lazy husband

p_joker

pigpen wrote: »

Please may I borrow her??????

Give him a list of stuff which you have agreed with him.. he isn't lazy he is just a man.. unless they have an actual direct instruction they are incapable of independant thought when it comes to the practicalities of running a home and dressing children.

Maybe leave the children their clothes out the night before?

I'd have him doing all sorts.. and no reason he shouldn't he lives there too!

lol believe it or not he even messes this up, I put 2 piles out for him to dress the kids while I had a shower and he put the wrong pile on each child haha I came back and my youngest was in a shirt that looked like a dress bless him

p_joker

sueeve wrote: »

My husband did little in the house when we were both working full time
But
He kept the cars in good repair, including servicing, did the decorating to a good standard, moved sockets when I wanted, always did the loft climbing and so on. So I felt it reasonable that I did the cooking etc. Horses for courses. Is he doing anything useful in the homemaking line with the nuts and bolts?

no its nothing for us or the home, I don't know if you have ever heard of a rep rap (3d printer) hes trying to build one he has been for months and now hes involved in cutting bits of metal to send to other people trying to build one, hes been doing it for ages now

skylight

MY ex was like this. Severely. He really did have the attitude "Me man. Me work." Even when I worked while he stayed at home and had the kids, he still couldn't do anything.

It took years and years to start to get through to him over it. And 15yrs later when the penny slowly started to drop it was too late and its one of the reasons I citied in the divorce papers (under unreasonable behaviour).

He just didn't ever understand that our marriage was a partnership and that meant we were both responsible for everything.

p_joker

Tish_P wrote: »

The military used to be made entirely of men and they managed to be extremely clean and neat there. Ever heard the word "shipshape?"
I don't like this "oh, men can't see dirt" thing. It's insulting to good men and gives bad ones an excuse.

my dad was in the navy so I have come from a clean and tidy house so was a bit of a shock when I moved in with hubby, my dad did all the ironing too ;-)

Sambucus_Nigra

a - white board - write chores on it
b - put names against chores
c - do yours and tick that you have done them. Do NOT do his. Make sure they are evenly matched.
d - tell him not to be a !!!!!! and pay attention when dressing children
e - chuck the stuff out of the kitchen and repeat the bit about him not being a !!!!!!

londoner1998

pigpen wrote: »

Please may I borrow her??????

Give him a list of stuff which you have agreed with him.. he isn't lazy he is just a man.. unless they have an actual direct instruction they are incapable of independant thought when it comes to the practicalities of running a home and dressing children.

Maybe leave the children their clothes out the night before?

I'd have him doing all sorts.. and no reason he shouldn't he lives there too!

Oh, I feel for you. I have had this problem too and it is recurring. I just go for the 'darling, can you help me with X, Y , Z?' Days like today , that I had my first meeting at 8.00 am, then the usual shenanigans at work, lots of meetings and now just finished working on a application form, I lose patience and hope- there he was, sitting on the sofa playing with his phone. And this morning we finally argued briefly about the dry washing that has been gathering dust for four days now. I finally told him that if he wants to eat tomorrow, he better put something on the fire to cook, because moi ain't doing it. I had to repeat it three times.

He is doing it as I type. I just thing some men don't care that much and it is a lot of repetition that gets them to do it. And even so, it tires me to have to ask- these things are to be done every day.

I have also been known to charge- I don't mind doing it, but it gets irritating when I have worked 10-12 hours and he comes home and sits ont he sofa watching TV asking- 'is there din??' If I am goign to be a cleaner and a cook,I want tohe going rates too- he lives here too and enjoys a well run house, so it is just fair he does his share...

Good luck, it can be exhausting...
This is not the 50's...

londoner1998

p_joker wrote: »

lol believe it or not he even messes this up, I put 2 piles out for him to dress the kids while I had a shower and he put the wrong pile on each child haha I came back and my youngest was in a shirt that looked like a dress bless him

Mine baked a cake for a family celebration ...without butter. That's the attention he pays.

I smiled sweetly, said it wasn't that bad and proceeded to make a sauce to pour over to hide the brick texture.

The cake was a success...to this day he is embarrassed.

londoner1998

Tish_P wrote: »

The military used to be made entirely of men and they managed to be extremely clean and neat there. Ever heard the word "shipshape?"
I don't like this "oh, men can't see dirt" thing. It's insulting to good men and gives bad ones an excuse.

I agree with this- I don't think it has to do with gender, more to do with how they have been brought up and whether they have lived on their own or not...

meritaten

jeez - what I would give to have an OH who DIDNT notice the house is a mess!!!! to be fair I hate housework and would rather do anything else! while OH has a vacuum fetish, so I leave that to him, a CIF fetish - so he likes cleaning UPVC when he has a day off work - I couldnt be so hard- hearted to deprive him of that fun. and he rather likes it when I give him a cookery lesson - extravagant praise for a mostly overcooked meal (but, he does make a lovely sunday roast dinner now), but then, I am sneaky and over the years we have worked out who does what and when! its called - training! I am perfectly capable of doing it all myself - but why should I? OH didnt lift a finger for his first 24 years! his mum did it all! It makes me giggle a bit to think how horrified she would be at her baby doing housework and enjoying it!
and yes, on dressing the kids he is the only person I know who would try to put a three year old boys clothes on a six year old girl! but she is like her mum and put dad straight! but, at least he tried and I just used to laugh when he got it wrong! hun, figure out what he is good at and make cooking or cleaning lessons *fun* or worth his while.
Take a photo of your kitchen/living room when YOU have cleaned it - and post it on the fridge saying 'this is what I need to come home to after work before I can sort out Tea/supper! worth a try if he doesnt recognise 'mess' when its all around him!

pigpen

Mine has lived on his own.. and still needs a bum rocket!

The XH (KH) never lived alone until I hoofed him out 2 years ago.. and now he brags to the children his house is so much tidier than mine.. I have 9 children here and he has them 6 days a month.. and a lot of the remaining time he is at his womans.. so yeah his might be tidier.. but my home is lived in and I have the children (not that he wants them)

Both had families that did all the cleaning/cooking/etc.. so were required to do nothing.. KH did the diy type stuff here and took the children up to bed on a night.. OH loads the DW on demand and will mop or lug heavy wash baskets about and he is my chauffeur.. but I feel he needs to take a bit more responsibility for keeping the house tidy.. but it is my children making the mess so I feel loathe to ask him to help tidy.. probably stupid of me because I can't do it all on my own.. or maybe I'm just too stubborn to ask for help when I really need it.

i do say 'could you do this for me please?' (usually bringing wash baskets down or vacuums cleaners either up or down) I waited 6 days for the vacuum last week... asked in Tuesday it got brought down his Monday.. I need help slightly faster than that!

Ds1 (19) has just moved back home and I've had him doing all kinds of menial tasks.. he was KP when my dishwasher died.. and he has been instructed he is quite capable of loading the washer, and dryer and cooking.. so he does..

on my face book it has me as 'chief slave' .. unpaid domestic worker! I hate it.. I hate cooking, I hate cleaning and it all feels totally pointless and unappreciated whenever I do anything.