How can I ensure my stepsons don't get a penny from my will?

Jerryjerryjerry

wannaberich81 wrote: »

My mum was recently killed in a car accident and had left no will, i hope for mine, my sisters and our childrens sake our step-father isnt as selfish as you

I hope for your sake you haven't treated your step father with contempt and rudeness.

joolsybools

Back on topic, it's wise of you to consider your will, but it sounds to me like it's not really dealing with the real issue. Sorry to be harsh, but it's true. Maybe you would all be better off if the step-son was booted out? It might give him a bit of a reality check.

Jerryjerryjerry

Newly_retired wrote: »

You can absolutely leave your money to whoever you choose.
It's not for no reason that step children have no rights in law.

This is such a huge relief. Thank you.

Jerryjerryjerry

joolsybools wrote: »

Back on topic, it's wise of you to consider your will, but it sounds to me like it's not really dealing with the real issue. Sorry to be harsh, but it's true. Maybe you would all be better off if the step-son was booted out? It might give him a bit of a reality check.

I'd love to boot him out, but he lives with his gran. If his gran is prepared to "carry" him, that's fine with me. Just as long as I don't have to.

consultant31

Jerryjerryjerry wrote: »

I'll give you an example. Last year, I spent £100 on presents for the eldest.
£100 is a lot of money. I don't expect thanks. But when I handed the presents over, he pointed to the sofa, and said leave them there - I'll deal with them later. I wont ever forget the tone he used with me in front of the rest of the family.

He didn't touch the present till later on in the evening. I was quite hurt.

He is very rude in his attitude and thinks he's a gangster of some sort. Its not my cup of tea. I don't like his language and I don't like the way he talks. Its very very hard to have a civlised conversation with him. However, I wont give up trying, and I will always be polite and cook for him on sundays etc... when I have to... but I can't imagine ever loving him.

You should expect thanks - he's 22 for goodness sake not 2 - for that matter my grandson, who is two, is prompted to say thank you if he's given anything.

See, I would give up trying after two years. This is not a child you're dealing with. If he's ignorant and rude at the age of 22, why would he suddenly change? I'd be polite but as for spending money on him.....no chance.

consultant31

wannaberich81 wrote: »

are you for real???? why shouldnt they?

I think maybe your user-name says it all.

The step-children in question (apart from the 12 year-old) are of an age to work. If they want money why shouldn't they earn it like everyone else?

Jerryjerryjerry

Gigglepig wrote: »

Wel.... it is entirely normal to buy presents for family members so it is what is expected of you. It sounds almost a bit petty to resent buying family members a present?



I understand that none of this is easy for you, however it is quite normal for young adults to be a bit rude to their family members. So you can hardly expect that they'd never say anything offensive or that you'd never have arguments? It is also entirely normal to help even grown kids financially with for example driving lessons.



It sounds really odd to write off ones kids like that. Once you have them there is no going back. Surely one would expect any decent guy to try to have more contact with his kids when they grew up and he could have a relationship with them independently of their IH?

You say that you are polite, but you seem to have a very negative attitude towards your stepson which he can probably tell. He may have his own issues that he is struggling with.



Given the circumstances here, no wonder the kids may have a strained relationship with their dad. It is hardly unusual that young adults ask their parents for money. You come across as quite aggressive too and perhaps you should direct the anger and disappointment with your OH (and yourself for marrying someone with a family?) rather than at his sons. As long as you have this attitude to them your relationship with them is unlikely to improve, so it is in your own best interest to change what you can change i.e. what you think and do.



If you married, presumably it is not YOUR money but "OUR" money?

I'm wondering if you have actually READ my posts? I am not going to repeat myself.

I will say, that since I turned 18, I didn't take a penny from my parents and I did nothing but give to THEM. I'm grateful my parents looked after me until the age of 18, but I truly believe each person has the right to a cut off point.

I chose to be independant when I turned 18. I choose not to look after my husband's son financially as he is over 18. Two of them are.

I don't have a problem with my husband paying for his youngest up until he's 18. He's 14 now. He was 12 when we married.

Jerryjerryjerry

consultant31 wrote: »

I think maybe your user-name says it all.

The step-children in question (apart from the 12 year-old) are of an age to work. If they want money why shouldn't they earn it like everyone else?

I agree with the username bit. My stepson has delusions of grandeur. He spends his dole money on drugs and McDonalds while we go searching in Asda an hour before closing, for bargains. We never go out.

I resent us paying for his food when he spends his dole money the way he does. Anybody would.

Gothicfairy

Money aside...This is so sad

I had a step mother from being 12, I tried hard to be the perfect daughter but my life before that was not easy and I struggled with having a mother. However we were never nasty to each other etc
My father passed away last year and I have now been totally cut off by my step family. So 20 odd years later I am worth less then I started with in their eyes although I have done nothing wrong.

I would kill for a mother who loved me and for a family but as it is I get to make my way in the world alone ( have hubby but that is it) please please try to make this work, leave them nothing in your will by all means but try and make a family and a happy home as that will be worth more then any money in the long term.

Jerryjerryjerry

consultant31 wrote: »

You should expect thanks - he's 22 for goodness sake not 2 - for that matter my grandson, who is two, is prompted to say thank you if he's given anything.

See, I would give up trying after two years. This is not a child you're dealing with. If he's ignorant and rude at the age of 22, why would he suddenly change? I'd be polite but as for spending money on him.....no chance.

Thank you. I must admit, after two years of trying to be polite, and always turning the other way and not saying anything when he's rude, its reached the point where I just don't want to see him any more.

I think this is why I got so upset when I read about that old lady in the paper yesterday. Even in death she wasn't able to - by the laws of this land, stipulate and choose where her money went.

I suddenly thought.. my god.. my dreadful step sons could get all my money. But thanks to this message board and most of the people who have been so helpful, my mind is a lot more at rest. Knowing that his sons wont see a penny of MY money. They are very welcome to my husband's.

I'm like Billy Piper. If I divorce, I will walk out of the marriage with exactly what I put in, not a penny more, or less. I 'm not interested in anybody else's money.... so why should anybody be interested in mine?

Phew. This is better than therapy! :T