Hubby flirting! do i say something?

geri1965_2

I think you should tell your husband you read it, and spell out to him exactly what will happen if he is ever unfaithful to you (whatever that may be).

I would also send a message to the scuttler telling her you know about the conversation and warning her never to try anything like that with your husband again.

Threebabes

I would be furious and would not be able to keep it to myself.

If he mentioned why you shouldn't have read it, why not, its your laptop.

It sounds like he has some feelings for her, but morally because he is married he wouldn't.

I would have to have it out with him asap. Good luck! x

Sambucus_Nigra

I'd wait until he mentions the conference next and ask if he will, in the end, be sharing a room with X or not? Just so as you know like.

unluckyinlove

1. Look after yourself and the kids. I think you've got more than enough evidence to have an open, straightforward talk about it now. If it turns into anything like 'You shouldn't be spying on me, how dare you' that's the guilt talking, and he's trying to deflect attention from something he shouldn't have been doing. Don't go there; you didn't create this problem, nor go looking for it. This is about him, and the stupid choices he's made. If it's a silly one off, once you've cleared the air, and if you decide you can, forgive, forget, move on. Make it clear that if it ever happend again, it's game over. And mean it.

2. However, if you want to play your cards closer to your chest and get a bit more evidence as to whether there's anything more substantial in it, watch him more closely for a couple of weeks. Check mobile; check internet history; don't alert him that you're looking. It may be that you find nothing else - fine. It may be that this isn't a one-off, though. Download and keep the evidence and then confront him. At that point, if you want him, then at least you'll know the extent of the problem, and you'll be the one deciding whether or not you want to bother with all the work that's going to be needed to re-establish trust.


I've been there, done that. Stupid online flirting is the most pathetic form of attention seeking in my opinion. My oh tripped himself up; I did both steps outlined above - tried the straightforward 'What the heck is going on?' conversation - he made all the right noises about deleting her, very sorry etc etc. I insisted he blocked her from his f/bk and email accounts. Sadly, in the end, I realised he was obsessed with the daft bint, but wanted only the pathetic thrill of having a little pecadillo, and he continued to search for her on the internet. He didn't realise I could see everything through a History search. I let it go on for a bit, hoping it would die down. It sort of did, but then there were a couple more episodes that I just couldn't put up with, and so we had another showdown. I basically told him that if he wanted her in his life, that was fine, he could have her. He just couldn't have me too. If he chose me, fine, then he was to stay well away from her. And I'd be checking, because basically what I'd lost after 20+ years of marriage, was my peace of mind and easy trust. If her chose to have her in his life, IN ANY WAY whatsoever, I'd be sad, but he'd have to go.

He chose to stay. He promised to drop her altogether, and that was it for a good, oooh six months. Then I caught him forwarding her a stupid joke email. I printed it off, left it on the table while he was in the bath and walked out. He went into meltdown, and only at that point did he realise that I just wasn't going to have it. We're together again, and it's only now that I (mostly) believe that he's stopped dicking around at something he saw as a harmless bit of fun.

It took me about a year to get to this point. I wish that I'd been tougher earlier, but the hardest thing of all was to throw away a lifetime of commitment - something I'd invested my whole adult life in - over something that seemed so pathetic but also trivial, yet which was for me a fundamental matter of trust and respect.

I also had the pleasure of confronting said scrubber in the Tesco car park - she didn't have a clue who I was till I explained. I tried to give her the benefit of my opinion quietly and away from her family, however the silly woman walked away from me and back to her car, so I continued right there in front of them, telling her what I thought of women who knowingly flirt online with married men, and try to get them to take it further. In a long, miserable year, that was one of the brighter moments!:rotfl:

sjc3

Okay so this was left on your laptop, so its not as if you have gone into his things and found it. Does make me wonder if he were a bit drunk whilst writing all this. Cant imagine many husbands flirting like that and then leaving it in full view on wifes laptop.

If it were me I would have mentioned it straight away to my husband. I would have felt very hurt and upset about it too. It does seem as if some flirting got way out of control. But even so, it is quite direspectfull to you.

You know your relationship best and whether this is harmless or not. Its not something I could just ignore and not deal with and I get the impression you cant either. His response to you raising this with him will tell you alot about how he feels.

I wish you luck OP

RacyRed

You could also consider scaring the !!!!!! out of him.

A VERY CALM conversation intro along the lines of

"You left your facebook page open on my computer, I saw that you have been flirting. Are you getting bored with our relationship? I have to confess that I am too. As you have introduced relationships with other people into our lives without talking to me about it first, you can't possibly object if I take this as your agreement that I do the same myself. I could do with a bit of a confidence boost as well. Lets discuss which night of the week you will look after the kids, so I get some free time to have some fun as well"

LillythePink

Unluckyinlove - I know exactly where you are coming from - things have died down between my OH and an ex of his - he says that he came to his senses about what he could lose if he carried on - it was by phone/text.

I still don't trust him 100% but it gets better each day - I know that you should trust someone 100% but it doesn't work like that.

With the OP, I think that you have to talk to him about it now before it gets left otherwise you will be imagining all sorts of things especially as they work together - each day if he is a bit late you will be wondering.

Ok, he said he was married and it wasn't going to go any further, but............???

I do like the idea of asking him whether he will be sharing a room with her at the conference though as was suggested earlier!!

Don't let it fester inside you - he was on YOUR laptop and left the window open and logged on - so it's not as if you were snooping on him (not that I would blame you if you did)

take care
x

suited-aces

MrsE wrote: »

Sounds more like he's enjoying getting his ego stroked.

But I think he deserves his balls squeezed, just enough to make his eyes water.

Again, if you or your daughter were unfaithful, would you agree with the assertion that you need a good slap from your partner? You disgust me, advocating domestic violence.

LillythePink

RacyRed wrote: »

You could also consider scaring the !!!!!! out of him.

A VERY CALM conversation intro along the lines of

"You left your facebook page open on my computer, I saw that you have been flirting. Are you getting bored with our relationship? I have to confess that I am too. As you have introduced relationships with other people into our lives without talking to me about it first, you can't possibly object if I take this as your agreement that I do the same myself. I could do with a bit of a confidence boost as well. Lets discuss which night of the week you will look after the kids, so I get some free time to have some fun as well"

Whilst I do appreciate the joke and meaning behind it - it could backfire though - there again, the ratio of men trying to find women is far outweighed by women wanting men - the OP would have much more luck

Zoetoes

suited-aces wrote: »

Again, if you or your daughter were unfaithful, would you agree with the assertion that you need a good slap from your partner? You disgust me, advocating domestic violence.

I don't think anyone is seriously suggesting doing anything to his balls, it is more of a joke, so let's not attempt to start a domestic violence discussion, this isn't what this thread is about.