How can I ensure my stepsons don't get a penny from my will?

Jerryjerryjerry

Catti wrote: »

Did you make your will after you were married or before? A Will can be automatically revoked by a marriage unless it was made specifically in contemplation of that marriage.

I last made a will before I was married. I'm going to see a solicitor this week to change my will. I'm going to leave half of my money and my 70% share of the sale of the house after my death to my youngest neice. (blood relation). And half to a local dog shelter.

Fang_3

Jerryjerryjerry wrote: »

I last made a will before I was married. I'm going to see a solicitor this week to change my will. I'm going to leave half of my money and my 70% share of the sale of the house after my death to my youngest neice. (blood relation). And half to a local dog shelter.

So much for being against people inheriting what they haven't worked for.;)

Jerryjerryjerry

ajaney wrote: »

I have just read this thread from the beginning & it is confusing but represents the way the OP feels. Being lied to can happen to any of us, but I think the Husband has told some pretty big ones which I would find hard to forgive.

I think the 'stepson/money' issue is not the real problem here (as far as I know, step children have no right to challenge a will), it is the footings on which your marriage started.

JJJ, I think you & your husband need counselling to see whether you can make a happy future together.

Good luck

Thank you for this. I have actually spoken to my husband at length about the state of our marriage. We went out for a long walk with our dog. He says that he only lied to me about the money being owed because he didn't want me to think he was poor. I explained that I am not interested in wealth. I'm just interested in trying to make our marriage work and I did suggest counselling.

I have a lot of resentment built up against him. He is against counselling at this stage. He thinks we can sort this out and is willing, if we can't sort it out, to go at a later stage.

So... we'll see how it goes.

In the meantime, I've thought long and hard about my finances and I would be very happy to leave my half share of my house to my neice and half to a dog's home.

Jerryjerryjerry

Fang wrote: »

So much for being against people inheriting what they haven't worked for.;)[/QUOTE

What's it to you? You're not my stepson by any chance are you?

Jerryjerryjerry

Caroline73 wrote: »

I don't understand how you can you say you don't need him emotionally but that you love him. As I understand love it is all about needing each other emotionally?

We all love in different ways. I have, in the past loved in a needy way.. and it didn't work out. It just so happens that I don't love my husband in a needy way. I don't need him for emotional support. I am my own person.

Jerryjerryjerry

skypie123 wrote: »

I am confused because one moment you say you are not remotely maternal and now you secretly want a baby!
So it seems to me that you really just want your husband all to yourself and are resentful because he already has children and now you cant have any.
Seems pretty childish to me.
Perhaps you aren't mature enough to be married?
Maybe you should embrace his children especially if you can't have your own.

You clearly haven't read this thread or you simply can't understand the written word.

Jerryjerryjerry

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

Gotta say I read this thread when it first came on, had you down as an evil stepmother and left it because others had made the point.

Just looked back in though and i have to say this man you have sounds like a bit of a catch to me. I didn't like the sound of him denying his children. And him doing it to get you to marry him just means he's prepared to deny his own flesh and blood in order to lie to someone to get them to do something they otherwise wouldn't do. I can't really hold you responsible for not having talked about children before marriage, if he had three already I guess it would be reasonable to assume he's fertile and you can have the talk later. And if you were on the fence about it anyway then I can see why you might not have wanted to get into that before the wedding. Also if (as he claimed) his own kids were ignoring him etc and he was upset about that, I could see that you might think he would want another family.

As an aside, have you thought that he might have lied to you about how his relationship with his children became so fractured? Or indeed about what he might have done to mess up their early lives that has affected the people they are now?

The only thing I would say is that it's become much clearer to me that your anger at his kids is really misplaced anger at him. And that this is something you need to think about. It is not the kids fault that they exist. I can understand in all the emotions flying around at the minute, it's easy to confuse what you're feeling. But your anger should be at your husband, not his children. He's the one who's lied and the one who's taken your cash. All he's done is think about what he wants, not what's best for his kids, nor what's best for you.

I wish you good luck OP, either way you're going to need it.

Firstly, yes. I am angry with my husband. Secondly, I am not angry with my stepsons. I just don't like them enough to leave any money to them after I die.

Thanks for the good luck message.. I just KNOW I'm going to need it. I think i'm going to give this marriage a year, if it doesn't work, i'm going to sell up and ship out. Get as far away from these strange workshy people once and for all.

Jerryjerryjerry

consultant31 wrote: »

Ooh, touchy :rotfl:

Totally agree. I wonder if its my stepson posting.

My stepsons are the type who want to live the high life on someone else's money. Their dad can't give them the life they crave, so they have their eyes on the step mother.

They wont see a penny of my money. Over my dead body.

pozalina

I've been following this thread but haven't posted until now. Like you I have adult step-children, and one of them I would describe as incredibly selfish. In the last few years, mostly due to rent arrears, my dh and I have spent in excess of £5k bailing him out. Like you I have felt very strongly that he should not get any of my/our money and, luckily for me, my husband agrees. So, I empathise with you and your situation, and have felt the sting of some comments about you being heartless etc as if they were also aimed at me.

The difference in my position and yours, however, is that we have two small children of our own and we feel that in the event of our death they should be provided for before his adult children. Our wills currently state that only our own children will be benefactors, and my dh's will specifically states that the adult children are not provided for. This may sound harsh to some but, once our children reach adulthood, my dh can alter his will. We needed to make sure our children could not be turfed out of their home to give his adult children a few quid (and it won't be a lot).

I think you are right to leave your money to whomever you want. Selfish stepchildren can earn their own money.

Jerryjerryjerry

pozalina wrote: »

I've been following this thread but haven't posted until now. Like you I have adult step-children, and one of them I would describe as incredibly selfish. In the last few years, mostly due to rent arrears, my dh and I have spent in excess of £5k bailing him out. Like you I have felt very strongly that he should not get any of my/our money and, luckily for me, my husband agrees. So, I empathise with you and your situation, and have felt the sting of some comments about you being heartless etc as if they were also aimed at me.

The difference in my position and yours, however, is that we have two small children of our own and we feel that in the event of our death they should be provided for before his adult children. Our wills currently state that only our own children will be benefactors, and my dh's will specifically states that the adult children are not provided for. This may sound harsh to some but, once our children reach adulthood, my dh can alter his will. We needed to make sure our children could not be turfed out of their home to give his adult children a few quid (and it won't be a lot).

I think you are right to leave your money to whomever you want. Selfish stepchildren can earn their own money.

Hi there. Thank you very much for your post. Its good to know that I'm only an evil stepmother in a few people's eyes.

I think as soon as second marriages are entered into.. there are always going to be odd problems arising. I wish I'd married someone without children now.

I also wish I'd met the children before I got married. I told my husband two days ago, that had I met his sons before marriage and realised that one of them would be living with us, I'd not have married him. He said, "I know".

On a lighter note, maybe that was the ploy!

Anyway, I hope it goes well for you. Its good that step children don't have any rights to challenge a will. So I hope your children are looked after.