Hubby flirting! do i say something?

euronorris

Gavin83 wrote: »

I do understand people get caught out with text messages, etc but I don't really see how it happens.

I think you underestimate just how arrogant some people are. Some people truly believe they won't get caught, or that if they do, they'll talk their way out of it anyway, so it doesn't matter to them.

Sad but true, trust me.

polly222

Why did he ask how he could make it up too her? i pity you because in your first post you say your husband said he knew she liked him....why put himself in that situation of chatting till 2am then. He is getting ready to cheat in my eyes and wants her to confirm its no strings.

wongstack

If you really want to stop him doing it again then this article might help you

http://hubpages.com/hub/-Stop-Husband-Flirting

But as he turned her down you should be fine

Errata

I guess there might be a fair number of married men chatting away to a female colleague at two in the morning whilst their wife and kids sleep peacefully upstaris. The number of happily married men doing that will be significantly fewer.
When the bloke gets caught out and says 'you're blaming me' the only response to that is 'yes, why not? you were doing it, matey, you're not the victim around here, you're the perpetrator'

euronorris

Errata wrote: »

I guess there might be a fair number of married men chatting away to a female colleague at two in the morning whilst their wife and kids sleep peacefully upstaris. The number of happily married men doing that will be significantly fewer.
When the bloke gets caught out and says 'you're blaming me' the only response to that is 'yes, why not? you were doing it, matey, you're not the victim around here, you're the perpetrator'

I think he was trying to insinuate that it was all this other woman, that she was the one trying it on and he turned her down.

He's right, to a degree. Unfortunately, he encouraged her at the start and that is where the problem is. Why did he encourage her to begin with?

In my mind, there is a little harmless flirting and then there is joking about getting a room together. The latter is more serious and more worrying IMO.

I know that my OH would be deeply upset if I did this, and vice versa. However, he did stop it in it's tracks, so I think now is the time to talk about why it was happening in the first place. ie, what is he unhappy about with the relationship?

katerinasol

euronorris wrote: »

I think he was trying to insinuate that it was all this other woman, that she was the one trying it on and he turned her down.

He's right, to a degree. Unfortunately, he encouraged her at the start and that is where the problem is. Why did he encourage her to begin with?

In my mind, there is a little harmless flirting and then there is joking about getting a room together. The latter is more serious and more worrying IMO.

I know that my OH would be deeply upset if I did this, and vice versa. However, he did stop it in it's tracks, so I think now is the time to talk about why it was happening in the first place. ie, what is he unhappy about with the relationship?

I agree with you to an extent, in that it went too far and that it could be a sign of a wider problem with the relationship.

However, I still maintain that a very likely problem was that maybe things had got a bit boring and it was the thrill of someone 'new' flirting with him that made him get a bit carried away. The problem is that he did get carried away.

Anyway, by the sounds of it the OP had it sorted? Though if she was anything like me, she wouldn't rest until she knew exactly what went on and how he could try to explain it.

SandC

I'm often surprised when I come back to my netbook and the last 'chat' I had is on there. You could, of course, look at it in a more positive light that he is unused to chat and how long it stays there so meaning it's not something he is in the habit of doing.

Social networking, texting etc. is so potentially dangerous in relationships. I was chatting to a guy I knew from my teens and he is always incredibly flirtatious - I'm the one who backs off. When it got down to discussing kissing each other he 'dared me' to take it further and it as then I thought he was really serious and wanted to meet up. It was at that point he informed me that he was married and was I living dangerously. I had always thought he was separated but thinking about it afterwards, when I befriended him and asked about his status he said something like 'I was technically single for 16 months after splitting with my wife', I said I was sorry to hear that and that break ups suck. He responded with something like 'it's one of those things, it's all sorted now'. Because since then he's never mentioned her and has no pictures of her on there or anything I just, welll........... silly old me!

Then there's another one who I used to work with and he has asked me out in the past. Every so often he'll send me a message asking how I am. Then comes one wanting to meet for lunch and to give him a ring. I responded that I was happy to meet for a catch up but would it bother his girlfriend that he was arranging to meet random women. He responded that she was quite understanding when it came to old work colleagues. I didn't get back to him as I had a bit of a bad vibe about it. Then whaddy know he disappears from FB completely. I reckon she's read his messages, seen that he's making moves towards me, albeit nothing explicit and told him to get off there completely.

I wouldn't be happy with him at all, but looks like he got carried away one evening and nipped it in the bud as soon as he realised what he was potentially getting himself into.

swingaloo

Id be unhappy if my partner was sitting up until 2am chatting to another woman irrespective of the outcome. Whats he playing at?

FatVonD

I too would feel betrayed that he's spent that number of hours developing an emotional intimacy with another woman and to boot he's effectively told her that he won't sleep with her but he'd like to, how disrespectful, is he happy for you to possibly socialise with her at some future point with her knowing this?

I don't know how you've managed not to confront him, at the moment you have (had) tangible evidence that something not quite right was going on, what will you do if after the weekend you find out that she WAS there after all (or you just think she might have been?) At the moment you're in a strong position, after the weekend you risk looking like it's all in your head. (Sorry, don't mean to sound harsh, am typing in a hurry!)

I would expect him to cancel the weekend (if he's having to pay for himself it's presumably more of a 'do' than a work commitment), it's the least he could do to redress the situation.

elastigirl

Well he has gone now, it's all week. He has to go as he is giving a couple of lectures and presentations. He never said he wanted sex with her just that he liked her which could mean like as a friend or like as in fancy. That's the trouble with written text you don't know how someone is saying it or meaning it to sound.

I truely believe now (maybe naive of me) that yes he did say some things he shouldn't have but it wouldn't have been a problem if she wasn't in love with him and it would have just been banter that anyone else would shrug off but because he said those things and she felt that way then it went further than it would have and he realised it went to far and was trying to back out without hurting her because she really did seem in a bit of a state so he was trying to calm her down.