How can I ensure my stepsons don't get a penny from my will?

swingaloo

Wow!!!!!

So much bitterness in the OPs postings.
Dosnt want to build a relationship with his children.
Married the man, not the family etc.

No wonder they have an attitude. Im not saying they are right to be workshy and rude but we are talking about people who have possibly had a very difficult upbringing and now there is a chance to make things right with dad he brings this bitter woman into thier lifes. You clearly expect them to be grateful and show you respect when you have no intention of even giving them a chance. They will have picked up on your animosity and will be reacting to it. You reap what you sow.

You should never have got married, there is obviously no trust between you and your husband. You do not marry a man with children and expect to live life as if they dont exist.

No wonder you would wish to leave your money to an animal charity, you clearly are not a 'people person'. Even though he cant have been straight with you before you married, I feel so sorry for your husband.

I think for all your sakes you would be better divorcing.

POPPYOSCAR

What right has anybody got to tell the Op she should be divorcing.


I have a great relationship with my step-children and I will be leaving them some of my/our money but I recognize that not everyone has a good relationship like this.

It must be hard for her for these children to have suddenly come into her life,and by the sound of things I would find it hard to like my own children if they were anything like the Op describes!!!!

Everyones marriage/relationship is different and everyone views their money situation differently, does not mean they are awful people.

thatgirlsam

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

What right has anybody got to tell the Op she should be divorcing.


I have a great relationship with my step-children and I will be leaving them some of my/our money but I recognize that not everyone has a good relationship like this.

It must be hard for her for these children to have suddenly come into her life,and by the sound of things I would find it hard to like my own children if they were anything like the Op describes!!!!

Everyones marriage/relationship is different and everyone views their money situation differently, does not mean they are awful people.

But you have said you have love for your step children - thats far more important than any money you may or may not leave them

From your love for them you will probably help them in more ways than you know

Totally different situation if you ask me

I think the OP sounds terribly unhappy

swingaloo

Im basing my comments on things the Op has said.

She says she 'married the man- not the family'. She clearly isnt willing to open herself up to the thought that they may mature and change in time. They are his children, how must he feel knowing that the most important people in his life are behaving like this to each other. He must be completly torn.

By her own admission, her husband misled her before the marriage. She dosnt want to leave her money to her husband either. What sort of marriage is that?

POPPYOSCAR

thatgirlsam wrote: »

But you have said you have love for your step children - thats far more important than any money you may or may not leave them

From your love for them you will probably help them in more ways than you know

Totally different situation if you ask me

I think the OP sounds terribly unhappy

Yes I love my step-children with all of my heart and I do as much as I possibly can for them but they make it easy for me to love them as they treat me as a second mum but I know it is not like that for every step-mum and after all they have suddenly come into her life and they don't sound very nice, this must be a strain on her marriage.

Money_maker

Probably that of the fiercely independent who didn't get married until 40. Unfortunately, at this age there is usually a previous relationship/marriage and possibly children in the wings. OP has been on her own for a long time and cannot conceive why she must give the benefits of her pre-marital life to these stepchildren.

Which I would agree with. I would, however, try to build a relationship but obviously she cannot dictate to them and it appears that the absence of the father for a couple of years means he wont give them a boot where they need it for fear of upsetting the boat.

I still remain suspicious about whether her OH knew one of the boys would turn up at the wedding.

thatgirlsam

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Yes I love my step-children with all of my heart and I do as much as I possibly can for them but they make it easy for me to love them as they treat me as a second mum but I know it is not like that for every step-mum and after all they have suddenly come into her life and they don't sound very nice, this must be a strain on her marriage.

But don't you agree that its probablt your effort and your attitude towards them that has brought this about?

I do know what you are saying.. step parenting can bring about lots of problems but so do all families from time to time

I think loving families try to resolve problems

I just think the OP's husband could end up feeling really disrespected from her attitude towards his sons

And i don't think the OP should HAVE to leave them any money at all!

It just all seems a little spiteful from what has been posted so far

thatgirlsam

Money_maker wrote: »

Probably that of the fiercely independent who didn't get married until 40. Unfortunately, at this age there is usually a previous relationship/marriage and possibly children in the wings. OP has been on her own for a long time and cannot conceive why she must give the benefits of her pre-marital life to these stepchildren.

Which I would agree with. I would, however, try to build a relationship but obviously she cannot dictate to them and it appears that the absence of the father for a couple of years means he wont give them a boot where they need it for fear of upsetting the boat.

I still remain suspicious about whether her OH knew one of the boys would turn up at the wedding.

Why were they not invited to the wedding??

They may be feeling really bitter about this!

POPPYOSCAR

swingaloo wrote: »

Im basing my comments on things the Op has said.

She says she 'married the man- not the family'. She clearly isnt willing to open herself up to the thought that they may mature and change in time. They are his children, how must he feel knowing that the most important people in his life are behaving like this to each other. He must be completly torn.

By her own admission, her husband misled her before the marriage. She dosnt want to leave her money to her husband either. What sort of marriage is that?

I agree this would not work for me ,and my Oh trusts me that if he goes first I will see the kids alright and I will .However, every relationship is different and I see this from friends and family. For example, I have a friend who is married to a man that I would have throttled by now and all their finances are separate but it works for them in their own way, although she never seems happy and is always moaning ,but she would never leave him in a million years and if she did I think she would fall apart.

dzug1

There's a problem that has been overlooked so far - the step child(ren) are by the sounds of it financially dependent on OP. That means they have a right to apply to the court for reasonable provision from her estate, and that the court can decide on what that reasonable provision shall be. Which could be from nothing upwards.

Their being only 'step' children is irrelevant - any person being wholly or partly maintained by the deceased at the time of has the right to make such an application. The success rate might not be high - but it's there.