughtful adults.

How is he ever going to learn until his parents teach him? Of course you need to go through it with him.

This thread is running along much the same lines as an earlier one on Valentine's Day - some people feeling the day is of no importance and others wanting something done for them.

I think it's about what the other person thinks - if your OH wants something done on Valentine's Day, you should do it because you love them; if your Mum wants you do something special on Mother's Day, you should do it for her. Your son needs to realise that you want him to make an effort on Mother's Day and you're upset that he didn't. Other children whose mothers aren't bothered about the actual day can ignore it.

puddy

Im afraid Im another who thinks that your OH should have guided your son more. A few weeks ago, he should have been working with your son to ensure that son had been thinking about what he would do to make you smile today (if mothers day is a big thing in your house, its not in ours) and checked his plans over with him. That not only ensures that the right thing is done but gives the message to your son that this is how we do it in our family, mum would appreciate that. However, I too picked up the tone in some of your postings that there is a 'I do it for you, now you do it for me' mentality in the family and this may be where he is going wrong (sorry if that is incorrect).

shellsuit

This was the first year that my eldest 2 actually went out and bought cards for me with their own money. They're almost 15 and 13.

I don't give a stuff about Mother's Day and don't expect anything from them at all, so was over the moon with their cards. My husband did remind them earlier this week and bought me a few presents from them all.

My eldest put a tenner in my card to get myself something, the little love, but I gave him it back and said that the card was more than enough.

I didn't expect them to cook, or make me a drink, or tidy up today ~ just the same as every other day. I'm the Mum, the adult and the one at home who doesn't work (we have a toddler too) so they are my jobs.


I personally think you are being unfair on your son. I'm not going to go into the why's, just that he obviously isn't treated in the same way as his siblings so it's unfair to be cross with one of your children, even though the other 2 don't even come into it, as the eldest won't see it the same way as you do.

And as for the book. Your husband took it to the desk and paid for it. Why blame your son for not noticing that you already had it, but not your husband? He's the adult.

Lokolo

I went out and spent £60 on presents because I felt bad that I couldn't go home and see my mum!

Damn! I've been conned I think.

GlasweJen

There are 6 home made cards on our mantelpiece (5 from us kids and 1 from the grand kids). There are flowers, chocolates, vouchers for mums favourite shop, a teddy and a home made cake all here for mum. Tonight the whole family (5 of us plus mum and dad no grand kids or partners) went for dinner at mums favourite restaurant to spend time with mum.

As a family we don't have much money so it's unrealistic to think we could do this for mum on a random day during the year, we save up and arrange a gift for mothers day so that we all know what we need and how we can afford it. We do the same for fathers day even though dads birthday and fathers day are only days apart and sometimes on the same day.

We've always done this, always supported by the other parent until we were about 14ish, over the years we've bought frames for special photos, books mum wants, clothes, household things (always ones mum has expressed an interest in but wouldn't be able to afford herself) etc.

It's not about hallmark, commercialisation or anything else, it's about showing mum that we appreciate her as a mother and we spend the day making her feel special as she has spent almost 30 years raising us and a few flowers and a nice meal once a year is hardly any real effort.

If I was the OP I would feel disappointed too.

Derivative

GlasweJen wrote: »

It's not about hallmark, commercialisation or anything else.

The fact you choose Mother's Day and not another day is down to marketing at the end of the day. If not for it existing, you probably wouldn't have come up with the idea on your own.

I'm not saying it's bad or that there's anything wrong with treating mum nicely, I just find it strange people worry about getting the present on time, having everything set up on the day, etc. As if it matters if you do something this Sunday or just take your mum out for a nice meal any day of the year.