At what age should children do mothers day?

patchwork_cat

This might be considered sexist and maybe it has nothing to do with sex, but is just a coincidence, but IMO it is a boy thing. My brother never bothered/bothers with birthdays, mothers day, xmas etc. not really. My DS has only really started bothering as he has got older and I think his is motivated by my health and the fact that his little sister is much more into buying gifts adn it makes him feel guilty.

I would say it has really only been in the last couple if years that my DS has been motivated to think about presents of his own accord - he is nearly 18! He is sister though has been thinking about since about 7 or 8, although I always get a teddy and now have loads sitting on my chest of drawers gathering dust!(God help me if I so much as move them let alone put 1 away!)

Yes I blame your husband. It is the responsibility of the other parent to ensure that children have thought about gifts for mother's day, father's day, birthday, christmas.

I bet you make sure that the kids have thought about your OH's birthday etc.?

Agree with the cat - a few years ago my kids forgot to get me a birthday card and they were staying away with grandma, I was devasted and it really made them think. If you don't want to be emotional ask your DS how he would feel if you forgot or didn't bother with some day for him - perhaps Easter as it is so close, he didn't get any eggs because you thought someone else would do it.

nad1611

Whether it's unreasonable or not seems immaterial. You're feeling upset and I don't blame you. It's the one day in the year that you're hopefully going to be remembered and thanked for all you do throughout the year, without fail.

Personally I lead by example, From a very early age my husband would get the girls to do a card for me for Mothers Day and I would do the same on Fathers Day. Until such time when they were old enough to think of it themselves. I agree I actually don't expect anything which will cost them anything, it's not always possible for them. I actually prefer their own cards rather than shop bought.

I don't think you can help feeling a little sad when they do forget, I think the significance of Mothers Day never became so important to me, until after I had children of my own.

In your case I think it was probably more upsetting seeing your son debating if he should or shouldn't get you anything. Whilst talking to him about how you feel may work it may not and may just make you feel worse and upset him. The thing is kids don't always get it, but perhaps he responds in other ways during the year which might compensate, eitherway it doesn't mean he doesn't love you. Like many children he just hasn't seen your value yet.

zcrat41

Wow. I haven't read all of the posts but I wanted to say that I don't think its being unreasnoble at all.

What does strike me is the lack of respect your son has to have had the discussion with your OH in front of you. And the fact your OH didn't attempt to teach him it was wrong.

gingin_2

Is your son in year 6, Nicki? Mine is and has definitely been out of sorts the last few weeks, being a little bit rude and more thoughtless than usual. I wonder if there is a bit of pressure on as they have recently found out their senior school choices and they are also doing pretty intense work at ds's school in the build up to the SATs and its been a longer than usual term at school this year, so they are tired.

belfastgirl23

I don't understand, when you overheard your son and husband talking and your son was clearly saying that he couldn't be bothered (which is a pretty standard 11 year old answer IMHO) what did your husband say in response? The standard answer being something like 'your mum works really hard for you and your brother and sister and this is the day for you to say thank you by being nice to her and making/buying her a card and a nice present. I'm really disappointed in you for saying that and I really don't want to hear you say it again' or something similar.

IMHO it is not up to you to have the talk with your son, it's up to your DH.

Think about the reverse, if in the run up to fathers day your DS said something similar about his dad, would you shrug and say well it's up to you or would you have a bit of a talk with him?

You're absolutely right to be upset but I also think you're upset with the wrong person.

sock-knitter

i wouldnt be upset with the son, at the end of the day he is only 11 and doing his sats tests etc, it should have been your oh that should have thought it out better.
as a single mum, my lads have had no father in their lives since they were babies, and my mum has usually bought them a card and some daffodils or chocs. most years they have usually made a card at school also.
this year, my mum reminded them it was mothering sunday two weeks ago, so they had plenty of time to prepare, and still neither of them thought about a card, i wasnt bothered tho, they bought me some lovely wool, which as a knitter i love, and it was the first mothers day pressie they have bought me out of their own money, (they are 16 in a few days time)

chalkiesalem_2

I would be really upset, but mainly with your OH. He should of spoke to your son about it.

I got a lovely hand made card and a little hand made bag with chocolates in that my 5 year old son did at school. I also got a lovely bought card that the OH did with my son on moonpig and a lovely tigger teddy holding a heart.

The part that ment the most though was when i was half asleep (i was attempting to have a lie in:rotfl:) and i heard my son say to his dad 'if i say I love you will she still hear me if she is asleep' needless to say that got me up out of bed

onlyroz

I hate the assumption that people must "do" Mother's Day, or they are some sort of evil person who doesn't love their mum. It surely means much less if you do something out of a sense of obligation, rather than a genuine love for your mum?

KiKi

I also understand why you're hurt and think that at 11 he can put some effort in.

But I also agree that he has to be taught this. Up until now dad has bought the present, and he's probably had the opportunity to make cards at school. Now he hits 11 and he's all of a sudden expected to have thought to make you a cup of tea, make you a card, and get a book that he didn't realise you already had? I don't know where you expect to have suddenly come up with all those ideas - or, more to the point, to have learnt it if he hasn't been told.

Your OH should have said that it was Mothering Sunday, and explained what the expectations are. Then he knows what to do. And as it's the first year you expected him to do something, it would have been helpful for him to have had ideas from your OH rather than guessing himself.

It's unreasonable to expect him to come up with those ideas on his own when he's never had to before. The fact that your DD did is because she made the card at school - if she hadn't, you wouldn't have gotten anything from her, either. It's not fair to compare the two kids.

You need to speak to your OH, and let him talk to your son about expectations on Mothering Sunday - but by all means back it up with a conversation about what's expected from him at Christmas and birthdays. It's a really tricky time for kids - they have *some* independence and money, but they can't be expected to buy gifts for everyone, so you need to tell them the boundaries so they understand how to work within them.

Hope it gets better!
KiKi

tesuhoha

My son is 22 and he never mentions Mothers Day, hasnt done for years. The thing that really annoys me is that he always used to ask me to lend him money to buy his dad a present on Fathers Day but last year he didn't remember that either.

My daughter always thinks of me and gets me something. She was away for the weekend but texted me Happy MD and said she would give me my present on Monday.