How can I ensure my stepsons don't get a penny from my will?

ceridwen

Jerryjerryjerry wrote: »

Yes. I would like to leave everything I leave behind to an animal charity. I wouldn't wish to leave my husband anything.

I am guessing that you don't wish to leave your husband anything because you are angry with him for unexpectedly assuming that one of his adult children will live with you?? He certainly didnt play fair with you on that one ...'tis true. He should have asked your opinion as to whether this was agreeable to you - and, if it wasnt, then accepted that it would not be possible for that to happen.

I guess you have two options basically here:
- make it plain to your husband that all major decisions are to be mutual ones (and that applies retrospectively to his decision to allow one of his adult children to come and live with you unexpectedly)

and if he doesnt accept that decisions that are meant to be made by you both WILL in future be made by you both and this decision of his will be revisited for MUTUAL discussion

- then the other option is that I wonder whether its worth being married to him. I certainly wouldnt want to be married to someone who made what should be a mutual decision on their own.


**********

So I would say it boils down to making it plain to hubby that joint decisions will be made by you both or its not worth pursuing the marriage any further. Or, if you decide to stay married to him despite his "solo" decision-making, then perhaps you could consider a legal arrangement that means he will only receive your share of the house "on loan" to live in until he dies or sells the house (whichever comes first).

I have known of this happening twice before now. Once when a husband left the house to his wife on a "live in until you die" basis. Once when a man married his second wife and wanted to leave his house on to his children after his second wife died.

So - it is possible to leave the whole of a house ownership on that basis - so I would imagine it is possible to leave half a house ownership on that basis (though that may be subject to what sort of ownership basis you have with your husband - be it "tenants in common" or "joint tenants").

Sambucus_Nigra

JJJ - the only thing I can say is that if your step kids DID get a share of any money left over; rest assured that the actual money would go pretty soon, thus keeping hardworking people in a job, and their families and animals fed through the supply chain.

I totally agree with you incidentally. I hope that the situation may not arise as the adult children may one day grow up and take responsibility for their own actions. Yes, I'm probably barking up a tree but we can only hope.

aloise

If you are tenants in common you can leave your share of your house to anybody you want to.And Get separate accounts if you feel so strongly about it.
The kids sound like typical kids today, they could probably sound off about a lot of issues themselves.
They must have had a bad time, and not to be invited to their dad's wedding is dreadful.
If you take up with a man with history you should expect some pitfalls, it's a 2 way street here. Both have to make an effort, but mostly the stepmother.

Sambucus_Nigra

aloise wrote: »

If you take up with a man with history you should expect some pitfalls, it's a 2 way street here. Both have to make an effort, but mostly the stepmother.

Did you mean Evil stepmother? As obviously - it's all her fault.

[Why exactly does the stepmother have to make most of the effort, ever? Please expand.]

catfish50

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

[Why exactly does the stepmother have to make most of the effort, ever? Please expand.]

Only if she wants to stay in the relationship. If she wants it to work, she needs to get along with her stepchildren, because they're always going to be his children, but she's not necessarily always going to be his wife.

Jinx

I think the OP is very sensible to get this issue sorted out as its the sort of thing that doesnt get resolved and causes a big expensive mess right when everyone is in a state anyway....

I think this is an issue most step families have to consider - my friend remarried and now they have 4 grown up sons between them. She understandably wants her money from her hard work and her house where they live (and she maintains) to her 2 children because her stepsons will benefit from both their mum and their dad so she feels to get from her too gives them an unfair advantage so to speak. Its clearly an emotive issue though, her hubby thinks all 4 children will inherit my friends house but shes had her will done so only her 2 will. The fallout may be huge!

That aside, I wouldnt want my hard earned cash to go to anyone who is work shy and think the world owes them a living, especially if it would be squandered on drink/drugs/dossing around.

In this situation, if I were the OP Id get some good legal advice and draft my will that my hubby gets life rent of the house and following his death all my assets went to charity-especially following decades of marriage, wouldnt want him homeless. The step children will inheirit assets (or nothing!) from their own mum and dad.

Sambucus_Nigra

catfish50 wrote: »

Only if she wants to stay in the relationship. If she wants it to work, she needs to get along with her stepchildren, because they're always going to be his children, but she's not necessarily always going to be his wife.

What if HE wants to stay in the relationship? What if HE wants it to work? Why is HE not making most effort to make sure that the woman HE has married and the kids that HE has fathered integrate?

Blaming step mothers for everything is a cop out. The common denominator is the person whose 2 lives should be meeting in the middle, it's them that should pull their finger out and make some effort.

catfish50

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

What if HE wants to stay in the relationship? What if HE wants it to work? Why is HE not making most effort to make sure that the woman HE has married and the kids that HE has fathered integrate?

Blaming step mothers for everything is a cop out. The common denominator is the person whose 2 lives should be meeting in the middle, it's them that should pull their finger out and make some effort.

It's the outcome that matters, not deciding who to blame.

gozaimasu

Jerryjerryjerry wrote: »

Its so worrying........have any respect for a man like that?

I would quote all of your post if it wasn't so long because I really identify with a lot of the things you said. I completely understand how it feels to be on a wage where you can only ever afford the basics, yet always longing for luxuries or the chance to go out somewhere without having to use a voucher. I hear colleagues chat casually about how they "almost bought a car" and other such expensive items (BMWs, Landrovers etc) and wish I could be in a position where I could afford to buy even a basic car in the first place, let alone a good one that costs thousands of pounds.

I think you can be resassured that your stepsons aren't going to get any of your money, providing you leave it all to the charities. Any proceeds from assets can be dealt with in a trust, leaving provision for your husband but none for his children when he's gone.

Sambucus_Nigra

catfish50 wrote: »

It's the outcome that matters, not deciding who to blame.

Hello. I didn't say it was.

I was asking eloise why s/he said Both have to make an effort, but mostly the stepmother.