How can I ensure my stepsons don't get a penny from my will?

Jerryjerryjerry

Max, its not about the money. Its about happiness. My husband and I are very happy. However, the problems with his family are creating so much friction and resentment between us its becomming unbearable.

Its go to the point when i dread coming home at night from work. I try to stay at work as long as possible.

I would never try to split my husband up from his children.. even though i've never had any, I know enough to know that that bond is sacred and not one to be broken by anybody. Therefore, i'd rather walk away.

If I'd known this was how it was going to be, I'd never have considred marrying him.

But hindsight is a wonderful thing isn't it?

I shouldn't have married in the first place to be honest. That's what I'm thinking right now. Its very sad, coz I spent all my life waiting for that lifelong partner, and then it seems to be more or less over in two years!

Jerryjerryjerry

While we are here, can I also add (and I know it would have been prudent to mention these things at the beginning), there are also two other MAJOR things my husband failed to tell me at time of marriage.

He didn't tell me he'd had a vascectomy. I pretend I don't want children... but the truth is... I would have loved a child. I have longed for a child so long and I waited till I'd got married. I thought id never get married so i'd written having children off. I resent very much that I can't have my own children. We have talked about reversal of his operation but he never seems to want to do something about it.
Also, he told me he was owed some money (for his share of the deposit for the house), and it turns out, he remortgaged his mother's house to get the 30k to put down as his share of the deposit on our house.

There has been too much deceipt in our marriage (and its not even really begun), to really give us much of a future. He says he loves me, but well, there have been far too many lies. It seems that he lied, lied, lied to get me to marry him. What a fool i've been?

I have a feeling i'm going to have to go against everything I believe in, and contact my lawyer, NOT to sort out my will, but to be rid of this man and his baggage.

Fang_3

Jerryjerryjerry wrote: »

While we are here, can I also add (and I know it would have been prudent to mention these things at the beginning), there are also two other MAJOR things my husband failed to tell me at time of marriage.

He didn't tell me he'd had a vascectomy. I pretend I don't want children... but the truth is... I would have loved a child. I have longed for a child so long and I waited till I'd got married. I thought id never get married so i'd written having children off. I resent very much that I can't have my own children. We have talked about reversal of his operation but he never seems to want to do something about it.
Also, he told me he was owed some money (for his share of the deposit for the house), and it turns out, he remortgaged his mother's house to get the 30k to put down as his share of the deposit on our house.

There has been too much deceipt in our marriage (and its not even really begun), to really give us much of a future. He says he loves me, but well, there have been far too many lies. It seems that he lied, lied, lied to get me to marry him. What a fool i've been?

I have a feeling i'm going to have to go against everything I believe in, and contact my lawyer, NOT to sort out my will, but to be rid of this man and his baggage.

Who'd have thought a relationship based on lies would fail?! Well I for one am shocked.

hcb42

Jerryjerryjerry wrote: »

I have never wanted children. Ok, I married a man with children, however, he ensured me time and time again that they were out of his life. Ok.. they're back.. that's fine.. I want him to be happy.. and I want his children to be happy. However, if they can be happy without me being involved, that would be great. But I would prefer to be left out of their lives. If this doesn't work... then divorce might be the only option. No problem there at all. I'm quite happy to walk away ... but I will go with what I came into the marriage with.

This was extremely naive, people don't just disappear for ever, perhaps for everyone's sake, a split as you talk about is indeed the best thing

Jerryjerryjerry

The sad thing is, after two whole years, its fast approaching the point that I'd rather walk away than have to spend five minutes in the company of my husband's sons or his mother.

If my husband can live with the fact that I don't want to be anywhere near them, then that's the only chance we'll have to make our marriage work. However, I somehow doubt it. Every row we have is always about me not wanting to go over there... and him insisting I go.

Not any more. I wont go.. and if its too much for him, he can divorce me.

I've made my decision. Life is too short to spend it with absolute ars... hol...s

Jerryjerryjerry

I guess it wont be the first time a couple have split up due to outside influences.

Jerryjerryjerry

hcb42 wrote: »

This was extremely naive, people don't just disappear for ever, perhaps for everyone's sake, a split as you talk about is indeed the best thing

yes, naive.. anyway, that's the past. Now to moving forward.

Jerryjerryjerry

*max* wrote: »

Because she chose to join the family by marrying their father, the sons didn't have a choice, and she's a parental figure, as Catfish said. Again, saying she didn't marry the family is irrelevant, it's a package - she can't pick and chose who's family and who isn't. Also, being much younger, they obviously don't have the maturity and experience to deal with the situation as well as their step-mother (well, as well as she should anyway).

I'm not picking and choosing who is family and who isn't. I'm choosing who I spend time with and who I don't. Who gets my money in the end and who doesn't. There's a HUGE difference.

gravitytolls

Jerryjerryjerry wrote: »

While we are here, can I also add (and I know it would have been prudent to mention these things at the beginning), there are also two other MAJOR things my husband failed to tell me at time of marriage.

He didn't tell me he'd had a vascectomy. I pretend I don't want children... but the truth is... I would have loved a child. I have longed for a child so long and I waited till I'd got married. I thought id never get married so i'd written having children off. I resent very much that I can't have my own children. We have talked about reversal of his operation but he never seems to want to do something about it.
Also, he told me he was owed some money (for his share of the deposit for the house), and it turns out, he remortgaged his mother's house to get the 30k to put down as his share of the deposit on our house.

There has been too much deceipt in our marriage (and its not even really begun), to really give us much of a future. He says he loves me, but well, there have been far too many lies. It seems that he lied, lied, lied to get me to marry him. What a fool i've been?

I have a feeling i'm going to have to go against everything I believe in, and contact my lawyer, NOT to sort out my will, but to be rid of this man and his baggage.

Wow, this is some distance from your original post!

It seems the financial side of things were the blind you were using to persuade yourself out of the marriage, rather than admit that 'the sweet man' you married is actually a deceitful, conniving so and so, who says what's needed to get what he wants. I guess you can see whose genes the children inherited?

This really isn't about money, it's about you and the deep seated resentment you have toward your husband for his lies, and against his family, for not only being the family he can't give you, but for not even being a step family you could love and help to nurture.

you need to take a deeeep breath, and try to honestly decide what you want from your future.

you state you don't need him financially, so money worries can be set aside (alarm bells started to ring as soon as you said this, if you're not reliant on one another financially, then you should be able to afford to go out from time to time), concentrate on how you feel about your husband ~ do not consider his children in this, as they are secondary.

If when you look at him and think of him, you find you care deeply and would be heart broken if he were to be sad or suffering, even while you feel angry with him, then you've got something worth saving. If you feel nothing but contempt for his deceit, and would feel no more than sorry that a marriage ended, sorry for him, as you would be for anyone you knew, then perhaps you have your answer.

If it is the former, you should consider marriage counselling. See a solicitor, ensure your wishes are clarified and set in stone, then this can be set aside forever, and you can concentrate on saving your marriage.

Counselling is advisable for relationships coming to an end also, as they help clarify thngs within your minds, and smooth the way so the transition from coupledom to singledom is achieved without too much bitterness and angst.

Good luck.

aloise

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Did you mean Evil stepmother? As obviously - it's all her fault.

[Why exactly does the stepmother have to make most of the effort, ever? Please expand.]

No I didn't mean EVIL stepmother. And i did say she had to make most of the effort, because she has come into the family and unfortunately that is the way things are Why are you being so aggressive?
I had a stepmother myself, who incidentally wouldn't let me integrate with my half brothers and sisters. Nor would she let me see my father alone and didn't even tell me he was ill or had died. There are most likely faults on both sides and it's never an easy situation.