How can I ensure my stepsons don't get a penny from my will?

catfish50

Jerryjerryjerry wrote: »

Anyway, it was only weeks after the marriage that we were talking about our future and children and he then said, "i've got something to tell you... but don't worry coz it can be reversed".

I was not angry at the time. But as time has gone on and he's not made any move to go and get it reversed (he doesn't have much left over each month), but he hasn't even asked if he could get it done on the NHS

He might be able to get it on the NHS but my advice would be, think long and hard before having a child with a man whose existing children you don't think much of.

Fang_3

Jerryjerryjerry wrote: »

We didn't talk about children until after we were married (for whatever reason). I remember having a conversation with my sister about it and she said, now you're married, you could have children. I remember thinking.. my god.. yes, I actually could. Until then, i'd written off ever having children.

Anyway, it was only weeks after the marriage that we were talking about our future and children and he then said, "i've got something to tell you... but don't worry coz it can be reversed".

I was not angry at the time. But as time has gone on and he's not made any move to go and get it reversed (he doesn't have much left over each month), but he hasn't even asked if he could get it done on the NHS.

I have not lied to him.

How curious.

Jerryjerryjerry wrote: »

While we are here, can I also add (and I know it would have been prudent to mention these things at the beginning), there are also two other MAJOR things my husband failed to tell me at time of marriage.

He didn't tell me he'd had a vascectomy. I pretend I don't want children... but the truth is... I would have loved a child. I have longed for a child so long and I waited till I'd got married. I thought id never get married so i'd written having children off. I resent very much that I can't have my own children. We have talked about reversal of his operation but he never seems to want to do something about it.
Also, he told me he was owed some money (for his share of the deposit for the house), and it turns out, he remortgaged his mother's house to get the 30k to put down as his share of the deposit on our house.

There has been too much deceipt in our marriage (and its not even really begun), to really give us much of a future. He says he loves me, but well, there have been far too many lies. It seems that he lied, lied, lied to get me to marry him. What a fool i've been?

I have a feeling i'm going to have to go against everything I believe in, and contact my lawyer, NOT to sort out my will, but to be rid of this man and his baggage.

Jerryjerryjerry

skypie123 wrote: »

OP you come across as a really sad, bitter individual who when your husband sees you for what you clearly are will end up alone anyway.

Well, I was independant and had my own house in London. I had lots of friends and was not lonely. Neither did i have money worries. I was on a £35k salary.

Husband: Living with his mother, jobless had been on the dole for two years. Got a job just after the wedding.

Who is going to be worse off? Anybody would think my getting married was of some benefit to me, the way you're going on!

Jerryjerryjerry

Fang wrote: »

How curious.

When his family ask : When are you going to have children... I pretend I don't want any. They don't know he's had a vascectomy.

Jerryjerryjerry

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

OP I am finding your posts very confusing now.

In one you state that you never wanted children and in the next you say you would have liked to have a child???????

Once I got married, I definitely would have had a child. I just didn't think i'd ever find the right man. As it happens I still don't think I have. So its just as well he has had a vascectomy.

Somerset

Jerryjerryjerry wrote: »

I think I will seek legal advice. I will probably end up persuading my husband to remortgage the house when we retire and live off the proceeds and try to leave as little as possible at the very end.

Do you love your husband ?

catfish50

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

OP I am finding your posts very confusing now.

Me too.

Jerryjerryjerry

Somerset wrote: »

Do you love your husband ?

Yes. He's made a few mistakes, he's lied but all the lies he told were to try to get me to marry him. I can't hate him for that.

He doesn't go out drinking and cheating on me.. etc. On the whole, he is a good man.

Somerset

Jerryjerryjerry wrote: »

Yes. He's made a few mistakes, he's lied but all the lies he told were to try to get me to marry him. I can't hate him for that.

He doesn't go out drinking and cheating on me.. etc. On the whole, he is a good man.

Good. So you love him and want to make a life with him.

And you can accept giving up any hope of having a child ? You can endure the arguments when you refuse to go with him to visit sons ? You can bite your lip every time more money is asked for/given ? You'll be able to do all this without resentment ? Because you didn't sound all that convinced earlier.

Jerryjerryjerry

Somerset wrote: »

Good. So you love him and want to make a life with him.

And you can accept giving up any hope of having a child ? You can endure the arguments when you refuse to go with him to visit sons ? You can bite your lip every time more money is asked for/given ? You'll be able to do all this without resentment ? Because you didn't sound all that convinced earlier.

I can only try. I'm not going to do anything irrational. I will give it some more time and if things don't get any better, will try counselling. Then do the right thing if it doesn't work. Life is too short.