How can I ensure my stepsons don't get a penny from my will?

Jerryjerryjerry

catfish50 wrote: »

Me too.

I can understand people finding my posts confusing. This is a very confusing situation I find myself in.

I am going to continue to be polite towards my step sons.. I've never been anything else.

And see how things pan out.

wannaberich81

consultant31 wrote: »

Not at all. I have three children of my own (all grown up now) and they all know the value of money and work hard for theirs as their father and I have done for ours.

All our money will be left to our children and grandchildren but if they were shiftless and !!!!less, they wouldn't get a full share.

It's all very well to 'wannaberich' as long as you're prepared to work and save.

of course i 'wannaberich' or i wouldnt of joined this site, you dont need to continually use my logon name to try to belittle me, im not ashamed of wanting to be better off after living on my own and working full time since leaving school at the age of 16 due to a difficult step-parent. im actually irritated that i feel i have to explain my opinion on this post, and why i 'wannaberich'!!!!!!!!!!!!!

edgex

Jerryjerryjerry wrote: »

Look, when all is said and done, my husband convinced me he didn't have his sons in his life anymore. He knew I wasn't the maternal type.

Ok... things changed upon marriage (which we all know, is life). I tried very hard to accept the situation and tried to get along with the children (young adults + 14 yr old son). It didn't work out. I'm not happy being around any of them. I can't feel something for them I don't.

I wouldn't dream of getting in the way of a father seeing his sons. As long as I don't have to spend my time with them.

We must remember they have a very loving grandmother and also their birth mother who is around.

I am not bound to my husband, ie. I don't need him financially or emotionally. I married him because I loved him.

Neither of us need each other financially. My husband will be left his mother's house so wont need my house.

HOwever, if we divorce or if I die I will still give him the option to stay in our house... even though he probably would prefer to go and live with his mother and his eldest. I'm sure his mother will leave her house to her son (my husband is the sole beneficiary).

I'm going to seek legal advice. The only reason we are living in a house of our own is because I had the money (from the sale of my house in London), and I didn't want to live with my mil and sil. I wanted my independance.

Although I love my husband, I'm not infatuated by him and i'm not reliant on him. Infact, I was better off, financially before I met him. However, it would be nice to try to build a life together.

If his sons get in the way of our marriage and it becomes too much for me, I will be forced to divorce. I don't see that as a problem. I wouldn't have lost anything.

I have never wanted children. Ok, I married a man with children, however, he ensured me time and time again that they were out of his life. Ok.. they're back.. that's fine.. I want him to be happy.. and I want his children to be happy. However, if they can be happy without me being involved, that would be great. But I would prefer to be left out of their lives. If this doesn't work... then divorce might be the only option. No problem there at all. I'm quite happy to walk away ... but I will go with what I came into the marriage with.

Jerryjerryjerry wrote: »

Before anybody thinks i'm being mean, I got married 2 years ago to a man who had told me he hadn't had any contact with his three sons for over two years - and I believe he hadn't.

Now, one of his sons turned up at the wedding - a huge shock to me (he's 22), but I got over it. When I went back to the marital home, I was told he'd be moving in with us.

I sold my house, and relocated to live with my husband, his mother and his stepson. This didn't work out. I bought a new house in both my husband's and my name. My husband borrowed money for his share of the deposit and my share of it came from my house sale.

So... fresh start? Well, we're still married.. only just.

His son is a lazy, workshy, benefit scrounger. In my opinion he is unemployable. His attitude to life and people in general absolutely stinks. I avoid him as much as I possibly can. When I do have to be in his company, I'm polite and bite my tongue. He lives in a house with his gran, sponging off her and I believe he has NO intention of ever getting a job. Why would he? When his dad gives him pocket money and buys him food and clothes (out of our money). Also, his gran is pretty old, and no doubt, he wont have to buy a house as she'll leave it to him.

My husband has two other sons (19, unemployed living with the ex) and a 12 year old who is always in trouble at school) who also lives with the ex wife. How long before the ex wife throws the other two out for being workshy lazy so and so's?

That's the background bit out of the way. My question is, how can I ensure that these three lazy, workshy spongers don't benefit from my hard earned cash. I've worked all my life. I left home at 18 and I got a job. I've never been on the dole. I have a very strong work ethic. I think this is the reason why I REFUSE to carry the very sort of person I detest.

Yesterday I read in the paper yet again, a story about an old lady who passed away leaving a will and an accompanying letter explicietly setting out the reasons she didn't want her daughter to benefit from her hard earned money. What happened? It was contested and the very person, the lady didn't want the money to go to... now has it. This makes my blood boil.

that ones aged rather quickly wouldnt you say

12 to 14 in 1 day

Catti

Jerryjerryjerry wrote: »

I wont be leaving any money to my husband. I have a will currently which states that everything I own be left to an animal charity. That will was made when I owned my own house.

I now need to make another will to leave my share of my house and anything else left behind of mine to be given to the animal charity. But how can I be sure this will happen?

Did you make your will after you were married or before? A Will can be automatically revoked by a marriage unless it was made specifically in contemplation of that marriage.

consultant31

wannaberich81 wrote: »

of course i 'wannaberich' or i wouldnt of joined this site, you dont need to continually use my logon name to try to belittle me, im not ashamed of wanting to be better off after living on my own and working full time since leaving school at the age of 16 due to a difficult step-parent. im actually irritated that i feel i have to explain my opinion on this post, and why i 'wannaberich'!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ooh, touchy :rotfl:

ajaney

I have just read this thread from the beginning & it is confusing but represents the way the OP feels. Being lied to can happen to any of us, but I think the Husband has told some pretty big ones which I would find hard to forgive.

I think the 'stepson/money' issue is not the real problem here (as far as I know, step children have no right to challenge a will), it is the footings on which your marriage started.

JJJ, I think you & your husband need counselling to see whether you can make a happy future together.

Good luck

belfastgirl23

Gotta say I read this thread when it first came on, had you down as an evil stepmother and left it because others had made the point.

Just looked back in though and i have to say this man you have sounds like a bit of a catch to me. I didn't like the sound of him denying his children. And him doing it to get you to marry him just means he's prepared to deny his own flesh and blood in order to lie to someone to get them to do something they otherwise wouldn't do. I can't really hold you responsible for not having talked about children before marriage, if he had three already I guess it would be reasonable to assume he's fertile and you can have the talk later. And if you were on the fence about it anyway then I can see why you might not have wanted to get into that before the wedding. Also if (as he claimed) his own kids were ignoring him etc and he was upset about that, I could see that you might think he would want another family.

As an aside, have you thought that he might have lied to you about how his relationship with his children became so fractured? Or indeed about what he might have done to mess up their early lives that has affected the people they are now?

The only thing I would say is that it's become much clearer to me that your anger at his kids is really misplaced anger at him. And that this is something you need to think about. It is not the kids fault that they exist. I can understand in all the emotions flying around at the minute, it's easy to confuse what you're feeling. But your anger should be at your husband, not his children. He's the one who's lied and the one who's taken your cash. All he's done is think about what he wants, not what's best for his kids, nor what's best for you.

I wish you good luck OP, either way you're going to need it.

skypie123_2

I am confused because one moment you say you are not remotely maternal and now you secretly want a baby!
So it seems to me that you really just want your husband all to yourself and are resentful because he already has children and now you cant have any.
Seems pretty childish to me.
Perhaps you aren't mature enough to be married?
Maybe you should embrace his children especially if you can't have your own.

Caroline73_2

Jerryjerryjerry wrote: »

I am not bound to my husband, ie. I don't need him financially or emotionally. I married him because I loved him.

I don't understand how you can you say you don't need him emotionally but that you love him. As I understand love it is all about needing each other emotionally?

Jerryjerryjerry

edgex wrote: »

that ones aged rather quickly wouldnt you say

12 to 14 in 1 day

Sorry. My fault. When I married my husband the youngest was 12. He is probably 14 by now as its been two years since we got married. We actually don't see the 14 year old that much. Only when he's walking around in a gang after school (he walks past our house on the way to/from school).