How can I ensure my stepsons don't get a penny from my will?

Jerryjerryjerry

Its so worrying and could have some serious implications for people from now on. Thank you to those who understand where i'm coming from and to those who don't.... well, that's life.

I guess we live in an age where the workshy are paid to stay at home. Granted, they don't get a great deal on the dole, but they seem to have more money in their pockets than those that work.

When I was growing up I was taught that if you want anything, work for it.

I simply can't bear the thought of having scrimped and saved, worked hard, never worn designer clothes, never been to exotic locations on holiday, apart from my honeymoon, never go out, never eat out, even when we go to the cinema (free tickets from this site), we eat afterwards, at home, we take sandwiches EVERY day for work, we NEVER go even to Burger King (one of my favourite treats) unless there is a two for one offer on and its probably once a year. We don't have any Sky sports or Film package, even though my husband is a sports fanatic and we both LOVE films, we wouldn't dream of ever getting a taxi. We both share a car (i'm always suggesting we sell it and get buses, but still working on it), Never could I go to a coffee shop like Starbucks and justify paying £2.50 or whatever it is for a coffee..(Blimey, you can buy a whole jar for that!) I went recently because my boss was paying and I considered it such a treat! He gets coffee from there all the time. If only he knew, I hadn't been in a coffee shop for two years!

We never throw anything out. We buy our clothes from charity shops, we buy huge bags of potatoes and make them last. We buy bags of onions and keep them in the garage. I have an ISA account and regularly save a minimal amount in there.

We have a good life though.. it may not be glam but there's nothing better than the three of us, me my husband and my dog walking to the park and running around after him chasing balls and its free!

So how can I be expected to subsidize a man of 22 whom I've known for two years whose attitude is such that he hasn't tried for his driving test coz dad and step mum can give them lifts, or any other mug with a driving licence and a car full of expensive petrol. Who goes off to Macdonalds and other fast food joints for treats two or three times a week, buys marajuana, and booze with his dole money and has regular nights out and pays no rent, bills, and simply sponges off his gran's pension? His gran's pension, coz his own mother threw him out for being a lazy scrounger.

Who could have any respect for a man like that?

Jerryjerryjerry

lilac_lady wrote: »

JJJ - run like the wind! (from your husband AND his sons.) You don't seem happy and life is too short to stay like that.

I've thought about it a lot over the last few weeks. But I don't want to run away from this. My husband is actually a very sweet, caring man. Granted this whole situation is putting a lot of distance and resentment between us but I'm not going to end this marriage that easily. I am not a quitter. There is a part of me that thinks I ought to give the marriage a bit longer than two years. I've had boyfriends longer than that!

Jerryjerryjerry

Tuesday_Tenor wrote: »

Yes, indeed. There doesn't seem to have been any claim made that Mrs. Jackson was not of sound mind when she wrote the will.
Exactly. That's the usual excuse they go for.
She also left a separate letter explaining her reasons for not including her estranged daughter, which removes any doubt as to her intentions.
I know. Shocking that that letter probably cost her £50 and it meant absolutely nothing.
The final ruling seems to introduce some 'rights' of the daughter to at least part of her mother's estate; rights which have not, till now, existed in the law in England and Wales! Very disturbing.
VERY disturbing, I agree.
I think the OP has been reassured that step-children have no rights to her estate and she has been told how she can limit what might pass to them through her husband.

Yes, indeed. Thank you.

Having read the article now, though, I can understand why the OP was concerned. It is a very strange way to go about changing established law. If children are starting to be given such rights (as in Scotland), could the same happen for step-children, at some point in the future? VERY, VERY UNLIKELY,OP, I wouldn't worry about it, beyond implementing the measures already discussed.
Thank you.
But I do understand how the article raised concerns. I could hardly believe it!

Disturbing. Yes. Thank you for your response.

Jerryjerryjerry

Gothicfairy wrote: »

There is nothing more to say really is there from this.

Write your will and say clearly that you don't want your husbands children to get anything, not much else you can do I would think (and I am sure that is what my step mother has done)
Why don't you earn your own money? There is nothing more vulgar than a person wondering whether their mother/father/stepfather/aunt/uncle/great aunt/grandmother has left them something in their will!!!! Pray they live a long time and enjoy their life. Spend your time making their twilight years comfortable and happy, as you would wish others to do for you. Imagine being at death's door and having step children wondering when you're going to pop your clogs so that they can get that new car they had their eye on!

Money left in a Will by a relative or anybody else is A GIFT! it should NEVER be an expectation or a demand or a right!!!!!

and to answer your question about my situation, birth mothers are not all they are cracked up to be sometimes.

I'm sorry to hear that. That's very sad. However, you can make your own life. You can earn your own living and hold your head up. You don't need someone eles's money.

Savvy_Sue

Jerryjerryjerry wrote: »

We are tenants in common. I sorted that out when we bought this house. So if I were to die, I could give my half share of the house to an animal sanctury? Would my husband, if he was still alive, have to sell up or could he continue living in the house till he died.. then would the house get sold and my share get sent to an animal charity? And his share would go to his sons?

Jerryjerryjerry wrote: »

This sounds fine. However, as my husband has his mother's house to go to, I could easily ask him to sell the house upon my death.

That's the situation at the moment. However, have you considered what the situation might be at the time of your death? Your MIL may have died, your stepson may have married, all the boys might have moved in with her - any combination of the above!

Plus there have been other cases where charities have pressured grieving beneficiaries to sell a home as quickly as possible, or borrow money to pay the bequest before the home is sold.

You need proper advice. Personally I'd look for a STEP solicitor for this. You may not be able to stop them contesting the will, but you can take steps to make their claim less likely to succeed.

Plans_all_plans

"Spend your time making their twilight years comfortable and happy, as you would wish others to do for you." Imagine being at death's door and having step children wondering when you're going to pop your clogs so that they can get that new car they had their eye on!

Given the contempt you hold your step children in, I doubt very much they'll be coming anywhere near you in your twilight years.

Jerryjerryjerry

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

"Spend your time making their twilight years comfortable and happy, as you would wish others to do for you." Imagine being at death's door and having step children wondering when you're going to pop your clogs so that they can get that new car they had their eye on!

Given the contempt you hold your step children in, I doubt very much they'll be coming anywhere near you in your twilight years.

Why would I want someone else's children helping me in my twighlight years? If someone wants to help me, they can, however, how vulgar is it, to do it for a monetary reward when they die?

I spent the last 10 years of my life looking after my grandmother. I expected nothing and got nothing upon her death except a scarf that I took which smelt of her. I didn't get a penny from her death. I was offered some of her jewellery, but I couldn't bear to take it. I refused. I took an old scarf instead. My conscience is clear. I'm not interested in your's.. All im interested in, is how I've lived my life. Not taking... and I want to end it, with the same courtesy.. don't take from me..

I must be allowed to choose who I leave my money to. When that is comprised, as it has been this week, then that's the last taboo.. we've killed everything this country ever stood for.

I am not the sort of person who would wish to benefit from anybody's death so why should anybody (least of all someone I can't stand, benefit from mine?)

I already know I wont have someone visiting me, and looking after me when i'm old... I didn't have children remember?

thatgirlsam

I am very sorry but it does seem to be you who is utterly obsessed with money..

Most of us would much rather have our relatives here than their money - you seem to be the one obsessing over money

Jerryjerryjerry

thatgirlsam wrote: »

I am very sorry but it does seem to be you who is utterly obsessed with money..

Most of us would much rather have our relatives here than their money - you seem to be the one obsessing over money

If this post is aimed at me, then I think its totally unfair. I didn't work for 24 years to then later meet someone whose children might want a share of MY years of hard work. I wish to leave my money to a dog's charity and to ensure that that actually happens. How hard is that to understand?

Plans_all_plans

I think we are going to have to agree to disagree as our worldview's are very different.

I fear that you could be missing out on a good relationship with your step children in future (if they mature and become responsible) if you write them off now is all.

What I don't understand is why you wouldn't want someone to visit you in your dotage, if a good relationship could develop with your stepchildren? It seems to me like you could be cutting your nose off to spite your face. It's not about the inheritance to me: you should leave your money to whatever cause you choose, it's about the potential for a good relationship. I think that, given what you've said, even if the stepchildren were world-renowned professors, you still wouldn't want too much of a relationship with them.

I'll leave the thread now though as we are all different, who think of relationships in different ways. Best of luck with everything OP.