How can I ensure my stepsons don't get a penny from my will?

POPPYOSCAR

thatgirlsam wrote: »

But don't you agree that its probablt your effort and your attitude towards them that has brought this about?

I do know what you are saying.. step parenting can bring about lots of problems but so do all families from time to time

I think loving families try to resolve problems

I just think the OP's husband could end up feeling really disrespected from her attitude towards his sons

And i don't think the OP should HAVE to leave them any money at all!

It just all seems a little spiteful from what has been posted so far

By the sound of things she may not be getting the support from her husband that she feels she should be getting.I have had fantastic support from my OH in all aspects of life with our(his) children.So perhaps part of her attitude is to do with his?

Money_maker

thatgirlsam wrote: »

Why were they not invited to the wedding??

They may be feeling really bitter about this!

OP hasn't explained if they were or weren't. She thought that her OH had not been in touch with his children. Maybe he did invite them or maybe his ex gave them a tip-off as apparently she threw the eldest out on the same day.

I don't know if this is feasible or not but perhaps OP could meet the ex (doesn't sound like she has already) and if they could unite together to motivate and sort the children out. Just thinking aloud as I know it wouldn't necessary work in many situations. But you have to throw a few ideas into the ring.

*max*

Money_maker wrote: »

I don't know if this is feasible or not but perhaps OP could meet the ex (doesn't sound like she has already) and if they could unite together to motivate and sort the children out. Just thinking aloud as I know it wouldn't necessary work in many situations. But you have to throw a few ideas into the ring.

I really don't think she's interested in trying to help them at all, tbh. Clearly, she has written them off as bad seeds and just wishes they didn't exist.

Savvy_Sue

Money_maker wrote: »

I still remain suspicious about whether her OH knew one of the boys would turn up at the wedding.

And it must have been a bit of a shock to discover that one of them was planning to move in with her, her new DH, and her new MIL ... it's a lot for anyone to cope with!

Although I might have said "no". Actually I'd have said 'no' to the idea of going to live with my new MIL, much as I love her, and DH would DEFINITELY have vetoed living with HIS MIL.

However, DH knew a couple who married in the UK: one had been an overseas student here and the other was a Brit who had never visited the other country / met the other family etc.

After marriage they went to live in the other country. Only then did the Brit discover that the other one had a dog at 'home', which had always slept on the bed. I think the Brit knew about the dog, just not how close the relationship between dog and spouse was.

The Brit was not keen to share the marital bed with the dog as well as the new spouse, but was clearly told "It's me or the dog." After one night on the settee, the Brit gave in ...

It had never occurred to the Brit to enquire about the dog's sleeping habits, and it had never occurred to the spouse to explain them.

skypie123_2

OP you come across as a really sad, bitter individual who when your husband sees you for what you clearly are will end up alone anyway. So this is all a moot point.
You're obsessing about what will happen to your 'hard earned money'. You don't even really earn that much, certainly not enough for all this obsession!
I wonder why you'd even bother getting married as you seem way too self-absorbed to even share yourself with another.
I pity these poor children having you in their life and foresee a long and lonely life ahead for you!

catfish50

*max* wrote: »

I really don't think she's interested in trying to help them at all, tbh. Clearly, she has written them off as bad seeds and just wishes they didn't exist.

I think many new spouses probably wish their partner's previous family didn't exist. I don't think this thread is about money.

I've seen it from both sides. Been stepparent to two small confused little ones. Been a parent watching my teenagers struggling to come to terms with the breakup of their home and being presented with a stranger as their father's wife.

Made it through the first scenario, mainly because even though I didn't have a clue about children, my stepchildren were so tiny, and so unhappy, and so obviously the innocent parties, they awakened my sympathy and we were able to learn to love each other.

Much harder in the second scenario, with teenage children. They have complicated feelings. They're too old to be able to love a new person just because she spends £100 on presents. They have problems of their own, which the new stepmother has no interest or insight into. They may feel if they were to accept the stepmother it would be disloyal to their own mother. They may be angry at their dad. It's a situation from hell. And it's a situation that was created by the adults, not the children.

wannaberich81

consultant31 wrote: »

I think maybe your user-name says it all.

The step-children in question (apart from the 12 year-old) are of an age to work. If they want money why shouldn't they earn it like everyone else?

are you a selfish step parent too???

wannaberich81

Jerryjerryjerry wrote: »

I hope for your sake you haven't treated your step father with contempt and rudeness.

you quite obviously have no children of your own, your posts are bitter and heartless. shame on you

wannaberich81

Jerryjerryjerry wrote: »

From your posts, I bet you're probably hoping to benefit from your parent's hard work.

one of my parents are dead and the other works in iraq for 6 months of the year. and yes, when he gets home he spoils all of his children/grandchildren and STEPCHILDREN rotten. because isnt that what lifes all about? fun and happiness?? acceptance of diverse families??? your stuck in your own bubble of boredom love. get a life and stop worrying about what happens to your money when you die, what a watse of time......

Jerryjerryjerry

Hi there. I apologise for going on a bit last night. I had 3 glasses of wine and should know not to post things when tipsy. I am slightly embarassed at the way i've portrayed myself as a hard worker, who never goes out... bla bla bla. I know many people who are a lot worse off than me.

I have read all the comments and appreciate all of them. I guess I must come accross as a cold hard ice queen. All comments have been noted with interest.