Hubby flirting! do i say something?

wongstack

He was enjoying having his ego stroked with some (he thought) harmless flirting

The second it got serious he told her he wasn't interested, the wording that he used to try and make her feel better after the rejection means he's not an uncaring a-hole.

Lets put "I like you but I'm married" in the man translator, it basically comes out as "I thought we were just messing around, s**t I better let her down gently"

If he had said, yeah ok lets meet up, THEN you would have had something to worry about

You could drive yourself mad worrying about this, the bottom line is that he turned her down!

The worst thing you can do is nag him about it, be the woman he fell in love with, be fun and flirty yourself, you should have nothing to worry about.

katerinasol

wongstack wrote: »

He was enjoying having his ego stroked with some (he thought) harmless flirting

The second it got serious he told her he wasn't interested, the wording that he used to try and make her feel better after the rejection means he's not an uncaring a-hole.

Lets put "I like you but I'm married" in the man translator, it basically comes out as "I thought we were just messing around, s**t I better let her down gently"

If he had said, yeah ok lets meet up, THEN you would have had something to worry about

You could drive yourself mad worrying about this, the bottom line is that he turned her down!

The worst thing you can do is nag him about it, be the woman he fell in love with, be fun and flirty yourself, you should have nothing to worry about.

I have to agree with this. I would be pretty angry but at the end of the day it sounds like he was just enjoying the attention and thought they were messing around. Although if it happened to me, I would have wanted him to say "sorry, I love my wife and kids and would never do anything to hurt them" but really, how truthful is that going to sound at the end of that kind of conversation?

OP I'm not saying he doesn't love you but sometimes everyone needs a little ego boost. If you've been married for a while and things have been samey then sometimes it can be very exciting to have someone 'new' flirting with you, and there's nothing wrong with that, it's a physiological thing. My boyfriend and I both admitted to each other that we like flirting, and when it does happen, we tell each other about it and have a laugh about it. He points out good-looking women to me in the street and I go on about men I find attractive, there's no point in acting like the thought police.

Anyway, I think you should bring it up. Before doing so though, think about what you want the outcome of the conversation to be. Do you want him to apologise? Do you want him not to talk to her again (considering they see each other at work anyway)? I wouldn't message her though, I think it's a bit undignified, but if you do meet each other at a work 'do or whatever, you could make it clear to her that you know - like say "Oh, is this your would-be hotel room guest?" and laugh, that way the power is taken away from her if that makes sense? And don't let him sidetrack the conversation by getting angry about going through his laptop - maybe you shouldn't have been looking but he's the one that did something he shouldn't have done first!

ailuro2

Have you thought about suggesting to DH that you could get someone to babysit the kids andf you could go to the conference with him, as a cheap couple of nights away, that you've not had "couple time" for a while...?

LadyMorticia

suited-aces wrote: »

That question also goes to elastigirl, izzybusy23, LadyMorticia, nuttybabe and zippybungle

I said that I'd say something, not that I'd give him a swift kick in the nuts.

In fact, my OH has flirted before. I mentioned it to him. We talked it through. End of. He knows that if upset me and hasn't done it since.

We talked about it rationally. At no point did I say about being aggressive about it. I just said that I couldn't keep quiet.

Alligg

The very same thing happened to me and I left it for ages and stewed and stewed and made myself ill over it, in the end I had to speak to him about it, I said sorry for reading the messages but then broke down and told him how it made me feel to see that kind of thing, when OH saw how it had upset me he was gutted and seeing his reaction I believed him. he said at the time he did not see how it looked as it was just a bit of banter, after that he has been much better at talking about his feelings and I know it will take a while to fully trust him again and he knows that but he said he had never intended it to happen and it just got out of hand.
sit down and try to be calm and talk about it,explain how it has made you feel and work from there.
Alli

scooby088

I don't know if this has been said before but as you know her identity and profile pic you can message her from your facebook account and basically tell her to one yourself then block her on your contacts.

If i was in that position i guess i'd go ape !!!!!! at my OH, and in no uncertain terms to delete the friendship and ask her not to speak to him again, although it takes two to do it. i think you OH handled himself well by saying he was married and nothing can happen, but just because we are with someone doesn't mean we don't fancy others, we are just not availible to do anything about it.

Errata

Colleagues close enough to flirt with each other over several hours in the small hours of the morning, but not close enough to know the martial status of each other? Sounds a bit unusual.

BangorJane

Could you not just leave your laptop open with this thread on? I suppose as other posters have said, you need to decide what you want as the outcome of any confrontation which if it were me would ideally be:

• I am calm and in control (unlike facebook ho who clearly got upset about the situation)
• I know what you've been up to and it's not part of the marriage agreement
• There are consequences for your actions and I will take action if this behaviour doesn't stop

There is nothing more effective than a calm confident woman who knows her options;)

elastigirl

Thanks everyone for your thoughts

I can't go to the conference partners aren't allowed. She isn't going thank god that's where the joke came from in the first place she said she would sneak in as a joke then i think she ment she wanted to get a hotel with him another time as she wouldn't be able to explain why she was there but not pay as it is a huge one and would be seen my someone.

It was in chat and not messages, didn't know you could see them after. when i got rid of it i wished i had saved it if only for me to read back again with a fresh head on.

they do know each others martial status she didn't care he was married she didn't want just sex i think she thought he would leave me.

on reflection i think she does have issues and is slightly unstable may be. She had been drinking my hubby had only had one.

I do trust him and love him very much and i know he wouldn't cheat on me. I was just in a flap at the time i think.

We had a great family day today and he was very relaxed and chatting about rumors that go around work hhmmm ( maybe his way of bringing it up) we skirted around it a bit but i told him what i thought about how he can come across, how woman take things different to men, banter and flirting and he def knew why i was talking about it. He didn't say much but just said you sound like your blaming me.

trouble is it doesn't sound like it but he really is too nice for his own good and listens to everyone that wants to share their problems and helps them but then they fall for him. oh and it seems she has un friended him herself as looking at his friends list from when i am logged in to my account she isn't on there now. I did a search for her and she is private. I hope this is the end of it but we will see

Gavin83

RacyRed wrote: »

Better than if she has the predictable rant and he goes on the defensive and hides what he is doing more carefully in future.

There is no way in a million years he didn't want her to see the chat anyway, no one is that careless to leave a chat open on their partners laptop. If I were to cheat (which I wouldn't) I'd be super careful to delete any evidence that might come back to haunt me, unless I wanted my partner to see it.

I do understand people get caught out with text messages, etc but I don't really see how it happens.